Ship ALL the Things @mother-shipper - Tumblr Blog

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throo

Wh-what do you mean it’s from a birthday cake

throo

We could have been eating him

shrekhollander

Jade Pike: *Hayden, Shane and Jackie are inside the house getting food and Ilya is outside with the Pike kids and Anya* Uncle Shane, Uncle Ilya had an accident in the car... Ruby is helping him.

Shane and Hayden: *They get super concerned and get outside fast af because Ilya was showing off his Porsche to the kids, they immediately head out to see what happened*

Ilya: *Is stuck inside this thing*

bolshe-ilya

When I say I want Shane and Ilya to retire at the same time, I mean the exact same time. As in after their last game ever, there is a five minute standoff as they both wait for the other to step off the ice first. "After you. No please you go first. No you. No you. You got onto the ice first Ilya. Well you were born first Hollander so you go." They eventually agree to hold hands and step off together, squeezing their big shoulders thru the small gap at the same time.

This continues into who leaves the shower first, who leaves the locker room first, who leaves the stadium first etc. They are an hour late to their retirement party.

slobonmynov

Thinking about myCliff and myIlya having a day off tradition of getting high and watching tv shows together for hours on end. It’s not every single day off, because Cliff has a lot of family obligations when he’s in Boston, but it happens whenever they can swing it.

Ilya hosts and Cliff is in charge of snacks. One memorable occasion saw him being an entire Costco pizza - a revalation, but not to be repeated because Roz burnt the top of his mouth to shit trying to eat it too fast.

They wear unintentionally coordinated outfits - Ilya usually in his Rick Owens and a baggy muscle tank that’s more hole than cloth, and Cliff in Champion sweatpants, funnily enough he’s usually the one who’s shirtless.

Sometimes they’ll try a new show but mostly they rewatch their comfort shows. Their favorites are:

comedies (Parks and Rec, Modern Family, they tried 30Rock but after a while the jokes start to go over their sweet little stoney baloney heads)

procedurals (SVU bc they’re obsessed with Mariska Hargitay and Bones bc the dynamic of the characters is like a big happy family and that is appealing to them for different reasons)

and reality tv (basically any bravo show. They tried Grand Designs once in December of 2016 and Ilya started silently weeping? So Marly quickly put on the christening fight episode of RHONJ)

Nature documentaries (the introduction of 4k tvs to the market really melted their brains. Ilya briefly considered returning the tv after Marly almost broke it the first time. In his defense the snow leopard did look real enough to pet.)

Importantly, they don’t really talk that much, besides grunting at each other to pass the snacks, laughing, or lazily quoting their favorite lines. But sometimes, a couple of hours in, Roz will get so comfortable that he goes into a kind of trance and lets things small things slip, in relation to whatever is going on on the screen. That is how Cliff learns Roz’s brother deserves a swift kick in the nuts, that he should ask his Nonna to pray for Roz’s father to rot in hell, and that Roz is in love with Montreal Jane.

bees-with-swords

"Do you ever dream of land?" The whale asks the tuna.

"No." Says the tuna, "Do you?"

"I have never seen it." Says the whale, "but deep in my body, I remember it."

"Why do you care," says the tuna, "if you will never see it."

"There are bones in my body built to walk through the forests and the mountains." Says the whale.

"They will disappear." Says the tuna, "one day, your body will forget the forests and the mountains."

"Maybe I don't want to forget," Says the whale, "The forests were once my home."

"I have seen the forests." Whispers the salmon, almost to itself.

"Tell me what you have seen," says the whale.

"The forests spawned me." Says the salmon. "They sent me to the ocean to grow. When I am fat with the bounty of the ocean, I will bring it home."

"Why would the forests seek the bounty of the oceans?" Asks the whale. "They have bounty of their own."

"You forget," says the salmon, "That the oceans were once their home."

hearnoweevil

Last year I finally had an excuse to illustrate this simple little Tumblr story I've had bookmarked forever for class.

I hope you like it :]

jamqyu

Role-Reversal AU: Villain Robert x Hero Flambae 🤖🔥

ahmnorhein-zkn

Repost, now do your honors.

jkl-fff

Trans people just existing is no more sexual than when cis people just exist.

maraleestuff

I want a friendship between Shane and Cliff Marleau (sort of like an extrovert adopts an introvert type of thing). Pre-outing, they’re close enough that Shane comes out to him.

“Hey,” Cliff says, suddenly struck with the best idea he’s ever had. “I think I know someone you’d get along great with.”

“Marleau, I’m not really looking—“

“No, no, trust me. He’s a good guy, and one of the best hockey players I’ve ever met—aside from you, of course.”

Shane isn’t sure where Cliff is going with this, but he does know he’s not interested in anyone but Ilya.

“I know you mean well but—“

“Rozanov,” Cliff announces, grin a mile wide, and Shane blinks. Cliff, for his part, is incredibly sure this is a good idea; he knows that Ilya is bisexual, even if he doesn’t talk about it. Even Cliff is aware of the dangers with Russia. Even if the rest of the league hates it, they can fuck off.

Mistaking Shane’s silence for skepticism, Cliff continues, “I know he seems like an asshole, but he’s one of the best men you’ll ever meet. I know you’ve seen it—the whole rivalry thing is bullshit anyways, right? He’s actually a big softie…”

Cliff talks up Ilya, and Shane smiles, glad that Ilya has such a good friend—even though he isn’t sure how to tell Cliff that he and Ilya are already an item.

#Marleau taking credit for Hollanov is so fucking funny to me! 😂

faggydoggie

putting my hand up during sex to ask a clarifying question about the order you just gave me

platypuslappy

(Part 3/3) last part of the bff talk 🫶

Part 2 is here! Or start from the beginning :)

ghostlyarchaeologist

bluemuffin-draws

Endurance runners

Part 2 of this

interquad

Super disappointing to finally see artwork accurately representing my body and realize it’s being reposted on subreddits like “awful taste but great execution” and “diwhy” :( Like this is so cool

(Note- none of the people reposting it to make fun are posting a source and I haven’t been able to find one after an hour of searching, so I can’t say for certain what the artist’s intentions are/if it’s intended to be about intersex genitals or embryonic genital development or both)

bogeyworman

The artist is Sonia Rose aka Rose Grown. It is captioned "Biology is not binary".

152K Followers, 676 Following, 550 Posts - See Instagram photos and videos from Sonia Rose (@rosegrown)

@interquad

paperplateprose

i know i have never once posted about phm on this blog but this post forcefully burrowed its way out from my fingers and i had to put it somewhere.

imagine humanity from an eridian perspective in which erid is a paradise, a kind planet of kinder people.

these aliens are fragile. they have no shell, no armor, like a prey animal laid bare. they can 'forget' the things they learn and know, they lose parts of themselves with time, time that their short lifespans don't allow for anyway. the harsh environment they live in kills an eridian quickly, but our own environment kills a human almost instantly. their greatest strength is stamina; slowly recovering from any blow that is not deadly, continuing to move and work without being tired. their best and only defense is allowing the blows to land and bearing the pain.

they are a delicate spark. surely, the world they come from is a cradle, a kinder one than ours, a soft world of comfort made to shelter these beings.

it is not. earth is war.

earth is a planet where being born with the wrong shape, or the wrong light-texture, or with the wrong mind, can have you beaten or killed or worse. earth is a world where you will be battered until broken for the crime of needing to breathe and think. earth is a world where those who cannot work to buy food will starve, and those around them will lament their laziness and not their tragedy. earth is a world that sent its savior to die, and forced him to forget what they did so he would not go insane.

human bodies are fragile because they are shattered every day since the moment they are born and cannot fix themselves fast enough. human minds are fragile because they need to forget what happens to them, or their minds may break under the stress of what they go through. human eyes leak when they are sad because there is nowhere for the sadness to go but out. it all has to leave, it has to be thrown away constantly, or the human will be crushed underneath the weight of it.

a human can die from misery. just the emotion alone is enough to stop their single, beautiful heart. and earth makes them drown in it. sink or swim, as the humans say, we will not save you if you cannot breathe.

and now a human is here, on erid, and he is asking if he can stay. just for a little while, he says, until he can return home. just for a little while, says the delicate spark, a moment to you and a lifetime to me, i will stay here. i will teach your children, many of whom are older than me, because every second of my time must be spent before my life is gone. i will learn your ways, again and again, until my mind is able to hold on to whatever it can. i will manage your world, the strain of the gravity on my muscles and bones, and try to stand as if i am not suffering, as humans always do.

and then i will go back to earth, to drown and die. i will let you all be, and the time will pass faster than you know. so please, if you could give me a home, any will do, i would like that very much.

would you not give him everything?