Sade Olutola
ellievsbear
official daine visual archive
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RMH
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PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
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🩵 avery cochrane 🩵
tumblr dot com
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@theartofmadeline
Xuebing Du
Jar Jar Binks Fan Club
we're not kids anymore.
YOU ARE THE REASON
Misplaced Lens Cap
roma★
bliss lane
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@mrbearfag
about me
the name's Bear, 27, he/him, homosexual, trans man. autistic, osdd system, cat dad, mental health professional. i've been on T for 7 years, top surgery soon (hopefully).
No specific DNI (except minors, +18 only), i'm in a loving relationship with the block button.
youre not nothingburger in fact you are everything bagel
the problem is i really do love staying up until one billion o'clock. it just cant be helped
The binturong of weariness
Sketching some bears from the bear cam! 🐻🐟
To start out I’m going to say that literally anyone in the trans community can be guilty of this: when you see your personal dysphoria overriding your actual morals and political positions you need to step back, breathe, and reevaluate. Your discomfort does not mean you’re unsafe or that you have the right to lash out at the people around you.
If you believe you are experiencing “secondhand dysphoria” because you personally would be embarrassed to look the way someone else looks or to act the way someone else acts you just need to leave the room. Telling someone that you would be miserable if you were them is flat out hateful and it doesn’t matter what feelings you’re going through, it’s unacceptable to talk to other human beings that way.
If you see a depiction of a uterus or vulva and your first reaction is revulsion and anger you need to keep that to yourself and work through those feelings mentally or in private with someone you trust. Dysphoria over having or not having these organs is difficult but falling into the misogynistic hatred of the bodies of around 50 percent of the population isn’t productive. Again, bigotry doesn’t become ok just because you’re having big feelings.
If you find yourself being resentful of other people, cis or trans, for being gender nonconforming that is something you need to figure out. You can try to come up with a million reasons why you’re right and everyone else is an evil fake trans bigot or you can just accept that your experience of the world is nowhere near universal and actually practice acceptance.
oh you love me?? name 3 meds that didn't work for me
Hey
So this is not an example I know personally.
Huge trigger warning for domestic violence and murder.
But it’s a case of intimate partner murder in Norway where a trans woman murdered her trans husband who was trying to leave her. While his mom watched.
The coverage in English is a bit limited.
I speak Norwegian and can translate anything you want about it.
. I’ll be describing some of the case below. We only have the name of the victim, Oliver, not the perpetrator.
Here’s a link to Norwegian media https://www.nrk.no/vestfoldogtelemark/domt-til-forvaring-for-drapet-pa-oliver-_22_-1.16956671
Basically. There relationship was abusive and turbulent very early. They married the same week as the murder happened. And the court says the relationship was abusive really on and that Oliver was under strong psychological control.
There was violence early in the relationship, the police had already been called twice. Where the perpetrator had knocked Oliver’s head into the floor and tried to choke him.
They then went to the ER and Oliver decided to go to his mom.
Oliver wanted to get his things from their house. And when he went inside the perpetrator killed him with a baseball bat while his mother watched trough the window and couldn’t help in time .
Its an absolute harrowing case in many ways. Oliver was 22 years old.
He’s as far as I know the only known trans person to be murdered in Norway (Norway has a very low murder rate)
Yet I have not seen any organisations talk about him or seen him mentioned on trans day of rememrance or anything like that. That of course may just be that I haven’t seen it but I have tried to look.
Its always hard to know how cases like these could have played out and if the police and others who were supposed to help would have reacted quicker if he or the perpetrator were in a different position
this is so harrowing to read, thank you for bringing this case to my attention and providing the translation and link.
first off, rest in peace, Oliver. 22 years old is so painfully young, and to have his life taken in such a violent, controlling way while trying to escape an abusive situation is horrific. my heart goes out to everyone who loved him.
and you hit the nail on the head regarding why cases like Oliver's get completely erased from community memory or TDoR lists. when a trans person is murdered by an intimate partner, especially when the victim is TME and the perpetrator is TMA, the institutional response and community optics machine immediately kicks in to bury it. community organizations will scrub or ignore cases that don't fit the neat narrative of "trans people are only ever victims of external cis violence." acknowledging Oliver's murder would force people to confront the reality of severe, fatal intra-community domestic violence, and so they choose to erase a victim's memory just to protect community optics.
it is devastating and deeply unjust that Oliver was failed both in life by police and systems that didn't intervene fast enough, and in death by community spaces that refuse to speak his name because his abuser's identity makes them uncomfortable.
thank you again for sharing his story and helping make sure he isn't completely forgotten. Oliver deserved safety, freedom, and to live a long life.
at some point you're going to have to realise that going "only the in group can talk about the fucked up shit we're doing" is very transparently "group trying to hide evidence of abuse from public scrutiny" of you. it's very FLDS of you. very Mormon. very Scientologist. it's also the sort of thing that gets you people that very much hate you and people like you as the only ones who get public attention for speaking out against you, because when you silence people approaching things with compassion, the only people you're left with are the ones that want to watch you burn.
every time you see someone saying not to talk about an issue your group is facing because "what if people that hate us see it" it is a sign that you should be louder. being committed solely to optics at the cost of victims of abuse is something that happens in quite literally every group and movement because victims (whom are majority women and therefore seen as disposable) are not seen as important and addressing abusers' wrongdoings is seen as a great risk to The Cause. and you wouldn't want The Cause to fail and the people who hate you to win, would you? (for a recently exposed and relevant example of this, see Cesar Chavez)
personally my commitment to protecting those like me involves not hiding behind "the wrong person is doing the looking!!!" as a defense against things, which means that when bad actors try to accuse me and communities I am in of ignoring issues and silencing victims, I have a history and evidence and solid counterpoints.. but that's just me. thankfully my lack of the terrible guilt from sin means that I can post whatever I want without worry 😆👍
always some new bullshit in the ocean
@eddieintheocean
i looked at the paper this article cites and yeah, it might be for fun, but it also might be them making it easier for juvenilles to feed!
We propose that this ‘ram-to-fragment’ behavior may have multiple functions, including facilitating foraging for juvenile orcas or reflecting play behavior. The observed coordination between adults suggests a high degree of cooperative precision and could represent roles in prey processing, social interaction and learning.
(just from the abstract - x)
DID MY YAOI STICKERS ARRIVE
it was my bachelor’s degree 😑
"if men could get pregnant-" they can. "if men got periods-" they do. "men never experience-" they do. "men would never understand-" i promise you whatever you are about to say there are men who go through the exact same thing
dead wife flashback whenever a random nicki minaj lyric pops into my head
no weapons against me shall prosper
UNPOPULAR OPINION: A lot of "mental health issues" disappear when bills are paid, rent is secure, and the fridge is full. Peace is expensive. And pretending money doesn't affect mental health is privilege.
