heyy i have a big question for someone with a homelander degree...
ok the thing is that in fanon he's either written like
dom daddy 50 shades of gray kinda guy, that needs to be in charge at every single moment, or
subby wubby mommy kink haver that complains when you don't pay attention to him and follows you around like a lost puppy (but won't admit it)
which one do you think it's the most correct? i personally enjoy both, but I guess homelander whining and being super clingy makes much more sense according to the canon...
Homelander is your mirror. He will whatever makes YOU happy at the end of the day. This is so long btw, had to make it into chapters. (One sentence answer at the end)
We know 3 things canonically that shaped him. And there’s one thing that I head canon strongly:
A) he was conditioned by watching stories of a perfect American family, a husband who protects the wife, teaches his son how to be a man, makes sure his daughter finds a good partner
B) he experienced sexual trauma in the lab that ended up repressing some side of him. For those who missed it, in s4 ep4 he remembers how the scientists made fun of him for masturbating/there was cameras ALWAYS on him
C) when he just joined Vought he was 17/18 and Madelyn was in her early 30s I believe.
D) (head-canon) in the finale of s1 when he has sex with Stillwell he slaps her which she doesn’t like, she sees it as aggression. If this was influenced by anything I believe it would be porn. He isn’t stupid, he knows he doesn’t love or care for America. Same with those values from the movies. He likes the idea of them but he is also drawn to the other side of the coin. He just lives the stereotype they put him in, but there’s a human instinct to get out of them and this is what this text is about.
Two types you described are reflections of what we saw with Madelyn and Stormfront. So the confusion is valid, they are two different behaviors.
He was depended on Madelyn, shadowing her, wanting her approval. This is what she wanted from him. Even that slap, whatever it was supposed to communicate (his preference or whatever he thought SHE expected bc “that’s what people like”) was shut down by her quickly and he just adjusted politely.
With Stormfront, the moment SHE threw him around, he matched her pace. Their sex scene is wild, then they fuck in public, he makes that sex tape and even there you can hear how crude is the language he uses towards her.
3.Importance of propaganda
I believe that he is confused himself. Being sweet and caring is something he’d associate with Vought propaganda. Even if he truly wants a white picket fence, he doesn’t feel completely…natural in it? A side of him is always mocking it. And when it happens? It’s very forced. Maybe even more exhausting than that. Because he craves it SO much it makes the people around him, for example Ryan, fear him even more. He’s not angry, he’s obsessed. He has expectations. Even when he got Stormfront the flowers but she didn’t care and he burned the trailer down. HE SO WANTED THIS. He wanted tenderness, appreciation, soft kisses. This man never had a good make out session I believe; slow and vulnerable. Of course he freaked out on her. His expectations were over the roof and she just dismissed them. It’s like when u really want something that someone promised you and all you get is a low budget version. He felt that people just don’t get it. When in reality perfection doesn’t exist. Which is another important point here. He doesn’t understand, because he believes in unrealistic standards of love. That’s why he tries to find “a key”. Not in a strategic way, no. Like a lost pigeon who goes from trash can to trash can just doing it automatically. Vought’s propaganda made him ASSUME and BELIEVE he knows what he wants.
On the other hand, talking filthy and dominating/switching is something that seemed to also come naturally to him. Just like that deep need for domestic life.
It’s not like he had to hype himself up, no, he just did it. And he knew how to do it. So technically, he is good at both. He can be picture perfect blonde guy, and a sex machine in private. BUT. Are any of them real, are any of them what he wants to be forever. Nahh.
I think he craves a mystery. A life where sex can be his private matter. Not Vought’s, not transactional. So he believes in that human approach to it. BUT THEN. He uses sex as a deflection on people who rage bait him. On Hughie, Starlight, Meave too. Or when he spoke to Zoe and Ryan? That was disgusting. He doesn’t understand the importance of sex. Why would he, really. His first experiences were mocked and recorded, his second experiences was being groomed and kinda assaulted in the corridor. We don’t know what happened next, it was either Madelyn being a groomer or Meave kinda saving the day.
If I were to sum it up I would say that he is super confused, but he also doesn’t want to unpack it. That’s why he mirrors his partner. If you want a dom, he will give u that. If you want sub, he will give you that. As long as he trusts that there’s no transaction or exploitation here….but that’s the thing. If it’s a good relationship, there wouldn’t be…boxes like this, you know? If it’s a good relationship, then he could just be whatever he wants to be. And that’s where we finally, actually approach the question.
Sexuality is fluid. Not just orientation but how you want to experience it, how you feel about it or understand it. You can be in a relationship for a year and things can change or you can learn something you didn’t know. I feel like that would scare him. The fluidity. In a good relationship there wouldn’t be a set pattern. Just like when he was confused with Stillwell. “Does she want to humiliate me, love me, want me to slap her, kiss her…etc etc.” I hate that scene. It’s so…cold. Just…”take your pants off.” And then there’s a cut and a reflection of them upside down in that snow globe, which show perfectly how unnatural the whole conversation was.
His sex scene with Stormfront started from when she told him he’s perfect to her, that she’s been looking for him for years. Even after he learned her backstory (which I believe he had an opinion on but he’d stupid enough to ignore it-I think so because of that one scene where he give her a side eye later) he is still willing to have sex with her because maybe this is the one.
But when he has an automatic/human instinct to switch it up and show her love instead of sex, he learned that maybe she doesn’t want that soft side of him, she wants a soldier. Same with Madelyn, she doesn’t want good sex, she wants someone to control.
Everyone wants either this or that. Either a whiny guy to feel sorry for, or someone to fuck them good. He is a pattern in everyone’s heads. What I lean towards is that he will be different each time. We saw it many times, his emotions go from 0-100. If he was in a happy mood, trust me, he’d make it good and happy. Maybe even soft and full of praise if you initiated it. If he had a shit day he’d probably assume he doesn’t deserve any closeness now, or that vulnerability is a weapon. Boom. That’s when a good partner takes him out of the cage. You can be sad, and still be close AND not be used.
I think we won’t ever know cause no one ever opened that door to self discovery and allowed him to understand himself more. We also don’t know a lot about his relationship with Meave. You can’t find yourself when your inexperience is used as a weapon. That’s why I personally believe that he’d thrive with someone who’s on a similar journey. I’m not talking sexually, you can be confident or whatever, but it’s good for him to be with someone who’s also a walking contradiction, ideally someone who is very different from him.
And he never fought for it, did he? Like I said, sex has no importance for him. Sure he likes it with the right people, he only does it with the “right” people. But it’s not a spiritual experience, or emotional. It’s not something that he keeps sacred. It’s just something he did as he hopes it makes him be more loved by someone.
I think that if for once there was zero expectations, zero eyes on him, zero articles or influences coming from the ones who don’t give a fuck about him, he’d know. He’d fight, want to understand, be allowed to try things. That’s what I think would help him. Just trying things out.
He’s a little bit like a circus animal in this sense. A gentle tiger who lets the maestro play him like they want to. But then for just a second the instinct comes back and he bites. And then stays polite for few more hours only to bite again and again. And it doesn’t leave him with freedom, respect or satisfaction. Only more confusion. Why did I bite? Why didn’t they react how I wanted them to? Why does any idea from my side go unnoticed or dismissed, unless it suits them? Am I even a tiger?
One sentence answer? The canon is about him being sexually confused and frustrated, therefore following fixed patterns he was bombarded with or learned from clumsy research because no one ever was patient enough to let him try and discover himself.
There’s no protocol for that, not an existing movie that he can follow and be successful
