Passive Agressive Christian
Story time! This happened to this year:
It was weeks before the 4th of July holiday weekend and I was really in the mood to get out of town, but not alone. My usual adventure buddy wasn’t into the idea, so what do I do? Resort to online dating sites…
At the time I was talking to a girl who was heavy on the flirting…as well as the drinking (reminder, I don’t drink). So she wouldn’t have been a good candidate to spend a weekend with. Granted, it could have been fun, but with so much liquid courage. She was busy anyway. I asked.
So, about 10 days before the holiday, I started talking to this other girl, thanks to OkStupid. She was cute in her ONE picture and kind of masculine, which if you knew my dating history, was nothing unusual for me. She gluten free, liked to lift weights and had a Christian upbringing, which I always find interesting with gay people. She also didn’t drink, except maybe for very special occasions. We talked for a few days before I told her my predicament about needing a buddy to get away for the weekend with. We agreed to meet up at least once before we booked anything, just to see if we could stand each other.
I had told her about my video game collection, which seemed to get her excited…as it does with most lesbians I talk to. Surprise surprise. So we decided to just hang out at my place and play video games.
Red flag #1:
She lived with her dad while she wasn’t in school (it was Summer break). What was confusing was that she had her own apartment, yet decided to spend her Summer with her dad, who she despised. Apparently he was loaded, so she probably got a lot of free things out of him? To me, that’s still not worth all the verbal abuse. Anyway, I guess her dad was also a micromanager that had to approve her whereabouts. Of course with the Christian upbringing, hanging out with lesbians was a no-no. So she had to think up a lie to tell him so that she could hang out with me.
Red flag #2:
When she got to my place, I realized she was kind of bigger than it seemed in her picture. Now, normally this doesn’t bother me too much, but due to my OCD, I have a weird think about cankles, which she had. It’s hard to unsee that.
Red flag #3:
She spoke in a deep, manly monotone. I’ve had my fair share of therapy and was told those that speak in monotone usually have a troubled past. I knew this girl had daddy issues, but so do I.
Red flag #4:
She SUCKED at video games. You’d think that if this girl got so excited about my video game collection, she’d be a decent player. She didn’t know how to run vs walk in Mario games -__-
We had gone to dinner, which was an experiment for me. I had never dealt with a gluten free person before. I decided to take her to CPK because I knew they had gluten free options. She found something to order, including a salad. They brought the salad to her, and it had croutons on it. She had to send it back. I asked if her allergy was THAT serious. She said it was. So much for my baking skills….
After dinner we return to my place. She was done with video games and just wanted to watch TV…I quickly found out she was a channel changer. You know, those people that can’t stand commercials and changes the channel the millisecond a commercial appears. Those drive me nuts!
She lived about 1.5 hours away, and ended up leaving around 7pm or so. All in all, it wasn’t the worst *cough* “date”, and she wasn’t THAT terrible. I figured I could tolerate her for a weekend. And if you knew my ex, this would be a cake walk. So I decide to proceed with the weekend adventure. In the meantime, she had to figure out another elaborate lie to tell her dad. I’m sure going out of town with a lesbian for a weekend would really be acceptable.
I had never been to Mammoth Lakes during the summer, but it seemed like it would be beautiful and was also close enough to Yosemite, which I had never been to, either. Luckily I was able to find a condo up there for 3 nights for a great price, especially for it being last minute and a holiday weekend. We had agreed that I’d get the condo if she paid for her half of it by getting the groceries, gas, and other adventure costs (any shuttle tickets or rentals). She asked if I was sure that’s all I wanted, and I confirmed. I figured that it’d all even out.
I took an extra day off of work so we could head up Thursday instead of Friday. Another indication on how bad I wanted to get away.
Once we got there, we went grocery shopping. I began to realize how much food I really didn’t want to share, or couldn’t. I love my bread and baked goods. We couldn’t even share brownie fudge ice cream! The shopping cart got more and more lopsided. About 60% of the stuff in there was for her. I couldn’t imagine myself eating all that stuff in a weekend. That girl could eat!
We get to checkout…$100+ for groceries, for two people, for 3ish days. I don’t spend that much for myself for a few weeks! I was calculating, generously, that $40 of that was mine to go towards her tab.
Red Flag #5:
The sleeping arrangements had never gotten worked out. I mean, we were 2 lesbians that met on a dating site….but I didn’t really get any sense of flirting or connection like that from the first meeting with her. The condo had no bedrooms, only a loft that had a twin bunk bed next to a queen sized bed. She SAID she didn’t mind sharing a bed if we had to, but in this case there were options. So I left it until the night to see what she decided. Her sleeping schedule was different than mine so she went to bed early while I watched TV until I was sleepy. Once I was ready to call it a night, I walked upstairs to see that she claimed the single bottom twin bunk. That settled that.
The next day we had planned on taking the shuttle to the trails that took you to Minaret Falls:
She filled her camelbak pack with 5 bottles of water and brought some Clif Bars, and I’m not sure what else to munch on. I packed my backpack with 2 bottles of water, a frozen CapriSun, apple sauce pouch, one Clif Bar, and PB&J Sandwich. I had figured we’d be out there for maybe 4 hours, with enough time to explore somewhere else afterwards.
She bought the 2 shuttle tickets (another $7 to her tab, running total = $47) that took us to Stop 5; the trailhead to Minaret Falls (see map below). The hike to the falls seemed a lot further than indicated on the map. It didn’t indicate elevation or inclines, which could explain why. So it was a good warm-up for the rest of the hike.
After the falls, she has to pee, so we hike backwards back to stop 5 where a restroom was. Then started the hike AGAIN to go to Devils Postpile, which was actually pretty close and easy to get to. Then we proceeded to Rainbow Falls. There were some annoying inclines and lots of people on the trail, and again, this felt a lot further than the map said.
Once we get to Rainbow Falls, we see people down at the bottom of it, lounging around. There was no way in hell I would be hiking down that thing as I was exhausted and it’d mean having to hike back up it to get back to the shuttle at Stop 10. By this time, only had blisters all over my feet, 1 bottle of water and working on the PB&J while I rested at the top of the falls.
The girl said once we were done there we had to hang a left at the fork to get back to the Shuttle. So we did. We passed 2 guys with camping backpacks…and then didn’t pass ANYONE for at least an hour. The trail got more narrow (less foot traffic) and we started to hit some switchbacks that lead down a canyon. I told her “I feel like we took the path less hiked,” and after a while, I told her to stop so I can figure out where we were on the map. From what I could make out, we weren’t even ON the map anymore! She was convinced we were and just ahead was the road that the Shuttle crosses, therefore she kept going! At this point I only had a half bottle of water. I refused to walk anymore because I just knew we were going the wrong way the whole time. But she STILL kept going…further than what my screaming voice could carry. So I ran after her, yelling at her to turn around, that we were going the wrong way….she ignored me. I told her that we were going into the wilderness, that nothing was ahead of us, AT ALL. Eventually she stopped at a creek that has a sign that read “John Muir Wilderness”. When I reached to her there, I said “told you!” She shuffled her feet, turned around, and started to slowly walk back into the direction I told her to. She finally took the hint.
So I BOOK it back. And if you know me, you know I walk fast. I had practically no water or food and wanted to get the hell out of there as fast as I could. My feet were in pain…didn’t care. I switched to auto pilot without looking back for about 30 minutes, until I noticed she was nowhere behind me again. So I waited. 15 minutes later, she was still nowhere in site. A family of 5, 3 of which were young kids, passed me by. I had called out to the mom to ask her if she would please tell me friend that was down where they were head to check her phone (since there was signal) to have her text me back if she was ok. She agreed to relay the message.
Eventually I get a text back from her:
Now, back story: I had been on a hiking trip with 4 other girls to the bottom of the Grand Canyon. On the way back up, one of the girls got sick and could no longer make the hike. We got a hold of the rangers, who carefully and slowly walked her back up to the station where there was an infirmary and helipad. Once it was deemed unsafe for her to continue they airlifted her out of the canyon. A free helicopter tour. Knowing this, I’d be damned if this girl got airlifted out while I had to continue to hike! So I run back down the trail to find her.
Eventually I see her eating chicken out of a pouch, provided to her by the family that had passed me. They had also replenished her water supply. They suggested that we just take it easy and walk back up. That nobody (helicopter) was coming for us. Just to suck it up and trek the 2-ish miles back up the hill. They were nice enough to pour some Crystal Light lemonade into one of my water bottles, as well. They had some kind of filter on them for collecting and drinking creek water. I guess they were going to be camping in the wilderness for the weekend. Some rugged family! We thanked them for helping us and we were off….slowly.
This time I made sure she wouldn’t get too far behind me, and she actually was patient with me when I needed my breaks to recharge. Maybe 45 minutes later, we get back to the fork that got us into the mess in the first place. Shortly later I notice a ranger making her way toward out direction. I stop her and ask if she’s responding to a search and rescue. She confirmed, and I told her we were the ones she was looking for, that we had made it back up. I told her I was out of fluids and she was kind enough to hand me a bottle of water. She instructed to an easier path that would take us back to the Shuttle. It involved a fork split, and said we’d have to make a LEFT. So we headed in the direction she told us to, and got to that fork she mentioned. So where does bonehead think we should go? Right, of course. I said she was fired from being navigator long ago. We were going LEFT. Eventually we got to Shuttle Stop 9.
There wasn’t a bus there ready to pick us up. What there was was a flight of stairs that lead up to the general store of a campground where Shuttle Stop 10 was. The ranger mentioned this place and said they had Gatorade and suggested getting some to replenish electrolytes. Something about the though of a a sugary sport drink fueled me enough to mentally prepare myself to make it up that final flight of stairs, whether the girl wanted to follow me or not. I was going…and I DID!
The store had no air conditioning, plenty of sweaty Indians (from India, no joke) and a line at the cash register. I had one more person in front of me by the time I saw the Shuttle get to the campground just outside. A large line of people formed to hop on. It was the last stop on the route, so I had assumed the bus was already pretty full since it was way later in the day, maybe an hour before they stop taking passengers. I buy my frosty, cold, delicious Gatorade and rush to get into the line.
Luckily they had just enough room for me to get onto it. I had figured that the girl would already be on the bus from Stop 9, though for some reason she wasn’t. So I texted her to see what happened. Ding Dong said she was waiting for me to get back. Common sense would have told her that I was not coming back, that I’d meet her at the next time. She was either going to hike the stairs with me, or ride the bus. Duh. So we just decided to take separate shuttles ALL the way back to the Condo.
Once I got there, I took my shoes and socks off to unveil the disgusting, ginormous blisters I had accumulated on my feet in places I didn’t even know where possible. I took a shower, which couldn’t even fully clean my feet, and tended to the blisters while I waited for the girl to make her way back. Eventually she returned to do the same thing. By then, I was starving and WAY too exhausted to cook dinner. So we had agreed to order food for pickup and go to CVS to get hydrogen peroxide for the blisters.
CVS didn’t have peroxide….AT ALL. I even hobbled around the store to make sure the shelves were completely cleared of anything like it, and it was. So I had to get triple antibiotic ointment and bandaids.
We drive to the restaurant we ordered food from. I ask her “aren’t you getting this?” She responds, “With what? My card is frozen.” Red Flag #6. She had acted as if I knew this was a problem already. It was news to me, so guess who had to pay $25 for dinner? Yours truly. She said they couldn’t unfreeze it until Monday…of course!
Once we got back and settled down, I decided to calculate just how much hiking we did:
Shuttle to Minaret Falls (1-way): 1.35
Minaret Falls to Shuttle Stop: 1.35
Shuttle Stop to Devil’s Postpile & Rainbow Falls: 2.37
Rainbow Falls to John Muir Wilderness Sign: 1.9
Wilderness to Rainbow Falls: 1.9
Rainbow Falls to Shuttle 9: 1.05
The following day we had planned on hiking through Yosemite, but after the accidental 10 mile hike, neither of us were in any condition to do anymore hiking. So I thought MAYBE kayaking in one of the many Mammoth Lakes, but not if I had to pay for it. She seemed pretty content on just staying at the condo and watching TV all day long. I told her I’d be damned if I stay inside all day. I can do that at home. So I plotted out all of the lakes in the area and decided to drive around to see them all. I gave her one last invitation, and then set off on my own. It was breathtaking. Something I would definitely have to come back and do RIGHT next time.
It was a great day. I had texted her to see what she wanted to do about dinner, since she had already eaten through most of her food. We agree on BBQ chicken. It involved the least amount of ingredients I had to buy. She offered to cook it once I got back…fine. Have at it.
The next day we had to drive home. Guess who’s card was still frozen and guess who had to pay for lunch and more gas? Ugh. Once I got home, she helped me unload my car and bring stuff up to my apartment. Then I guess she felt it was time to lounge and hang out. Shoot….I wanted her gone, for me to unpack, and take a nap. Eventually she left.
The following day (Monday), I text her to see if her card was unfrozen. She said it was! So rather than straight up asking her to send me money for her half of the trip, I got into this long winded story about how I was like a human credit card when I had roommates, this one and only time. How they were always late to pay me and it was very frustrating. While I was telling this story she was telling me that she hated when people had to pay for her, that she’s used to paying because she’s perceived as the guy. I told her I didn’t believe in roles like that. Once I got to the point and mentioned that we need to go over what she owed me, I had not gotten a response at all, to this day.
I tried texting her several times, sending her a message through OKC, nothing. I didn’t have her on Facebook, although at one point I was able to find her, just never friended her. But on this day, she was unsearchable! So I resorted to Instagram, where I know she was following me. However this day, she was NO longer following me and had me blocked from viewing her account. The only thing I had left to try was Flickr, where she followed me. I sent her a message there, only to find out she removed me from that, too, the next day. I figured that any true Christian person would be trustworthy enough to pay up for their portion, or else they’d feel sinful and guilty. I guess not with this girl. My therapist said that it was a passive aggressive reaction to me yelling at her on the trails. That I won’t be seeing the money, ever. I told him that I figured just as much, that karma will do its thing, and I'll be out $160+.
Just another bad dating experience for me, I suppose.
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