Trying to Understand My Aroace Feelings Through Autism
I often find myself wondering about the overlap between my autism and being aroace.
Not in a “something must have caused this” way, but more in a quiet, reflective “this feels connected” way.
A lot of what I experience around attraction (or the lack of it) lines up closely with autistic traits. Sexual and romantic attraction don’t come naturally or instinctively to me; they feel abstract, distant, or theoretical rather than something I feel in my body. When people talk about chemistry, sparks, or “just knowing", it often sounds like a language I was never taught.
Physical closeness, especially touch that’s expected to be intimate, can feel overwhelming rather than comforting. Sensory boundaries matter a lot to me. What others describe as warmth or closeness can register as overstimulation, pressure, or loss of control.
That said, physical closeness is something I can accept, but only with people I’m extremely close to, like my mother or father, and only when I’m ready for it or when I’m the one initiating it. Consent, familiarity, and control make all the difference. Without those, even well-meant touch can feel intrusive.
There’s also the social side of romance and sex, the unspoken rules, flirting, expectations, and scripts. Autism makes me question social norms anyway, so I don’t automatically accept the idea that romantic or sexual relationships are something I should want. When I strip away that expectation, I’m left with… not much desire at all.
That doesn’t feel broken. It feels honest.
I don’t think autism causes aroace identities, but I do believe it can shape how attraction is felt, understood, or even noticed. For me, being autistic has always meant relating to the world differently, so it makes sense that I’d relate to intimacy differently, too.
At the end of the day, this isn’t about labels explaining each other. It’s about recognising patterns, respecting boundaries, and understanding myself a little better.
And that feels enough.