I was once told that you are the average of your five closest friends. This thought has come back to me over the years, and I have always pondered its significance – especially considering that, like most people, my five closest have shifted and changed remarkably over time – save for one or two. Today I had lunch with one of my loveliest friends, someone who I have actually known since high school, however our friendship then was more of an acquaintanceship and she has come back into my life through vastly different connections in adulthood, to take place as one of the jewels in my crown. It amazes me that, throughout the last year of knowing one another – since we reconnected – we have formed such a strong bond and I find myself wondering what on earth I did without her for such an extensive period of my life.
I suppose it’s quite obvious to say that our needs and wants change over the course of time, and our friendship groups ultimately reflect this. When I was in my early 20s, I wanted to be surrounded by people who would not judge me, who were happy to stay up all night and chat, drink cheap wine, and were vaguely but unimposingly curious about the world. People who weren’t sure about their place within it, but confident enough to knew they belonged anyhow. I surrounded myself with easy friends, easy conversations, easy laughs and easy fun. I did not want or expect to be challenged, in fact I shied away from the very concept, I was just happy to be accepted and liked and comforted – and of course to do the same in return. On reflection, the early 20s were an intensely formative period for my social and emotional development and adjustment to adult life, and yet I so desperately shied away from any sort of relationships that would challenge me to – well – grow up. As a result I spent most of these years feeling a little lost, and struggling to find out where I really belonged. Funnily enough, I suppose when it’s all a little too easy to fit in and be liked, it doesn’t really feel as though it’s necessarily where you’re supposed to be. Because I didn’t have anything figured out at 22, but the majority of my peers didn’t ask the hard questions, and I supposed neither did I of them. Talk about arrested development.
In the past few years – late 20s to early 30s, I have had some of the most raw, difficult, and devastating things occur – from which I suppose I thought I would always be immune due to my previously blissfully ignorant existence. And yet, coming out of that, I feel the most developed, understood, cherished and accomplished than I have ever felt in my 32 years. My circle of friends has been whittled down to a wonderful, challenging, inspiring and loyal group of (mostly) ladies, alongside whom I have managed to rise from the ashes and discover a clarity of identity that I never imagined possible. Not only that, it is an identity of which I am constantly encouraged to be proud, challenged to improve, and motivated to love.
I don’t think, in all honesty, that the 5 friends rule applies to me – in fact I feel almost greedy in comparison. Whilst I definitely believe that there is something to be said for quality over quantity, I have been truly blessed to have kept, and met the most incredible and vast group of women to have by my side during this time of my life. There is the oldest friend, who knows me better than I know myself, who knows when I’m feeling down almost before I do, and whose home is always open to me as my own. I have the creative, encouraging, inspiring women – who make me feel like I am ruling the world whilst painting masterpieces with their own blood sweat and tears. I have the one who is fighting to find her own identity, whilst always making time to make sure I am doing the same. The one who gently encourages me to accept the help I pretend I don’t need, by giving it to me without being asked and expecting nothing in return. There is the girl who holds my hand while I reach my own realisations – when she often already knows the answer but also that it’s best for me to find out on my own. And of course there are my sisters, who share their hearts as though we only have one between the three of us.
I only hope that these strong, generous, wonderful women are able to take something from my love as I do from theirs, find some peace, or challenge, or support from me – I truly view you all as essential as the blood in my veins.
Remember that those who challenge you are the ones pushing you further.
And hey, my ladies and I still enjoy some cheap wine. But now we don’t drink to excess – we drink to success.
dededos
dailybridgerton
baratheonpilled
kianamaiart