"Yaeger, where have you been?"
Is probably something some of you are asking me. Well, a lot of things happened the past few days and I'd like to offer a bit of clarification on my absence and what the future (of myself and this account) holds
My mental health has been as bad as it never was with private issues and relationship issues and housing issues and academic issues really weighing me down. It got to the point where I started getting really severe panic attacks again that lasted from hours to literal days. It wasn't fun at all. I couldn't bring myself to create anything and I've spent my time at home playing video games (mainly KCD2) for the most part.
I was crying pretty much every day and isolating myself from everyone for a while. My hypochondria also came back more intensely than ever before which also caused me to develop an eating disorder (orthorexia nervosa) where I was obsessing over eating as healthy as possible so I "won't die". Eventually it got so bad I couldn't sleep in my room by myself anymore. I told my family about how I'd been feeling and they sent me to a psychotherapist where I was prescribed anti-depressants that also sedate me a bit, so they helped with my anxiety too.
Ever since taking them (I started last week) I've already felt an increase in my wellbeing and a decrease in the anxiety that has been debilitating me for so long. I feel better now. I can actually sleep now. I don't worry about my health as much anymore. The main drawback is that I feel really out of it when I wake up in the mornings now but that's a price I'm more than willing to pay for my mental health.
I've also deinstalled pretty much every social media app except for Tumblr and YouTube and it's helped me a great amount especially regarding my hypochondria since now I don't get confronted with videos of illnesses I never even knew of anymore.
The DID thing is still there and I still struggle with it, especially with the amnesia and with different parts having different opinions (which also explained my relationship and interpersonal problems). I'll try to see a specialist for it as soon as I can. And since I'm actively in therapy now, my psychotherapist also suggested I admit myself into a mental health facility once my training is complete, which will be in the summer of next year. But we'll see, maybe I'll be able to manage well enough on my own with "just" therapy.
As for the future, I think I'll post less on social media because comparing myself to other artists and paying attention to my likes and follower numbers just hasn't been good for my self worth either. Besides I literally have drawn only one actual artwork in 3 months.
If you continue to stick around for my fan-art and rambles about AUs and such, I'd be very grateful, even if I'm not posting much right now. I'll remain on an indefinite hiatus for now and maybe eventually I'll feel good enough to post frequently again.
Thank you for reading this if you've made it down this far. It's a long post but I needed to get this off my chest eventually
