Call Me Tom, I’m So Petty

| responds to Horgaytio or Roses, 30 | she/they | bi/pan/queer | Multi-fandom with a lot of Shakespeare and pretty flowers/dresses |

[goldenaltar]

concept: no astrophage au where eridians and humans still make first contact but like, properly. a whole diplomatic mission meeting in the middle of space to save travel time. stratt is humanity's greatest representation. the eridian equivalent is equally as scary and secretly soft. it's all very star trek.

but rocky and grace put the whole diplomacy thing in jeopardy by being too best buddy with it. like they're both really low level members of the mission. some engineer necessary for ship maintenance, and an obligatory molecular biologist they brought along in case they found more alien cells out in space. and these two guys like, somehow keep ending up hanging out essentially "at the back of the classroom." consistently left out of the actually important negotiations, and well, they're bored!

grace steals some laptops and starts jury-rigging his own personal translator for rocky, despite the fact that the official translation software is way quicker to learn and much more nuanced. rocky starts learning english, simplifies his eridian, and immediately starts mocking grace for needing the software. they start blabbing to each other about all the weird quirks of their respective cultures and advanced science their planets can do. the whole time they are ribbing each other about culture stuff. grace eats in front of rocky. rocky forces grace to sleep in a corridor somewhere so he can keep watch.

then stratt and the eridian leader find out and it's like

stratt: you. you've been meeting in private with a member of the eridian deligation?

grace: ... yyyes.

stratt: and you shared with them classified scientific documents?

grace: i... maybe gave him. a laptop. he's so smart! what was i supposed to do?

stratt: HIM? you've assigned male pronouns to a genderless species?

grace: he said he likes to match!

stratt: do you even know the name of this eridian?!

grace: i call him rocky :)

stratt: 😰

then on rocky's side of things it's like

eridian leader: sorry did you say you called the human after one of its digestive noises?

rocky: yeah :)

eridian leader: and. you've been telling it about how to make xenonite. one of our most vital trading resources.

rocky: yes yes, grace is very ignorant about basic chemistry 🙄

eridian leader: right. and you watch it sleep. despite the fact that all the human beings we have spoken to have described this as a cultural violation?

rocky: well he didn't like it at first but he came around!!

anyway both sides of the delegation are sweating profusely (metaphorically speaking) until they see rocky and grace in action and are like ohh! they're both freaks. we are not to blame for this. these two are just really bad at navigating cultural norms.

cut to grace curled up with rocky while he sleeps like a baby.

[begayeatdice]

What Dreams May Come (East Fenwyck)

Featuring...

Eidlidh Den Gaelaifort the High Elf College of the Moon Bard Lorna Galfort (Londithil) the High Elf Magic Stealer Rogue Nigel the Half-Orc Way of the Kensei Monk Melórwën "Mel" Lindolore the Eladrin Circle of Dreams Druid Gideon de Bourgh the Human Path of the Wild Magic Barbarian Percival Pendleton "Pen" Sedgely Pergamom the High Elf

[begayeatdice]

Session 1

-is there dog racing here? -we immediately get kicked out of the tavern -apparently they don't like Eidlidh's home city -Eidlidh has all our money -Mel is a sparkle pony -Mel interviews the racing dogs -they're all stoked -they don't seem worries about the loser being turned into stew -we've been kicked out of the dog races -Nigel has been learning to insult people without saying anything -we all have terrible dreams! -except Mel -okay, we apparently can't tell anyone Eidlidh's last name -she volunteers to help kill a necromancer without pay -so noble -the farmers don't know about necromancers, they're concerned about the -Nigel's gonna fuck a random woman in the woods -ah, Lorna's terrible dream is real -we very efficiently murder them all -they were hired by Eidlidh's brother, oops -Nigel gets caught and immediately gives us all up -luckily we're not stupid enough to move -FLESH GOLEM -he eats the bodies -we need our wizard about it

[begayeatdice]

Session 2

-half the party is immediately spotted -Pen is yoinked and Gideon failed to tackle a guy about it -Gideon summons a pixie who explodes a man's head -they didn't appreciate that -it's not Gideon's fault that he's touched! -we have some Bad Fucking Dreams -we make eye contact with a chupecabra -it runs into the sewer -Pen is going to go question the magistrate in an academic way -the rest of us will search for the chupecabra -Nigel can SMELL the chupecabra... -the villages are run by.... *shudders* democracy -the chupecabra is a pubby -Lorna steals a magic necklace from the chupecabra's house -Nigel is offended by this -ooooh an angry mob! -Pen takes this opportunity to raid the magistrate's office -the city is BURNING! -it takes us fucking forever to reunite the party -the necklace controls the flesh golem -Lorna pretends to return it -we found Mel's people! -they're magically asleep around a magic tree -that shouldn't be a thing! -fucked up hole in the roots! -Pen is no stranger to holes -it's an arcane gate into another dimension! -too bag Nigel already crawled into it -IT GOES TO MILWAUKEE WISCONSIN -a man follows us out -he was a wayward child magicked away to the Republic???? -does Pen have any anthropological questions about Wisconsin? -so many -we bribe him into traveling with us a little -Gideon's mom has a portal to Napa in the basement

[bisexualhunterbiden]

Something that annoys me is the constant whining about "more queer spaces, more queer communities" but then they're immediately like "yeah! And we need ones that don't cost money or require a purchase!"

Girl that's exactly why they close down after a year. You NEED money to keep these places open. There's no magic Gay Money Pot with endless cash to keep these places open. It requires YOU to put your money where your values are!!

[bisexualhunterbiden]

Like there was a queer coffee shop in my city. Owned and operated by a bunch of LGBT people. Not a cishet on the schedule. Tons of young people raved about it.

And it made it about 2 years before shutting down completely. Because all those young people who begged for a place exactly like this would just show up, not buy a single thing, and leave. You cannot build a community without putting your money into it. This isn't about capitalism, this is just reality. You can't open a restaurant where no one buys your food. You can't have a gay bar that only serves 5% of the population and actively excludes everyone else. This is what I mean when I say people confuse "community" and "friend group." You're not obligated to spend money when hanging out with your friend group. But if you want a lasting community centered space, you need to open up that wallet.

[th3vi0linist]

To take a slightly different track here, I do actually think that community spaces that don't require a purchase are a good thing and we should have them!

But we can't expect them to look exactly like spaces that do require a purchase but without the part where you spend money.

A free community space doesn't look like a queer cafe, it's the weekly groups run by a local LGBT center. It's not the bookstore that sells exclusively lesbian romance, it's that one library branch that you know the librarian working at is cool because they ordered the library system a copy of that new book with a trans MC that all your friends are talking about but you can't afford. Things that exist, and are important, but we do have to be realistic about how they come to be. Even if you don't need to purchase things to keep these spaces running, we still need to support them, through volunteering, donations, taxes, all of those sorts of things

[genderkoolaid]

also: if you want queer spaces that don't cost money, you should understand that will probably include homeless queer people. who also deserve queer spaces and queer community even when they can't open their wallets or be super presentable and socially adept. community isn't just your friends and your customers.

also "this isn't about capitalism" wrong. everything is about capitalism. even just in the sense that We Live In A Capitalist Economy. "this is just reality" yes! capitalist reality! capitalism is not something that can be segregated into only specific conversations and is completely unrelated to the idea that "community spaces" means "buying services from a small business" lol

[hyperlexichypatia]

I think we can and should have queer-FRIENDLY third spaces that don't cost money (meet-ups in public libraries or public parks or other public spaces), but they’re not going to be queer-ONLY.

Generally speaking, a space can't be free-as-in-beer AND gatekept.

Now accordingly to me, this is a feature, not a bug -- I want public spaces where queers and queerness are welcome, not a members-only queer country club. But some people really want exclusivity without having to pay for it.

[libraford]

Googled something about quick hydration and it suggested big jug of water, couple tbsp pickle juice, dash of lime juice.

Its surprisingly tasty????

[libraford]

Pleased to report that after a day of this i am not longer craving caper brine and my mouth is not dry as usual. There's some good suggestions in the notes too that I want to try.

-ancient roman posca: water, red or white wine vinegar, honey, salt, herbs (coriander, mint, thyme)

-switchel: water, ginger, vinegar, sweetener, lemon, salt

-ayran: yogurt, water, salt, mint

-Agua pepino: water, cucumbers, lime, sugar, optional mint.

[libraford]

I have been reminded of:

-shrub: vinegar, sida water, elderberry (or other berry), sugar.

[libraford]

I have now been informed of

-sekanjabin: honey, vinegar, mint, water.

[libraford]

"Wow, I wonder why this post was popular this week."

-sees the reports of the heatwave in Europe-

"... ah."

[ozempicofficial]

[wizard-council-bureaucrat]

Time loops strike again 😔

[fallenangelvictorious]

No??? 18 years of time loop obviously 🙄

[ruusverd]

This post will gradually get less funny until reaching its lowest point in 2043, after which it will gradually become funnier indefinitely

[zxid]

collection

[fishlung8877]

[kitkat5628]

The Nightwing #140 swimsuit variant by Dan Mora is out... Omgomgomg

Thank you Dan Mora for existing🙏🙏🙏

[killowave]

[supremeshogunrj]

The longer it takes for this to come across your dash the funnier it is

[libraryogre]

Which will fade first? Memories of the Area 51 "raid", or memories of Internet Explorer?

[unusual-suspects]

x

[achillesinhighheels]

"When Harlem Was" by Eric Bowman.

[femaledaily]

CARRIE FISHER as LEIA ORGANA STAR WARS – ORIGINAL TRILOGY 1977–1983 | dir. George Lucas

[podcastwizard]

you don’t realize how important lunch is until you’re wandering around thinking about how unloveable and untalented and uniquely cursed you are and then it’s 4pm and you finally eat lunch and you go Oh. oh right.

[honourablejester]

I don’t know why that affected me so strongly, but I’m watching a youtube video on disasters on Lake Huron, and the first one involves a coal freighter that was lost in the White Hurricane of 1913 called the SS Argus. Everyone on the ship was lost. But it’s mentioned that the captain’s body washed up later, and was found without a life jacket. So they thought, based partly on testimony of another ship that thought they saw them go down, that it just happened too fast for him to have time to get his jacket. But then another body was found, that of the second cook, and she was found wearing the life jacket marked ‘captain’. And that’s …

It didn’t work. It didn’t save her. But it’s so very possible that he spent his last moments alive trying to save someone else, one of his crew, and they probably both knew that it wouldn’t work, that there wasn’t a lot of hope in a blizzard on the lakes in November, but he tried … he tried anyway. Even if it did nothing but maybe make her body easier for her family to find.

You know that Mr Rogers thing of ‘look for the helpers’? How many times has someone, facing the end, done something tiny and fragile and maybe hopeless just to try and help someone else? Whether it works or not. How many people went to their graves at least trying?

That has to say something about us. As a people. As monstrous as we sometimes (perhaps often) are, so many times we were also …

Whoever saves one life, saves the whole world.

And sometimes you can’t save one life, sometimes it doesn’t work, sometimes there’s no getting out of this for anyone, but … try anyway. Because it matters anyway.

And maybe no one will ever know. But maybe also some day more than a century down the line, maybe some idiot will be crying into her coffee because of what you died trying.

[agnesmontague]

i love the word jumbotron. the most american word, beating out any sad contender the likes of “burger”. immediately you get “jumbo”, the most american size; land of the Big Gulp. “tron”, like the movie, implying some vague cybernetic concept that hints at its purpose. then you find out, oh, it’s the giant screen at football games. the thing that sometimes puts you on blast for the most mortifying 45 seconds of your life, if you are so lucky. feel like (or become) a star, however briefly. get your affair blasted on national tv. everything about the word speaks to such an american way of living. huge fan

[agnesmontague]

#hate to break it to you but uh#Jumbotron's from Sony#Sony's from Japan#It was invented by a Japanese person

even better! it's an immigrant

[currentlycryingaboutlancelot]

beatrice from much ado would make such a good medieval damsel one meets on a quest. beautiful and lovely. quite witty. the only thing she asks of you is you immediately commit for her an act of extreme violence

[sweetcardamom]

Ah, the simple joys of maidenhood!

[omnidudess-deactivated20240501]

Oh yeah, she deserved that Oscar bad

[dancinbutterfly]

He wants to fuck her so bad it makes him look stupid

[xadnem]

That's his fiancee.

[westofwonders]

[bittsandpieces]

do you think dentists have any awareness of mental illness and it's effects on oral care or do they live in a state of patronizing ignorance