Genre : Angst, Romance, Hurt
Warning : Bullying, Racism and Violence!
"Sir, please breathe. Are you dying?"
"No... I saw her. The girl I killed."
He loved her in secret, broke her to survive, and spent ten years filled with deep, suffocating regret.
But suddenly, she appears. Will she return to his life and forgive him?
This story is inspired by this song, so I recommend listening to the song.
"Sir, please breathe. Are you dying?"
"Then what's wrong with you?"
The pedestrian light at the Gangnam intersection was still beeping. Hundreds of people hurried across the crosswalk in their black coats, beige trench coats, and umbrellas.
Hwang Hyunjin stood right in the middle of the road. People bumped past him, muttering complaints, but he barely noticed. His feet felt frozen to the damp pavement.
A few yards ahead, walking toward the subway entrance, was a woman wearing a simple yellow cardigan. Her shoulder length hair curled slightly at the ends, and the skin on the back of her neck was deeply tanned. She was just a stranger, probably on her way to the train.
But Hyunjin couldn't breathe.
His chest tightened and his heart started racing. His vision blurred, narrowing until the only thing he could see was that yellow cardigan.
It's her. She's here. She's alive.
He tried to take a step forward, reaching out, but his legs gave out.
Secretary Park, walking a few steps behind him, caught his arm before he hit the ground.
"Sir? Director? Look at me," Park said, sounding alarmed. He held Hyunjin's arm tightly, pulling him up. "The light is turning red. We need to move."
Hyunjin couldn't answer. He opened his mouth, but only a faint wheeze came out. He looked pale and was breaking out in a cold sweat despite the cool afternoon air. His hands shook, and a wave of nausea hit him.
Seeing how pale he was, Park quickly dragged him out of the crosswalk just as the light turned green and cars started honking. He led him into a quiet alley between a convenience store and a bank.
The moment Hyunjin leaned against the brick wall, he doubled over and threw up.
He retched onto the wet concrete, coughing as his throat burned. He leaned back against the wall, shivering and dry heaving.
Park stood back a little and handed him some wet wipes. He didn't ask questions. He was paid well to keep quiet during his boss's episodes.
"I saw her," Hyunjin whispered hoarsely, wiping his mouth with a shaking hand. He slid down the brick wall and crouched on the ground, ruining his suit trousers, but he didn't care. "Hyung, I saw her."
"You saw someone who looked like her, sir," Park corrected quietly. "Drink this."
He handed him a bottle of water. Hyunjin took it, but his hands shook so much that water spilled down his chin and soaked his collar. He took a sip and closed his eyes.
The air smelled of wet asphalt and car exhaust. It was late March—that time of year when the sun felt warm but the wind was still freezing. The weather and the smell were exactly the same as ten years ago.
"Get the car," Hyunjin muttered, staring at the ground. "Just get me out of here."
The back of the car was quiet. The tinted windows blocked out the noisy Seoul traffic, and the air conditioning hummed softly.
Hyunjin rested his head against the window. The cold glass felt good against his warm forehead. He closed his eyes, but every time he tried to relax, the memory of that tan skin and yellow cardigan came back, making his chest tight.
He was twenty six now, having outlived her by ten years. He ran a company, sat through endless board meetings, and lived a life mapped out by his father. He was functional and successful, but his life had actually stopped when he was sixteen. Everything since then had just been going through the motions.
The sound of the car faded, and the smell of leather turned into the cheap scent of lemon floor wax and blackboard chalk.
Hyunjin kept his eyes closed as the memory came back, clear and vivid.
The classroom was noisy on the first day of the new semester. Desks scraped against the floor, boys yelled across the room, and the air was stuffy with the smell of old gym clothes and strong cologne.
Sixteen year old Hwang Hyunjin sat in the back row by the window. He had his earphones in, not playing any music, just wanting to be left alone. Even then, he was at the top of the school social ladder. He didn't have to try; his family name did all the work. People either wanted to be his friend or were afraid of him.
The homeroom teacher, looking tired in a wrinkled shirt, walked in and slammed a textbook on the podium, silencing the room.
"Sit down, all of you. Mouths shut," the teacher barked, rubbing his temples. He looked toward the door. "Come in."
The sliding door creaked open.
Hyunjin rested his chin on his hand, expecting another boring student. But when he looked at her, he couldn't take his eyes off her.
She didn't look like anyone else in the room. Among the pale girls with bright lip tint and tailored uniforms, she stood out. Her skin was tan, as if she worked outdoors or came from the countryside. Her uniform was a size too big and sat awkwardly on her shoulders, and her cheap white sneakers were scuffed gray at the toes.
She stood at the front, gripping her skirt so tightly her knuckles turned white, staring at the floor.
"This is the new transfer student," the teacher said, writing her name on the board. "Introduce yourself."
"Hello," she said. Her voice was quiet and a bit raspy, sounding tired rather than cheerful like the other girls. "Please take care of me."
An awkward silence filled the room. High schoolers can easily spot someone who doesn't fit in, and she clearly didn't.
Whispering started in the front row. Hyunjin couldn't hear what they were saying, but he saw them snickering.
He didn't join in. He sat still, watching her. He felt a strange weight in his chest. He didn't care about her cheap shoes or loose uniform. He just watched the shadows of her eyelashes on her cheeks and the way she nervously bit the inside of her lip.
For the first time, Hyunjin found himself completely distracted by someone.
"Take the empty seat in the middle row," the teacher said, waving her away.
She walked down the aisle. As she passed Hyunjin's row, he caught a faint smell of laundry soap and rain. She didn't look at him. She sat down, opened her notebook, and kept her head low.
Hyunjin stared at the back of her head for the rest of the class, not writing down a single note.
It didn't take long for the typical high school cruelty to start.
Lunchtime was loud and busy. The cafeteria was crowded, smelling of food and damp concrete. Hyunjin sat at his usual table by the windows. Nobody else dared to sit there; it was reserved for him and his friends.
Taejin, a loud, broad-shouldered guy whose father owned a major construction company, dropped his tray on the table and laughed.
"Hey, did you see the new girl?" Taejin asked, chewing his food with his mouth open.
Minseok, sitting across from him, snorted. "Yeah. What's up with her skin? Did she crawl out of a dirt pit or something? She looks like she hasn't taken a shower in a month."
The other boys at the table laughed.
Hyunjin sat quietly, poking his rice with his chopsticks. His stomach felt knotted. He wanted to tell them to shut up, to say she looked fine and they were being annoying, but the words wouldn't come out.
Taejin noticed his silence and nudged his shoulder.
"What about you, Hyunjin? I saw you staring at her during homeroom." Taejin’s voice was teasing, but his eyes were sharp. In their group, reputation was everything. You couldn't defend the weak. If Hyunjin showed any sympathy for the poor transfer student, his cool image would break, and he might become a target himself.
The table went quiet. The guys looked at him, waiting for his response.
Across the cafeteria, Hyunjin saw her sitting completely alone at a small table near the trash cans. She was eating slowly, looking out the window. The sunlight hit her face, making her skin look warm and golden. For a second, she looked peaceful.
Hyunjin looked back at Taejin. His heart was beating fast, but he kept his expression blank and let out a small scoff.
"I was staring because I was shocked," Hyunjin lied. His voice sounded calm, hiding his panic. "I was wondering if the school lowered its admission standards. She looks like a stray dog."
The table burst into laughter. Taejin slapped the table, amused, while Minseok high-fived the guy next to him.
Hyunjin forced a smile, feeling sick. He took a sip of water to hide his face.
But then, the laughter stopped.
Hyunjin lowered his cup and looked where Taejin was staring.
She was standing right behind Minseok. She had come to scrape her leftover food into the bin near their table, and she was just standing there with her tray.
She had heard every word.
Hyunjin froze. He couldn't look away.
She didn't cry or look angry. She just looked at him with tired, dark eyes. Her expression was empty, as if she had expected this. It felt like she saw right through his expensive uniform to the coward underneath.
They locked eyes for a few painful seconds in the noisy cafeteria. Hyunjin wished he could disappear. He wanted to stand up, grab her hand, and walk out. He wanted to tell her, I didn't mean it. I don't know why I said that.
Instead, Taejin leaned back in his chair and smirked. "What are you looking at? Keep walking."
She looked away, dumped her food into the bin with a loud clatter, and walked away without saying a word.
"Man, she really is a stray," Minseok muttered, going back to his lunch.
Hyunjin sat completely still. Under the table, his hands were shaking so hard he had to grip his knees until his fingers hurt.
He had done it. Just to protect his reputation and please guys he didn't even like, he had made her a target. He was the one who started it.
As Hyunjin walked back to class, he felt a heavy weight on his chest. It was the first time he had ever really hated himself. He hoped he could just forget about it, thinking it was just a bad joke that would blow over tomorrow.
He had no idea he had just started the countdown to her death.
