Thinking about Hotch and how my brain has chosen to smoosh him to fit what I want from his character
Thinking abt how Hotch grew up in a horribly violent home that he did everything in his power to protect his little brother from because Hotch is so incredibly on the side of ‘no one deserves to feel this’ as opposed to ‘I want others to feel how I feel’
Autistic Hotch who hid everything in him as best he could because his home did not treat his differences and needs kindly, who was still considered ‘not quite right’ by those who interacted with him but wouldn’t be diagnosed and able to understand the disconnect he experienced with most people until he was almost 40
Hotch who was always a little lanky and resented how he only really gained weight and muscle well after his father died because he’d been counting down the days until he could fight back from the time he was like 13 but never had the physical strength to
Hotch not knowing how to deal with the myriad of ways this home has effected him and picking up smoking and drinking as a way to make everything feel less
Hotch meeting Haley and knowing he wanted to feel everything if it meant truly experiencing the way she made him feel
Hotch who hated his father and couldn’t understand why he was so devastated by his death. He has two main theories, and the answer is likely a combination of both and some things he hasn’t thought of. 1, that there was a million things he wanted to do and say to him to get some kind of closure after the torture he endured and never got the chance, and 2, that’s one of the biggest changes he’s ever experienced, and he sometimes just needs time to adjust
Hotch smoking on and off since meeting Haley, but after hearing Haley suggest they have kids some day, completely stopping because he would never want to leave Haley and a son behind because he got lung cancer like his father did
Hotchley who love each other to the ends of the Earth and tell each other everything and do their best to show the other the insane amount of love and trust they have for each other
Hotchley who are inseparable and take care of each other and are sweet to each other and always know how to make the other feel safe
Hotch who is completely terrified to have kids because he doesn’t feel like he is good enough to be trusted with a human life but also can’t think of any other life he would rather have with Haley than loving her and raising a kid together
Hotch who grew to have the body type of a brick wall, over six foot and all broad shoulders and stockiness, and is terrified of hurting people and always treats himself as dangerous when he’s in distress because on one or two occasions, his unintended strength has proven to more than anyone expects from Hotch, the gentle giant
Hotch who was nervous about holding Jack because he was so worried he was going to hurt him somehow
Hotch who has autism and obsessive compulsive tendencies and can be debilitatingly paranoid and has only slept well a handful of nights throughout his entire life and thinks he’s a failure at anything other than working and takes years to get therapy for any of this and is so fucking tired and the list goes on
Hotch who learns to take care of Jack after Haley’s death and thinks he’s doing everything wrong but is actually an amazing father
Hotch who finally gets help for how horrible his mental health is and realizes for the first time that there are ways of living that don’t involve him being miserable most of the time
Hotch after Witsec who drives a blue pickup truck to his job as a high school teacher every day and who can’t wait to have Jack in class because his favorite thing is spending time with his son
Hotch who still feels the need to help people, and can find that in teaching kids and looking out for them
Hotch figures out a lifestyle that works for him and a set of medications to help him manage everything better. He develops a special interest in escape rooms to fill his need for problems to solve, and he’s truly content for one of the first times in his life
I’m going to stop at these, but I could literally go on all day





















