Tanner, about Than: He’s not my friend. He’s someone I like to antagonize all the time, and one time I talked to him about something real.
Matthew: That’s a friend, Tanner.
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@mpgisincorrectquotes
Tanner, about Than: He’s not my friend. He’s someone I like to antagonize all the time, and one time I talked to him about something real.
Matthew: That’s a friend, Tanner.
Tanner: What the fuck?
Than: You’ll have to be more specific, I do a lot of “What the fuck” kind of stuff.
Trisha: Okay, who asked for macaroni and bees?
Mackenzie: Uh… do you mean cheese?
Trisha, struggling to keep the bowl covered: Actually, that does make more sense.
Mikayla: You ready?
Shay: You bet!
Cameron: What’s going on?
Shay: Mikayla's teaching me how to play chess.
Mikayla: And in return, she’s teaching me to trash-talk.
Mikayla: Speaking of which, the hospital called. Your results came back - you’re a stage 5 dumbass.
Shay: You’ve come so far.
Than: If the opposite of “pro” is “con”…
Blaine: and the opposite of progress is congress…
Than: then the opposite of constitution is-
Tanner: I’m gonna stop you both right there.
Trisha: If there’s going to be a big, dramatic scene, wait until I get back
Trisha 2: Of course. I can’t flip this table by myself
Mackenzie: Jenna, I know all about your diabolical plan.
Jenna Darabond: What diabolical plan?
Mackenzie: [holds up a paper that says "My Diabolical Plan by Jenna"]
Tanner: [Filling out hospital forms] What’s your middle name?
Than: [Concussed] Danger.
Shay: I never said I was perfect. I showed it through my actions.
Mackenzie: What actions did you do?
Shay: Perfect ones. They were incredible.
Random Woman: You! You ruined my marriage!
Cameron: I’ve ruined a lot of people’s marriages, be more specific.
Mackenzie: Shay will come up with a plan
Trisha: Well, that's good, isn't it?
Mackenzie: It's possible you're not recalling some of her previous plans
Mrs. Van Buren: [to Cameron] Like a fine wine, we get better with age...or rather, we feel better about our age with lots of wine.
Brittnay: You promised not to fuck me!
Mackenzie: Hitler promised not to invade Czechoslovakia, Brittnay. Welcome to the real world.
Amberlynn: You believe me?
Mackenzie: Amberlynn, you’re the last good person on this planet. I‘d believe cartoon birds braided your hair this morning.
Trisha: Mackenzie, why are you making that face? Is the coffee bad or something?
Mackenzie: Shay put salt in my coffee because we're fighting, but I’m going to continue to drink it because I’m petty and I refuse to let her win.
Rachel: Bridget told me I looked tired, and when I said I hadn't looked in a mirror yet today she said she 'wouldn't recommend it.'
Trisha: I’ll have a pizza without strawberries, please.
Bridget: Strawberries?
Trisha: No thanks.
Bridget: Pizza doesn't come with strawberries.
Trisha: Then what’s the problem?