So this is something I’ve learned only recently but boosted the speed of my recovery:
When the voices in your head start criticizing, shaming, blaming and terrifying you, you’re supposed to fight back. And I mean Fight. Back. Viciously. Come for their intelligence, come for their sense of reality, come for their competence, ask them to show you sources and proof, insult them back, physically beat them back with a wrecking ball in your head, expose them for lying and go ballistic at them for constantly sabotaging your life with indecent lies.
You’re compelled to listen ‘just in case’ or because ‘you deserve this’ but know this: These voices are almost identical in every abuse survivor’s head.
We all hear how we should be ashamed of ourselves for existing, how we’re guilty and deserving of abuse, or how we’re stupid incompentent waste of space, or how everything is a clue that we’re going to end up alone, abandoned, homeless and dying on the street. And it’s never true for any of us. These scenarios repeat in our heads despite us never being less worthy of happiness, peace or security.
Also note that the voices are talking shit about things they DON’T and CAN’T KNOW. If they’re talking about how everyone is judging and hating you, how could they possibly know that, are they claiming to read minds? If they’re criticizing your every move and tearing you down, they’re trying to cause you to freeze and never be able to feel good doing anything, WHY? If they’re constantly threatening you with catastrophic scenarios, they want to keep you terrified, not safe! And they don’t know if any of it is true! Literally making shit up and relying on the hope that you will never fact-check their shit and be drowned in too much pain and shame and fear to process what just happened to you. Much like what abusers do!
Tell the voices you will refuse to doubt yourself any longer. Tell them you refuse to spiral into shame for who you are. Tell them you’ve had enough of lies. Tell them they have no place criticizing whatever the hell you’re doing, seeing that the voices do nothing but bully; nobodies are not allowed an opinion about you. Tell them how fucking dumb it is to pretend to be omniscient and predict the worst scenarios. They’ve been wrong every single time.
And once you learn to fight them, you’ll do so instinctively, you will shut them up at their very thought of opening their ugly mouths, and your self worth will restore to surface.