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occasionally subtle
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@mychemicaljacketslut
ra ra rasputin is objectively the funniest song ever written it's like "rasputin was an advisor to the romanovs and honestly he was a bit of a power-hungry conman (oof)... but you're not here for a history lesson! you want to know how much he fucked, don't you? well i'll tell you: he fucked. he fucked often and severely."
and it's a banger
when you're finally free to say the joke you've told 30,000 times but with the full punchline this time:
💕💕💕
phan is real, destiel is canon, johnlock are parents, the doctor is gay and mcr are back. you have reached the end point of tumblr thank you for participating and good night
dnp should win an award for most emotionally complex podcast announcement ever
a man who would go back into the closet for 15 years for you without even blinking, without even thinking there’s anything to forgive you for, fully believing all that patience and time and space and agony was completely worth it because he loves you that much and is that devoted to you. a horrible liar who spends 15 years lying because you aren’t ready to tell the truth yet. you might think that this man doesn’t exist but he does. and his name is phil lester
i'm not an updates blog sorry i don't mean to steal anyone's job but the liked comments were too good on this one
So like... now what? Does Tumblr get deleted now? We beat the final boss [phan hard launch]
my best tip for anyone trying to get back into reading is to remember that you can read books to avoid other responsibilities in ur life and it can become a vice if you play your cards right
All these development about the Luigi and Briana conundrum made me remember this tweet and it applies to the current situation so much
The people are finally asking why the fuck the orphan crushing machine exists
shoutout to the woman from my high school martial arts class who liked to get me in joint locks and then joke about how I was easy to catch. you cannot comprehend how psychosexually formative that was for me
imagine, if you will, having an adolescent half-crush on someone way older than you, which is also confusingly blurred up with admiration of them as a role model. now imagine that you and that person are in a social environment where it is acceptable to (platonically, consensually) choke someone. I think I was very normal about it considering the circumstances
she would demonstrate takedowns on her husband (also in the class, and who was not a small man) before we got to try them and the first time I saw her twist him around and down onto the floor like it was easy my entire abdomen clenched
I cannot stress enough how eager this guy was to be manhandled (womanhandled?) and flipped around by his wife. he was her de facto guinea pig whenever she got to teach and I never saw him unenthusiastic about it. he'd set himself up for a joint lock fully smiling. the other adults in the class occasionally teased him about it (being so quick to let your wife put you in a submission hold tends to raise a few eyebrows), and I always kind of wanted to defend him but what would I have said? like, don't worry. I won't judge you. I also like being pinned down by your wife
That last sentance really hits ya like a psychosexually formative takedown
"And you, SUH! Are you waiting to receive my LIMP PENIS!?"
for those who don't know, he was completely innocent. they misidentified him as someone else they were looking for.
so all of this wasn't him trying to look innocent. this was him actually being innocent.
He was literally just having a succulent Chinese meal.
"tata, and farewell"
I genuinely wasn't expecting the intonations this guy uses. It's like he's on stage pretending to be english, while also fighting with police
stuck in the time loop but i just use it as a free day off. im not even trying to get out. i am teaching myself to knit. i am crocheting. i am cooking. not even doing anything crazy. just escaping capitalism for a week. day 375 and im not sure what lesson it's trying to teach but i've taught myself to handmake lace so all is well
I hope every health insurance exec dies from painful and preventable disease
it seems not everyone is as patient as I
here are some cross-sections of some undersea cables in case anyone wants to know why this is especially funny
and we know this happens regularly
i got these knockoff boots online and instead of the brand name on the tag they have the name of an apparently nonexistent martin scorsese movie??? what the fuck
THE ORIGINAL? ON MY DASH
Wait, this was the original! I thought it was the ticket post.
just got fired from my government job… apparently they can control the weather with space lasers now so they don’t need me to stand on a dark tower and chant in a big bellowing voice to summon clouds and winds of fear and frost
