my side of the facts

I just hope you find pieces here that you enjoy. Thanks for stopping by :)

[mysideofthefacts]

And I hear my heart beating louder than my thoughts

And it beats for someone who’s not here

One who doesn’t want me

One who cannot hear it

And my chest hurts

It feels like someone is digging a whole there

And my heart asks me why he left

And all I dream about is death

And my heart places bets

When do you think he’ll talk to us?

When will you hear that bell?

And I have to break it every time

I have to tell it he won’t come

That I know he promised it the world

But he’s gone and doesn’t wanna talk

"Maybe it’s for the best," some say

But my heart cries every day

And it tells me it’s hard to breathe without him

And how can you sleep without him

And how can you eat without him

And every day I have to tell it

I have to tell it he won’t come

That I know he promised it the world

But that I’m all that is left

The rubble from the war

But that I’ll protect it

That we will make it through

But it says I always promise that

And then I give it to anybody

And that they always lie and they always leave and they never come back and it always hurts

And I have to promise it’s the last time

And that I’m sorry I’m not a good carer

Even though if deep in my mind I don’t know the extent of what I’m promising

Even though I don’t know if it’s true

I need to say it

To make it through.

[mysideofthefacts]

Growing up

It sets in slowly Like cold honey warming up in your mouth The realization that maybe Maybe I am enough Reaching the back of your throat Falling down the walls Even if I’m not I feel ok in the body I inhabit And the sweetness fills your body Goes up to your head What now? I try counting and putting in the numbers But I loose track halfway through Maybe I ate this Maybe I ate that Why would I move my body if I don’t hate it anymore?

[mysideofthefacts]

An un-read book

You are that book on the shelf that I never finished

The one which chapters kept letting me down

I’d read on and on in hope it’d get better

but the plot just kept bleeding out

The beginning was good

Read the first few pages and thought I was hooked

but in chapter ten or so, it just turned into a bore

always hurting inside, always fighting some more

until one of those days I said, “this is enough”

I’m not even having fun, its all just so rough

And now you just sit there gathering dust

on that leather cover that you’ve always had

I open it up some times

remembering those first lines

but get disappointed all over again when I begin to witness the end

I keep you there and you gather your dust

But some day I’ll need your pages for warmth

And in ashes you’ll lie on my hearth

[mysideofthefacts]

so grown up, we are all kids still...

[mysideofthefacts]

It’s a little bit funny...

     It’s a weird thing. Filling up the page again. Where there once was a blank space, now there’s words I put there. It’s like I gave matter to them and they now exist. But when you haven’t filled a page for a while, ideas get scrambled up in there. It’s like an attic that you just put boxes in but never organize, boxes you never labelled and they pile up in the dark. Where it’s hit with the mist of dust that the sun rays light in the morning. Today is that day that you are free for the evening and wanna go look for something up there. All of those days I left something there and saw some other trinket, I could’ve taken the time to take a deeper look and go down that path but I chose not to. “I’ll write it tomorrow” I kept thinking. But now I can’t find it. The idea. The inspiration. The box. The trinket. So, what are my choices now…Look for it in every possible box in the hope that I’ll find it whole (very unlikely), or do I just come back down, have a cup of tea and forget about it? Because you see, the problem with this attic is that you can’t really label all the boxes. Even if you do. When you forget about them for enough time, then they fade. Their particles start losing matter and the boxes dissolve into oblivion. Except for this one box. This box is dense with color, filled with memories. Memories that never existed but which haunt me, every time I close my eyes. One of an apartment that gets robbed everyday, an apartment in a rough neighborhood until I buy a gun and take it out on everyone. One of a young blond who gets kidnapped to be tortured by a sexual deviant who lives in a pink dainty house on a curb; I’m that blond. I’ve never known any of these people, nor the places I visit when I’m them. Yet…they’re still in my head, living their traumatizing experiences over and over again, behind the veil of unconsciousness.

[mysideofthefacts]

Glitter

   It still aches in the spaces you’ve left behind. They shone so bright that there’s still light in them. They glow when the sun hits them. They are like glitter, stuck in places that I can’t wash off, no matter how hard I try, no matter how much I think it’s gone. I’ll wake up some days thinking, “Oh it’s off. Finally! Im through.” But, days, weeks or even months later, I can still find pieces of glitter stuck to my heart; in the creases, the places where it’s hard to get it off. They shine when I least expect them to, when it’s all sunny outside and the air tastes like freedom, when the flavors feel better and colors seem stronger. The sun hits and from the corner of my eye, there it is: your glitter. Like a mean old friend from high school waving hello with the widest of smiles. It reminds me of the sunny days I had with you, of your hugs and your kisses on my forehead. Like a child I was swooped in by the illusion and the glitter blinded my eyes. It fell from the sky in heaps like in new years and it felt new, exciting and warm. 

   I wanted to twirl underneath with my face to sky for the rest of my life, but my eyes were closed for so long that I didn’t realize… the party was over, the people gone. Only I was left, twirling alone in the night lights…and when I looked for you all I could see was your back heading towards the door with that clumsy walk of yours. I wanted to run, hold your arm back and tell you, “Don’t do this. Can’t you see I need you now?” But as you turned your head and looked back at the space you were leaving behind, you never stopped walking. I remained still ‘cause I knew I had to, ‘cause I understood why. You needed to walk away for your own sake, for the glitter you had still in your heart from past times. You, as I do now, thought you had rinsed it off for good, but as I twirled and the lights hit your face, from the corner of your eye you could see it. Old glitter. Stuck in so deep you couldn’t scratch it off if you tried. And there was more about to come, from my make up, from my hair, from my smile beneath the sun. You didn’t want more. You wanted it off, like I do now. You wanted to wait for your skin to reject the shiny particles until there was nothing left, you wanted to wait out the natural process, to feel clean again, to feel like yourself again. It was hard to understand it then, it was hard to look beyond the pain, I scratched so hard to get that glitter off I wounded my skin and bleed through in places. 

   So, now? I twirl sometimes with my eyes open, just in case I see any of that old glitter still stuck. If I’m waiting for it, or dreading it, I don’t know anymore. Old memories get mixed up in my brain. It’s all confined in such a small space that it turns around and is confusing. Maybe next time I’ll get to see it coming if I keep my eyes open. Maybe next time won’t be such a spectacular fall. 

[piecomic]

[piecomic]

TBT

[mysideofthefacts]

Amazingness <3 

[mysideofthefacts]

The struggle...

Best therapy is to just feel whatever you are feeling. “Just let it all out.” But what happens when you start and won’t stop? When you feel like if you go down that road there’s no coming back? What happens when you’re afraid to leap because you’re scared you won’t come back from rock bottom? There were days when I thought I would get sick from longing, that I would get a heart attack from heart ache, that destiny would make something happen to end my pain. Sometimes, we think we are gonna die, sometimes, we wish we would. But we don’t. And we stay, and we fight. EVERY. DAMN. DAY. And we go through whatever hell we must go through, to reach whatever heaven we like. At least for some time, at least for a little while. We get thrown up in the air and we fight to find the ground again, and we take however long that takes. But we fight. Or we don’t and we perish. But either way we get through it. And we use whatever tools we can find to get up. Whatever ladders we can use to be whole again. And that’s ok. Because once you find balance, once you get back on your feet again, once you get your spine back, you’ll feel greater than before. Because before you were happy in the bliss of ignorance, in not knowing how deep you could fall, and now you do, and you went through hell and survived, you fell and cracked your bones and now you can walk again, because now you are stronger than before, a little bit more sure, a little bit more certain of every step you give, a little bit more ready to face the next hells awaiting for you. And like this, maybe next time…next time it might not hurt that bad.

[booksandglitters-deactivated201]

If you marry me, you also marry my bookshelves. 

[gamingallnight]

Just kidding, don’t touch my books.

[mysideofthefacts]

Ok, you can dust them. 

[combbefferre]

[mysideofthefacts]

holy shhhhieeet...someone just read my mind... :I 

[mysideofthefacts]

I think the internet is trying to tell me something... :/ 

[surfacethroughthewaves-deactiva]

A Series of Unfortunate Events - Netflix Promo

[mysideofthefacts]

O.....M........I cant speak right now... 

[mysideofthefacts]

Check out this playlist on @8tracks: study study study study by _sarahkathryn.

My love, my baby, indie music <3 

[shencomix]

But you can’t hide.

image

fb | twitter | patreon

[mysideofthefacts]

tangled necklaces

She said this to me: “You know when you put all of your necklaces in a bag and they are all tangled together when you pull them after time has passed? The easiest way to untangle that mess is by opening them first. But I’ve seen you. You don’t open the necklaces to disentangle them, although that is the easy way. You look at the knot and always begin by pulling. That way or the other, until you find out that only binds them more. It is only then, when you have that moment, that you press the knot and loosen it with the tip of your fingers, loosen it until you have more of necklace in the knot that outside it. And then, you pull from the inside, and the necklaces come oozing out. Like the leaves in the fall they disconnect from the branch easily. Such is in life. There is no use in unwinding it by pulling from the sides. You must go deep. And loosen up at the core. Only then, will you begin to pull useful pieces from it. Before you will only get pieces of the necklace, but not the whole.”

[mysideofthefacts]

Birthday person: Hey! Its my birthday today! Oh? For me?? Thanks!!!!! Me: hey, sup Mom: Hey!!! I bought a present! Me: Why? You didnt have to mom I mean if anything I have to buy you... Mom: Hmmm cause its your bday? Me: oh... Right... So what did u buy? :p

[boyfroend]

[toolers]

You get home from a long day at work and turn on the TV. It’s been a long week, so you think to yourself- maybe i’ll take the family to a movie on Saturday. Maybe we’ll even go on a vacation soon! We could visit museums and go to plays and see all sorts of fun attractions.  When you turned the TV on, nothing happened. There are no actors to entertain you.  When you went to the movie theater, nothing was showing. There were no advertisements to tell you that anything was showing, so you went to the theater to find out. Nothing playing. There is no one to film and create movies for you. Well at least your vacation will be fun, right? Not like there will be any plays to see and there won’t be anything in the art museums.  Well at least you have the shack you are living in that you made out of cardboard and sheets. Not like you could find an architect to build you a house with all the money you’re making as an engineer. 

[froankie-deactivated20130715]

bless