I’ve been stewing all day thinking about this and I figured I would get my thoughts out. I’m sure there will be people that disagree with me and I’ll probably get a lot of hate for this, but I still feel like it needs to be said. If it it helps one person, then I did what I came here to do.
I’ve been seeing a lot of posts and replies and messages from people saying that Calvin is doing all of this because he loves/misses/regrets breaking up with Taylor and that he doesn’t know how to handle it/channel his emotion/cope/etc. I’ve seen others defending Calvin’s behavior, saying that Taylor started it/deserves it. Still, I’ve seen others cheering Calvin on for behaving the way he has over the past couple days (and weeks, arguably, if we are to include the instagram posts and twitter posts when Hiddleswift was first made public). While I understand wanting to defend your fave, there is a distinct line that should not be crossed and, in my opinion, it has been crossed in this situation ten times over.
What Calvin has done is not only rude, manipulative, and uncalled for, but absolutely emotionally abusive. He has taken a situation where Taylor has virtually said nothing on the matter, and turned it into a Taylor Swift bashing party. He has turned himself into the ultimate victim.
With that said, I’m not being naive Taylor Swift fan, as I’m sure plenty of you are dying to accuse me of being.I’m aware that Taylor has flaws just like the rest of us. I’m sure she had her part in this break up and am in no way blaming Calvin for their relationship falling apart. However, I am blaming Calvin for his behavior after the fact.
Let us start with the instagram comments. He felt the need to get his story out there without Taylor having said a thing. He claims she controlled the media, while the only confirmed media source we saw was People magazine when the break up was announced, which claimed it was mutual. He tweeted that it was as well, so we have no reason to believe that, at that point, the break up was not a mutual decision. They seemed friendly, as exemplified by the instagram like shortly after the announcement. As far as I can remember, there were no damaging articles written about him, other than opinion based articles from bullshit sources. Now, I’m not one to believe “a source close to Swift/Harris”, so I’m not going to drag in the numerous articles bashing Taylor that supposedly came from Harris’ camp.
However, Calvin made it so that I didn’t have to. He spoke openly about his ongoing beef with Taylor. He made comments such as “I’m free”, making it seem as though she was controlling. He made comments about her being calculated. He made comments portraying her as manipulative. He painted himself as the victim in what he once claimed was a mutual decision.
Moving on to recent twitter activity. After remaining silent on her split from Calvin, Taylor confirmed she had written “This Is What You Came For”. ALL that was confirmed was that she had written the song. She didn’t bash Calvin. She didn’t accuse him of forcing her to keep the secret. She simply came forward with the fact she had written it. While I can understand Calvin’s frustration, as he was apparently blindsided by her admission of this, what I cannot understand or excuse is the comments he made regarding Katy, her new relationship, and her character.
Here is a man who knows this woman’s every insecurity. He knows what makes her tick. He knows what hurts her. He was in a relationship with her for fifteen months. He loved her as she loved him. And what does he do? He turns around and uses every insecurity he knows he can use against her. He attacks her character, he attacks her as a business woman. He makes out as though when she’s bored, she finds someone to drag down. He uses the fact that so many people dislike her because of a distorted view the media has placed upon her as serial dater, Regina George in sheep’s clothing to his advantage, knowing that if he says what people already think, he’ll only be “confirming” their beliefs. He knows that she can’t speak out against it, because it’ll only make the situation worse. He knows she’s already getting flack for her relationship and can’t defend herself without being told it’s fake. He knows how long she’s been fighting the reputation other’s have placed upon her. He attempts to guilt her for her new relationship, for moving on, as if she’s somehow done something wrong by being happy when he’s so miserable.
Yet all I hear is that he’s upset. He’s sad. He’s having trouble moving on. He still loves her. And I’m here to tell you that that isn’t love. You don’t intentionally seek to harm someone you love, emotionally, in their career, in their love life, no matter how upset and hurt you are. You don’t attempt to destroy their image because your feelings are hurt.
This man is 32 years old. STOP saying he doesn’t know any better. STOP saying he can’t help it. STOP making excuses for him. Feeling hurt, angry, sad, upset, jealous, etc. Those are ALL valid feelings to feel during and after a break up, whether or not your ex has moved on. He is entitled to feel those things. It is his behavior which is inexcusable. It’s not romantic. It’s not cute. He knows how to behave like an adult. Being upset and hurt and still loving her are not valid excuses OR explanations for what he has done recently. STOP acting as though he is a child. He knows what he’s doing. He knows that it’s wrong. But because there is a HOARD of people standing in his corner saying things like “Poor man, he’s just so sad, he’s hurting. He doesn’t know how to handle his feelings. This is how he copes, let him cope the way he needs,” he is going to CONTINUE to act like this because these people are PERPETUATING the belief that it is okay for a man, for ANYONE, to tear another human being down because their feelings are hurt.
We have GOT to stop perpetuating the belief that this is normal break up behavior. This is NOT normal. This is NOT acceptable. This is ABUSIVE. This is HARMFUL. This is DAMAGING to every young person, every woman, who believes that someone who “loves” them will show them that by behaving in a destructive way, whether to themselves or to another person. It is NOT normal to try and garner the sympathies of others by using another person’s insecurities, relationships, past, etc against them. It is NOT normal to publicly humiliate someone else because your feelings are hurt. Do not let ANYONE tell you otherwise. It is manipulative and destructive behavior, and the fact that there are people willing to stand behind him and hashtag “TaylorSwiftIsDoneParty” while he all but ENCOURAGES it, yet tear a woman down for claiming credit on her work, the fact that SHE Is the one being called a snake while a grown ass man sits behind a keyboard and singlehandedly attempts to destroy her career because he is bitter and jealous and upset is what is wrong with this society. And if you continue to defend him, if you continue to stand behind a man who has shown nothing but animosity and pettiness since a break up over two months ago, you are part of the problem.
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