I wonder if something could be said about Ashley's apparent penchant for drawing.
Leyley used to draw a lot. This, in itself, is nothing special: many kids draw as a hobby. The most noteworthy thing is that Leyley loved to draw so much, she'd do it on the walls, which Andy had to clean...
... and on Andy's notes, which made it difficult for him to study.
I don't need to say that this is just one of the many ways Leyley begged for attention and approval, which most surely had the opposite effect.
However, what made me pause a bit are three completely separate scenes.
This is in the very opening of the game:
We don't see Ashley drawing as an adult, but she doesn't seem to be very confident in herself. Then again, at this point in the game, it could be just goodhearted self-deprecation. It does say something, however, that she's still clinging onto that drawing, both because it's so old and not good-looking, and what it represents.
This is after Ashley, as a teen, has a meltdown over Andrew "seeing Julia":
Andrew is being mean, but to be fair to him, he's also angry and interprets the torn drawing as a way to make him feel bad, so I'll let it pass. The artstyle is so crude, I assume this is another old drawing: the lemon muffin is a reference to a way Andy celebrated Leyley's birthday when they were kids, so it's possible she drew it back then. And then kept it for years, before destroying it in a fit of heartbroken rage. It's how she conveyed her love for her brother, and it was that important to her, that apparently, she still had it in grabbing and tearing vicinity. Her hate for Nina is as important as her love for Andrew.
(the other option is, of course, that it's a much more recent drawing, and yes, this is a pretty abysmal way of drawing for a teen who apparently has been doing so for years. I still wouldn't call it garbage though, Andrew, she meant well :<)
Not much after that scene, Andrew also tells us this:
Whether Ashley still draws in her teen years or has stopped, at least we know it's more important to her than her homework, and enough for Andrew to comment on it.
And this is an offhand comment Renee makes to her mother while pretending she doesn't regret her life choices and children.
This is how Renee chooses to paint Ashley in a good light: by praising her art. Which is a lie, of course, because even back then she wasn't exactly Leonardo Da Vinci, but hey, grandma doesn't need to know about that. Worthy of note is that, despite doing everything in her power to interact with her daughter as little as possible, she did notice how much Leyley likes to draw (although afawk it could be because she once saw her drawing on the walls, so it's even more of a backhanded compliment).
So I suppose Leyley's cry for attention did work, in part.
It's a running gag that Ashley is a pretty bad artist. More than once, people point out she struggles to draw circles.
Speaking of attention seeking behavior, and how Renee keeps denying it.
So, what do I take from this?
That Ashley had a predisposition for drawing, clearly enjoying it regardless of her talent, and partially did so as a way to yell "look at me! I'm a person too! I have feelings, here they are!" at the world; but that predisposition was never nurtured, neglected as she was. Her art was ugly at best, a bother at worst. So she never developed her artistic skills, stagnated, and now she's a "bad" artist, which she resents. It's quite a shame, because of all the ways you could vent your feelings, art is by far the healthiest. Perhaps she would have been less destructive.
Naturally, this is part of one of the game's key themes: Ashley never grew up. She wasn't given the tools to, and now, she doesn't even want to. So she never developed past the "Leyley" phase of her life, still drawing in a childish way, still "playing" with her bunny plushies in her mind, still clinging onto her child self when Andrew wants nothing more than to grow up (or so he says). Much like her art, she too was seen mostly as an embarrassment, and so never improved. But every scrap of attention Andrew gives her? Means the world to her. And that's why she keeps going.
Lastly: every ending of the game comes with a crude crayon drawing.
It makes me believe that Ashley's art, ugly and childish as it is, is an important part of her, and her perception of the world.
Andrew: *Standing up.* How dare you? How dare you accuse me of drinkingeninge!? Me! Your brother and lover! Ol' Andy, Ol' Hussie loving, traitorous, one for the road, back pedalling fuck of a brother! *Stumbles around, knocking things over and rambling.* Me!? Drinkeninge?! Why, I'll tear you limb from limb! *Stumbles backwards onto the floor, knocking down the curtains in the process.*
Ashley: ... No, but you have, though, haven't you?
First off I really like how souls work in tcoaal. Before episode 3 there was the assumption that the darker the soul the more evil you are, that it was objective. But no! Morality is subjective! There's no single definition for what makes a good or bad person! Sure there's some moral obligations and lines to not cross that we generally agree on, (like, say, blackmail, death threats and harassment, desecrating corpses, slaughtering, sacrificing to demons, killings your parents, killing a child/children, smooching your sibling on the mouth, attempting to kill your sibling, cannibalism-) but there's no one set of morals that is objective and correct. It is up to each person to have their own set of morals to follow. By making it so that only the individual's morality affects their soul it's not a simple indicator of how objectively evil they are, and is instead another avenue to study a character and how they view themselves.
That being said since learning that a soul's purity is affected by one's own sense of morals I think some have taken that to mean it's also affected by one's self-esteem, meaning that Ashley is a Tar Soul because she thinks she's evil AND she hates herself. And while it's true her self-loathing could relate to seeing herself as evil, I think self-hatred is more of a byproduct than a cause. Self-hatred can be a symptom of seeing oneself as evil, but it's not a guarantee. Seeing yourself as evil doesn't always mean hating yourself.
An example of this is Surgeon, the other potential Tar Soul. As shown in the vision at the bar the man is shamelessly evil, unafraid to admit his interest in surgery is neither about monetary gain nor for the general good of mankind, but entirely for his own gratification. And while we don't see much of him what we do see is a man who isn't seeped in self-hatred for his evil nature. He's perfectly content being a rotten bastard and I almost respect him for it.
So instead of focusing on the self-esteem aspect, let's focus on exactly how one's morality affects the soul. Here's my interpretation of things:
Morality is about fitting a standard of acceptable behavior. It's the idea the you have to do A, B and C to be a good person and avoid doing D, E and F to not be a bad person. Moral standards are often set or learned systemically, but in regards to souls the only morals that matter are the ones set for yourself. My argument is that in order for a soul to become tainted, the person has to break or fail their own moral standards. It's not simply about how evil you think you are, it's about the downward slop of how many of your own morals you have left to maintain.
Untainted Souls
Let's start with the untainted soul we feed the yarn ball. It was one of the wardens that guarded the siblings' apartment under the guise of "quarantine." We know the warden was aware residents were being starved and not only didn't do anything for them, but actively prevented them from getting help. All the while playing favorites because one of the residents was hot. How can this man think he's morally just? How is he untainted?
It might be because his standards of morality are conveniently set in a way where he doesn't have to be bothered by what he does. After all he's not the one in charge. He's just doing a job. Following orders. And it's not like he's killing the residents directly. They'll die in their apartments anyway! And besides if he doesn't work here someone else will. Hey at least he's not kicking dogs! And so on and so on.
This is how people who do objectively rotten things justify themselves. "I didn't start it, I'm just doing my job, it would've happened even if I wasn't there." Morality here is not about being a good person, it is just something to be shaped and twisted in a convenient manner so that you can continue doing horrible things and still sleep at night.
So for a soul to remain untainted the person has to
Have a set of morals.
Be able to follow that set of morals.
Grime Souls
But not everyone has the capability of shaping their morals so conveniently. Some people never grow out of the morals disciplined into them as kids by the adults in their life. And then told they're always failing to meet up to those morals. Over and over again, until it's ingrained in their mind that they're a failure. A disappointment.
That's where our primary Grime Soul stood at in the flashback start of Decay. The one moral he was taught by his mom was to take care of his sister.
No wait, "take care" is too generous. "Pacify" is the more appropriate word here. Renee wanted her son to pacify her daughter so she'd never have to hear her, see her, think about her or be around her in any capacity. Feed her so she shuts up. Play with her so she doesn't break stuff. Keep an eye on her so she doesn't run off and cause trouble. Just don't let her embarrass Mom. She didn't just parentify her son, she wanted him to be her daughter's handler.
But of course Andy couldn't do that. He was a kid himself! He was still under the bold assumption that he could have a life of his own that wasn't watching over Leyley like she's an untrained dog. So he'd be distracted by such frivolities as "homework" and "studying." Not to mention the constant household chores he was made to do. So he was always one step behind. Look, Leyley threw a tantrum because he didn't keep an eye on her, what a bad brother!
All this to say that the reason little Andy became a Grime Soul was because he failed to fit the moral standard ingrained in him by his mom. If being an Untainted Soul means believing they follow their morals, a Grime Soul means believing they are failing to follow said morals. And what's ironic is that if his dad put any effort in his kids' lives he probably would have been able to share a similar experience disappointing his own family.
It wouldn't be a stretch to suggest that Douglas's dad was always putting him down and making him feel worthless since childhood. Douglas might've always felt like a failure in his house. Then he meets Renee, and his soul is literally purified around her. Because unlike with her son Renee always puts Douglas's wellbeing first and encouraging him.
When Douglas is alone, his morals are affected by his father's expectations that he could never meet.
But when Renee's with him, his morals are shaped by her view of him. And if Renee follows any moral, it's that Douglas will always be a good man no matter what he does or doesn't do. It'd almost be sweet if Renee wasn't doing the polar opposite with her son.
So be a Grime Soul a person
Has a set of morals
Fail to follow those morals
Later Andy began naturally prioritizing Leyley without pressure from his mom. In fact he only started caring about Leyley. So if he stopped caring about meeting his mom's expectations, then that means he can start seeing himself as an alright person right-?
oh
...
Tar Souls To-Be
Well let's save Andrew's downward spiral for another post and move onto tar souls to-be like Renee. As we see in the time capsule, Renee already thought she had a pitch-black heart as a teen.
This is going into speculation, but my theory is that a tar soul to-be is someone who has not only failed the morals they believe, but have begun breaking those morals. I don't mean to say a belief in morals implies that a person agrees with them or wants to follow them. Just that they believe that those morals are what makes a good or bad person. I don't think Renee gives a shit about being a good person. She's aware there's morals she's supposed to follow and in lieu of failing them denies them.
I think the biggest moral she's aware of yet refuses to follow is "care about others." She doesn't care about anyone except herself and Douglas. She was born the same way as Andrew, someone who never liked anyone. That's why meeting Douglas was so impactful. And that might be why she never hatched. Because for as rotten a person she is she at least has one person who sees the good in her.
Too bad Leyley didn't have anyone who saw the good in her. Not the mom and dad who ignore her most days, not the brother forced to take care of her, and especially not herself. If there was one moral she learned, it was this; "Leyley is always bad." Leyley would be bad no matter what. So instead of passively failing morality Leyley actively broke rules. Any moral she was taught by her teachers and brother she refused, because if she's a bad thing anyway what does it matter? If she followed morality, if she behaved like a good little family pet, the best she could hope for is be ignored. She learned from an early age the only way to get attention is to break things, and that attention was more important to her than whatever moral integrity she had left.
Tar Soul
What's really interesting about Ashley is that she wasn't always a Tar Soul. Lord Unknown noted that the little lady hatched into one sometime between before killing Nina and after entering high school, but we don't have a clear evidence of when this hatching happened. For now there's two onscreen possibilities. One when the siblings realized Nina was dead, and when Leyley broke the blood oath.
Gosh which one affected her more do you think...? To be fair I think Ashley's more affected by Nina's death than she realizes, but as far as morality goes her death just confirmed what Leyley already believed: Leyley is bad. Her killing someone and cursing a teacher out are all on the same level of "bad" to her so its whatever.
But that oath? That oath was meant to ensure Andy stays. It was the first time Andy honestly said she had a permanent place in his heart, moldy and rotten as it is, so long as she promised to keep quiet. It was the first and only rule she learned was important. She wasn't scared of the consequences, but she wanted the assurance. Leyley was bad, but she had one moral to keep.
But she couldn't even keep that. Her need for attention ingrained in her overcame that one secret she was supposed to keep. She's broken many promises before, but those didn't matter. She broke those on purpose because they weren't important to her. This one mattered, because it was for her and Andy to stay together. And she broke it without even thinking.
Leyley was not just bad. Leyley was evil.
To hatch into a Tar Soul a person has to break all of their morals completely. Alternatively to hatch into a Tar Soul a person has to break their most important moral, one that can't be recovered. Either way once a soul's hatched the person believes they are fundamentally, irrevocably, and irredeemably evil, and it would take A LOT to change that.
A side affect of this could be self-hatred, but as stated at the beginning I don't think its a guarantee. In fact I don't think Ashley hates herself because she's a bad person, but because she's never feels like she's enough to keep Andrew. She's not pretty enough, she's not smart enough, her brother cares more about appearances, no one likes her. She believes she's unlovable in part because she's evil, but she hates herself because of feeling unlovable and not the evil part...am I making sense? I'm not sure I'm making sense.
Anyways what being a Tar Soul means to present Ashley is that she has no morals. None. She's already broken the one rule that mattered, and there's no going back. She can't be redeemed, nor does she wish for it. She's let go of all morality willingly now. And because of this she's capable of anything. Anything. There's not a question of whether it's right or wrong, whether she should do this or should not do that. It's entirely about what she wants to do or what she needs to do.
This is evident from the very first episode. When witnessing the neighbor's "death" her first thought was "I don't want to be stuck listening to the neighbor's music until I die." Then when seeing the body up close her next thought was "I'm hungry." The only moral justifications she gives are for Andrew's sake. She didn't need any to start chopping, and none to stop her. All that mattered was that she and Andrew were starving, and the body was full of meat.
It's how she's completely fine with having sex the way she did in Shots. (Yes, I know. I know what it is she did, and I don't think it's necessary to say it.) What morals were there to stop her? Taboos? Consent? Even wanting it? Meaningless! She doesn't care about society or appearances, she knew Andrew wanted her that way (though she doesn't know why) she knows Andrew's capable of killing/leaving her (which in her mind might as well be the same thing) and the only thing she could think of to stop him from finishing her off after beating her was oat cookies. This was about survival. The body was full of meat, and they were starving.
Mind you this also goes the other way around, especially with Andrew. For all her complaining and whining about how she's treated, she never once argues she doesn't deserve it, nor that it's somehow morally wrong. Part of this could be low self-esteem issues, that in some ways she thinks she deserves all that's coming to her, but I think it also goes along with how she sees morality; it's never about what's right or wrong, but what she does or doesn't want to happen.
It didn't upset her that she was hit because it was wrong to hit people. What upset her was that it proved he'd never be Andy, who'd never do such a thing. Afterwards she even joked about it like it was nothing, only really reflecting on it in Cliffhanger.
It wasn't wrong of Andrew to try to kill her. Even as she was being chased down she never argued why it'd be wrong to kill, just that he shouldn't want to kill her. What really hurt was that by trying to kill her it proved to her he wanted her gone from his life. What she thought kept Andrew stuck with her, the trinket, has been proved to not matter to him
It wasn't even wrong of Andrew to beat her black and blue. It just hurts. She didn't even think to say it'd be wrong to kill her, only that she could make oat cookies. And again, she makes light of it afterwards.
And clearly Ashley doesn't see anything wrong with how Andrew wants her, so long as its wanting her in some way, so long she can use it as a means to keep him. His consent doesn't matter, and neither does hers. He can do what he wants, no matter how deplorable, so long as he stays with her.
Bottom line is as a Tar Soul Ashley will neither use morality to justify or rationalize her actions, nor will she use morality to argue against how she's treated.
And as a final point, I think she wants Andrew to disregard morality this way too. Not just to further tie them together, but because of what she said to him back when they were teens. They don't really matter, so they should be able to do whatever they want.
tl:dr what effects the souls is the morals they set/learned and how they react to them. Untainted souls remain untainted so as they follow their morals, Grime souls become grime when they fail to follow their morals, Tar souls to-be break their morals, and when all morals are broken or one particular moral is broken a soul hatched into a Tar soul.
Next big post is going to be a continuation of this one that'll discuss Andrew's soul situation in more detail, since...hoo boy. It's a lot.
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