âno homoâ I whisper as I look at my garden of pea plants. The progeny had expressed a 1:2:1 ratio of phenotypes. I am Gregor Mendel.Â
This joke is lethal

Game Changer & Make Some Noise
No title available
Fai_Ryy
I'd rather be in outer space đ¸
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TMBGareOK. The Official They Might Be Giants tumblr

if i look back, i am lost
todays bird
Today's Document

Product Placement
art blog(derogatory)
KIROKAZE
Sade Olutola
No title available
Cosimo Galluzzi
No title available
occasionally subtle
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"

tannertan36

oozey mess

seen from United States
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@morninghcwell
âno homoâ I whisper as I look at my garden of pea plants. The progeny had expressed a 1:2:1 ratio of phenotypes. I am Gregor Mendel.Â
This joke is lethal
am I doing this right
Please donât fucking log off tumblr on the 17th as a protest. All thatâs going to do is give tumblr more reason to shut this place down because of revenue loss.
Please donât fucking log off tumblr on the 17th as a protest. All thatâs going to do is give tumblr more reason to shut this place down because of revenue loss.
This is blatantly untrue
Companies do not experience one day of revenue loss and pull the plug, destroying years of work and firing dozens if not hundreds of employees.
Companies which experience loss in revenue and consumer interest make investments and changes in order to regain their users/customers. Thatâs why organized protests and boycotts WORK. Tumblr will NOT go down after one bad day or week, but they might be willing to listen to its userbase if we put up an organized protest. (If you donât believe me, think about how long sites like MySpace and Google+ hang around with fractions of their previous user base, often for years.)
Yahoo paid over one billion dollars for Tumblr, and the website will not go offline because of a one-day event, so in conclusion,
DO log off on December 17th to show Tumblr that you disapprove of its recent content ban and clumsy execution of censorship.
Please reblog this version of the post to stop the spread of misinformation.
I didnât know how this kind of stuff works so I apologize for spreading misinformation.
*Switches languages in mid-sentence while talking to myself*
GLITTERBOY â Shot By Quil Lemons @quillemons
me: why are you destroying earth!!!
aliens: because theres people who think that english is the only language they need to speak
me: thats fair i understand
For some reason I find this all the more amusing because itâs written in English
moi: pourquoi vous dÊtruisez le monde!!! l'extraterrestre: parce que il y a des gens qui pensent que l'anglais est le seule langue pour parler moi: ah ça c'est bien
ich: warum zerstĂśrt ihr die erde!!!
aliens: weil es leute gibt die glauben dass englisch die einzige sprache ist die sie sprechen mĂźssen
ich: das ist fair ich verstehe
Êg: af hverju eyðileggið Þið jÜrðina!!! aliens: af Þvà að Það er fólk sem finnst að enska sÊ sú eina tungumål sem Þau Þurfa að tala Êg: oh, Það er vit à Þessu. Êg skil.
ik: waarom vernietig je de aarde!!!
aliens: omdat er mensen zijn die denken dat engels de enige taal is die ze hoeven te spreken
ik: oh zo, ik snap het
minä: miks te tuhootte maapalloo?
alienit: koska tääl on ihmisiä joitten mielestä englanti on ainoo kieli jota niitten täytyy puhua
minä: toi on reilua, ymmärrän
ç§: ăŠăăăŚĺ°çăćť ăźăăŚăăăă§ăăďź
ĺŽĺŽäşş: čąčŞăăĺăĺż čŚăăŞăă¨ćăäşşăăăăăă§ă
ç§: ăŞăăťăŠăăăăăžăă
me: WosĂźck maakt ji de Welt twei!!!
aliens: wieldat dat Lßßd gifft, de dinkt dat Engelsch de allenige Spraak weer, de een snacken mßtt
me: jo, daar seggst wat. Nu versta ikât
aniga: dhulka maxaad u burburinaya !!!
shisheeyaha: dadka intiisa badani u malaynayaan in Ingiriisidu tahay afka oo kaliya ay u baahan yihiin inay la hadlaan
aniga: waxaan fahamsanahay. waa wax cadaalad
ćďźä˝ 䝏为äťäšĺ¨ćŻçĺ°ç?ďźďź
ĺ¤ćäşşďźĺ 为ć人䝼为äťäťŹĺŞäźčąčŻĺ°ąĺŻäťĽäş
ćďźćäşďźčŻ´ĺžćéç
ako: bakit niyo sinisira ang mundo!!!
taga-ibang planeta: kasi merong mga taong akala nila Ingles lang ang kailangan nilang matutunang lenggwahe
ako: ah, sige naiintindihan ko
Aku : kenapa kau hancurkan bumi!!! Alien : karena masih banyak orang berpikir hanya bahasa inggris satu-satunya bahasa yang terpenting Aku : oh, oke lah..
tĂ´i: tấi sao cĂĄc ngưáťi háť§y diáťt trĂĄi ÄẼt!!! ngưáťi ngoĂ i hĂ nh tinh: báťi vĂŹ cĂł ngưáťi nghÄŠ ráşąng tiáşżng Anh lĂ thᝊ tiáşżng duy nhẼt mĂ háť cáş§n biáşżt tĂ´i: áť tháşż thĂŹ tĂ´i hiáťu
Eu: Por que vocĂŞs estĂŁo destruindo a Terra?! Aliens: Porque hĂĄ pessoas que pensam que o inglĂŞs ĂŠ a Ăşnica lĂngua que eles precisam falar. Eu: Isso ĂŠ justo, eu entendo.
jag: varfĂśr fĂśrintar ni jorden!!!
utomjordingar: fÜr det finns folk som tror att engelska är det ända sprüket de behÜver kunna
jag: rimligt, jag fĂśrstĂĽr
JĂĄ: ProÄ niÄĂte Zemi?
MimozemĹĄĹĽani: ProtoĹže tu jsou lidĂŠ, kteĹĂ si myslĂ, Ĺže angliÄtina je jedinĂ˝ jazyk, kterĂ˝ potĹebujĂ znĂĄt
JĂĄ: To je fĂŠr, to chĂĄpu.
ja: dlaczego niszczycie ZiemiÄ?
kosmici: poniewaĹź sÄ ludzie, ktĂłrzy myĹlÄ , Ĺźe angielski to jedyny jÄzyk, ktĂłrego potrzebujÄ
ja: rozumiem, w porzÄ dku
io: perchè state distruggendo la terra!!!
alieni: perchè ci sono delle persone che credono che lâinglese sia lâunica lingua di cui hanno bisogno
io: capisco, mi sembra giusto
Yo: porquĂŠ estĂĄs destruyendo la tierra!?!?
Extraterrestre: porque hay personas quienes creen que inglĂŠs es la Ăşnica lengua que se tiene que hablar.
Yo: te entiendo, es justo.
ĐŻ: ĐĐžŃĐľĐźŃ Đ˛Ń ŃниŃŃОМаоŃĐľ ĐоПНŃ?!?! ĐнОпНаноŃŃно: ĐĐžŃĐžĐźŃ ŃŃĐž ĐľŃŃŃ ĐťŃди, кОŃĐžŃŃĐľ ŃŃиŃаŃŃ, ŃŃĐž иП Đ˝ŃМнО гОвОŃиŃŃ ŃОНŃкО пО-ангНиКŃки. ĐŻ: Đ, Đ˝Ń ĐżĐžĐ˝ŃŃнО, ŃОгда НаднО!
A modern Rosetta stone.
hey uh? i dont really know if this is real but im? kinda both scared and disgusted rn? even if youâre not muslim if you could spread this? i dont know how many muslim followers i have but, please, stay safe?
please spread this and please stay safe.
every single one of my followers should reblog this. Keep your brothers and sisters safe.
DUDE WTH
what the frick is this real
according to the internet this is a real thing in the UK.
thats messed up.
stay safeÂ
I just looked it up and for real people are getting these letters all over the UK.
Please be safe if youre muslim, if youre not muslim please look out for and protect the muslim people around you, theres some seriously sick people out there that may very well act on this.
What the actual fuck.
Please stay safe everyone
Rushed to snopes, hoping to find itâs a hoax - doesnât seem to be, and itâs reported on The Independent and on Sky News and on The Guardian.
Stay safe, everyone.
âIn order to run away with her new love, she stole the body of a dead nun, placed it in the bed of her lover, and set the room on fire to cover their escapeâ
PETITION TO MAKE A MOVIE/TV SERIES ABOUT JULIE D'AUBIGNY.
And people say Opera Divas are boring
on the subjects of boobs and shirts and boobs in shirts
OH GOD THANK YOU.
YES THANK YOU
Iâm looking at you PROFESSIONAL COMIC BOOK ARTISTS.
buzz aldrin looks like heâs about to tie trump to a rocket and launch him off into space
Do it, buzz
Now thatâs a facial journey
Some of my favorites:
Its like hes going through the 5 stages of grief but he keeps flip flopping between bargaining and anger
2017 mood.
I think this one is my favourite
I normally donât reblog things like this but honestly this is one of a kind and buzz is fantastic
God bless
Fun animal facts I have learned being a zoo docent
1. There are several ways to classify the large cats, one of the more useful ones is into the roaring cats (tigers, lions) and the purring cats (bobcats, lynxes). The puma (also known as the mountain lion) is the largest cat that purrs. Iâve heard it up close, itâs amazing. A cheetahâs purr sounds like an idling motorcycle engine.
2. Kangaroos cannot move their legs independently of each other, they have to move them in sync - when theyâre on land. When theyâre swimming, they can move them separately. Hopping is their most efficient way to move - a walking kangaroo is awkward as hell. They swing both legs forward using their tail as a third leg to prop up while their legs swing.
3. People often think that flamingoesâ knees bend the wrong way. They donât - the joint youâre seeing in the middle of their leg isnât their knee, itâs their ankle. Their knee is up by their body, and it bends the same way ours does.
4. Giraffes only sleep 1-2 hours a day.
5. Bald eaglesâ vocalizations are not what you expect. When you see a flying bald eagle in the movies and hear that majestic caw sound? That isnât an eagle, itâs been dubbed over with another bird, usually a red-tailed hawk. Bald eagles actually soundâŚnot majestic. Kind of like if a kitten could be a bird.
6. Elephants are one of only a handful of animals that can pass the mirror test - in other words, they can recognize their own reflection (and not think itâs another animal, as dogs and cats usually do). They tested this by placing a chalk mark on an elephantâs forehead and then showing it a mirror. The elephant investigated the mark on its own forehead, indicating it knew that it was looking at itself. Â The only animals that pass this test are the higher primates, the higher cetaceans (orcas, dolphines), elephants, and weirdly, magpies.
7. One-fifth of all the known mammal species are bats.
8. A kangaroo mother can have three joeys simultaneously at different stages of development: an embryo in her womb (kangaroos can do whatâs called embryonic diapause which means sort of putting the development on pause until sheâs ready for it to develop further), a joey in her pouch attached to one nipple, and a joey out of the pouch on the ground who nurses from the other one. The amazing thing? Each of her nipples make different formulations of milk for each joeyâs different nutritional needs.
9. Bonobos, our closest genetic relative (they are more closely related to us than they are to either chimps or gorillas) are almost entirely non-aggressive, matriarchal, and use sex to solve all their problems. They engage in both same and opposite sex interactions, non-penetrative sex (oral, rubbing, manual) and with any age. Thatâs an interesting area to work in, lemme tell you.
10. Tortoises have super loud sex. Like, really loud.
11. All grizzlies are brown bears, but not all brown bears are grizzlies (grizzlies are a sub-categorization of the brown bear).
12. Reindeer are the only deer species where both males and females grow antlers. The males shed theirs the beginning of December, the females shed theirs in the spring. So all of Santaâs reindeer are girls, heh. I love telling little kids that.
13. If a rhinoceros knocks off its horn, it grows back faster than youâd expect. One of ours, Rosie, has knocked hers off twice.
14. Gorillas get crushes on each other. And on the humans that take care of them. Male gorillas also masturbate. I donât know if the females do, Iâve never seen it. Sometimes itâs like a soap opera up in there.
15. Langur monkeys are silvery-gray in color - their babies are bright orange. Like Cheeto orange, I do not exaggerate.
16. Polar bear fur is not white, itâs transparent, like fiber optics. Also, their skin is black.
This is all excellent and awesome and I am a happier, better person for this knowledge.
Also, you go badass lady reindeer. Sleigh.
This was really cool to read actually.
Cheeto babies confirmed.
John Mulaney | The Salt & Pepper Diner
THE BEST JOKE IN EXISTENCE
GOD I JUST TOLD SOMEONE ABOUT THIS STORY
This is one of the best pieces of comedy that I have ever had the pleasure of witnessing. I love this. I have been looking for this online for awhile.
[Audio transcription: I wanted to tell you one story. Uh. This is the story of the best meal Iâve ever had in my life, okay. Happened when I was eleven years old in Chicago, IL where I grew up. I went to a place called the Salt & Pepper Diner, uh, with my best friend John. We walk into the diner one day, and they had a jukebox there, okay? And the jukebox was three plays for a dollar. So we put in 7 dollars and selected 21 plays of of Tom Jonesâs Whatâs New Pussycat. And then we ordered and waited.Â
Hereâs the thing about when, uh, Whatâs New Pussycat plays over and over and over and over and over again. The second time it plays, your immediate thought is not âhey someoneâs playing Whatâs New Pussycat again.â Itâs âhey, Whatâs New Pussycat is a lot longer than I first thought. The third time it plays youâre thinking maybe someoneâs playing Whatâs New Pussycat again. The fourth time it plays youâre either thinking âwhoa someone just played Whatâs New Pussycat FOUR TIMES or at least someone played it twice, and itâs a really long song.â So the fifth time is the kicker, alright?Â
Now, John and I weâre watching the entire diner at this point, alright? Most people have gotten wind as to whatâs going on. And weâre staring at this one guy and heâs sitting in like a booth with his stupid kids jumping around, and heâs like staring at his coffee cup like this, and heâs been onto us since the beginning. And heâs sitting there, and his hand is shaking, and he had this look on his face like, aw, like he had just gotten his thirty day chip from anger management. And heâs staring like this, and the fourth song fades out. Itâs dead quiet. Then, I donât know if you know this, but the song begins very quietlyâŚ
BWAAAH BWAAAAAH WHATâS NEW PUSSYCAT and he goes GOD DAMN IT and pounds on the table, silverware flies everywhere, and it was fantastic. But a word about my best friend John and what a genius he was because when we first walked into the diner, okay? When we first got there and Iâm punching in the Whatâs New Pussycats alright? Iâve punched in like 7 at this point then John says to me âhey hey hey before you punch in another Whatâs New Pussycat letâs drop in one Itâs Not Unusual.â
Oh yes. That is when the afternoon went from good to great. After seven Whatâs New Pussycats. In a row - It played seven times. Suddenly - Dum da dum, ITâS NOT UNUSUAL and the sigh of relief that swept through the diner. People were so happy. It was like the liberation of France. You know for years scientists have wondered can you make grown men and women weep tears of joy by playing Tom Jonesâs Itâs Not Unusual and the answer is yes you can. Provided that it is preceded by seven Whatâs New Pussycats. Itâs true. Dead honest.
And on the other hand. When we went back. Holy shit. Itâs Not Unusual fade out. Itâs dead quiet. BWAAAH BWAAAAH WHATâS NEW PUSSYCAT people went insane. People went out of their minds. No one could handle it. No one could handle it. And they were surrounded by this seemingly indifferent staff that was just like âyup some crap as always.âÂ
They unplugged the jukebox after eleven plays. And that was the best meal I ever had.]
reblogging again coz this time it has audio transcription (bless you) and itâs still forever hilarious omg
If this is your first time seeing the Salt & Pepper Diner story, I envy you. Sometimes I wish I could hear it again for the first time.
The Evolution of Douchebag Style [full video]
Oh, heâs good.
I donât know whether he deserves an Oscar or a restraining order.
I die laughing at this every god damn time. The prayer hands are so fucking funny
Reblog this if you are literally suprised when people find you attractive.
Hazel Scott playing two pianos at the same damn time with ease
Hazel Scott was a musical sorcerer and a civil rights hero. Â She:
 was admitted to Julliard at 8. Â
was performing in top venues by 16. Â
pioneered âswinging the classicsâ and made the equivalent of a million dollars a year doing it. Â
was the first person of color to have their own national TV show. Â
went to Hollywood but refused to be cast as a âsinging maid.â  Demanded and got control over her casting, her wardrobe, and how footage featuring her was cut. Â
refused to perform in segregated venues and led charges for integration in several northern cities, notably Spokane. Â
She was brought down by the House Committee on Unamerican Activities, and has been largely forgotten. Â But she was a sorcerer, and a hero. Â
@theladyragnell
Letâs un-forget her.