i hope you're happy

lily; you could pour soup in my lap and i'll probably apologise to you

[brolokhov]

what is art? is it something gay people do to get back at their fathers? maybe

[indiemovies]

John Mulaney & Nick Kroll Answer the Web’s Most Searched Questions

[switchbladesounds-deactivated20]

Jay Pharaoh’s John Mulaney impression

[butchmachine]

Holy shit

[thetaxidermy-ofyouandme]

That wasn’t an impression John Mulaney possessed him

[spencereid]

Florida is the Costco of upsetting people.

[ngalitzine]

The weirdest thing when I was a kid was how much they scared us about smoking weed. They scared us about it constantly. And I’ve been on tour this year… Marijuana is legal in 18 or 19 states in one form or another.

[spencereid]

Florida is the Costco of upsetting people.

[mulaneyysfdgdhsgfdh]

john mulaney is an honorary gay 

[ngalitzine]

“She said, ”You can make fun of me, just don’t say that I’m a bitch and that you don’t like me.” I was like “WHOA, THE BAR IS SO MUCH LOWER THAN I EVER IMAGINED, THAT’S IT?!” Also, I wouldn’t say that! What kind of show would that even be?!”

[johnmulaneys]

[vloggernation]

Bo Burnham: I hope you’re happy.

[avengerassemble]

[nopleaseames]

[frengles]

Little Bo Things ✿ Clumsiness ↪ “It’s like watching a baby giraffe trying to masturbate; I’m not coordinated.”

[plentyblush-archive]

Bo Burnham digital sketches!

[cinegasmic]

the reality of this tho 

[mulaneyysfdgdhsgfdh]

the signs as quotes from "the comeback kid"

aries: eat ass, suck a dick, and sell drugs

taurus: here's an on fire garbage can... could be a nursery

gemini: "you have the moral backbone of a chocolate eclair," you know, how you talk to a child

cancer: marijuana is legal in 18 or 19 states. it's insane. don't whoo if you're white. it's always been legal for us, come on sir

leo: i know you told me, but i have had a very long day, i am very small, and i have no money, so you can imagine the stress im under

virgo: "oh we have to go!! we have to go see bill!" and without looking up at her my dad goes, "why? it's not like he's gonna remember you."

libra: so my dad pulled up to the drive thru window and ordered a black coffee. the one thing no kid can every enjoy

scorpio: anyone who's seen my dick and met my parents needs to die

sagittarius: bill clinton turns, looks at my mom and says, "hey ellen!" cause he never forgets a bitch ever

capricorn: we bought a house that was built in the 20s but it was flipped in 2014, which means it's haunted but it has a lovely kitchen backsplash

aquarius: we were at lion king on broadway and there was a five year old behind us going, "look it's pumbaa! look its timon!" and my dad turned around and said, "are you going to talk the entire time?"

pisces: some people give off a vibe of.. right away, and they're like, "do not fuck with me." my vibe is more like, "hey, you could pour soup in my lap and i'll probably apologize to you!"

[youdontgetmy-sarcasm]

We have tendency to define ourselves in opposition to stuff. But try to also express your passion for things you love. Be demonstrative and generous in your praise of those you admire. Send thank-you cards and give standing ovations. Be pro-stuff, not just anti-stuff.

Tim Minchin (x)