Prolific Spin

Delivered with a firm handshake and a frothy drink

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Modern Brothers Grimm: Said Rapunzel, "I can't! I'm trying a new pixie cut." The End. 

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Owning a white suit - Pros: Beach wedding readiness. Cons: Fear of pomodoro sauce, Labour Day, and knife fights. Conclusion: Not practical. Did not buy.

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A hundred years later, Modigliani finally sells out.

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Arthur C. Clarke on Netflix recommendation AI: "Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from monkeys randomly picking shit."

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Local grocery store using pricing tactics of Amazon Cyber Monday.

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The guys would shout things like "Ride till you die!" but only Doreen quietly followed through on it.

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Unknown Oscar Fact: In the prequel to Arrival, linguist Louise Banks spends three hours of her vacation balancing rocks.

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"Not all those who wander are lost." -- Wilson's brother, Adidas.

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Jack’s man logic flared up at odd times, often in checkout lines. “My wife is a protectionist. Valentine’s Day cards are the outsourcing of the expression of love through words written by a nameless, faceless third party. Therefore my wife hates Valentine’s Day cards. I will not buy.” He took her tight-lipped silence as agreement.

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Turns out that I hold socks to a higher standard than imported frozen dumplings.

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A love poem: Luke constantly strolled by her cubicle with this book tucked in hand Hoping by association Laura would see him as a Fantastic... Replacement for her jerk boyfriend Llamaface who didn't even notice her new frames or know that her favourite afternoon snack was a citron macaron (and worse, pronounced it "macaroon" like a philistine who'd never been to Ladurée).  FIN

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Global coffee demand is at an all-time high thanks to record consumption in the USA, with 4 out of 5 Americans drinking coffee. The other 1 out of 5 refuse to associate with anything foreign or black.

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Park officials in Tennessee killed the wrong bear after an attack on a hiker. Said a park spokesperson, "We struck with the precision of a US drone strike in Pakistan."

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The financial district is filled with life-affirming platitudes.

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Versace Armourer: Zayn, you sure you don’t want the matching protective chest plate?

Zayn: No. My heart is already dead.

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A Florida woman was arrested for shooting her husband in the knee after an argument over his affair. She was aiming for the tip.

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A study has found that storks in Europe no longer migrate to Africa for the winter, staying in Spain and Portugal to feast on junk food in landfills. Similar behaviour has also been noted over the summer months in college students.