mysterious_marauders

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Remus, surrounded by books: I’m like four days past my bed time and emotionally shattered...

Remus: Yet I’ve never felt this alive!

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Sirius: Moony single handly has the power to ruin my New Year if he doesnt doesn’t kiss me at midnight.

James:

James: I would say the same about Lily but...

Sirius: ...it would never happen to begin with?

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Remus: I am alive for three reasons.

Remus: I was born, I have managed to not be killed yet, and Sirius refuses to let me die.

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Sirius: Someone peer pressure me to do my homework today...

Marlene: Do it or you’re straight.

Sirius: I said pressure not THREATEN!!

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Walburga: I raised perfectly functional children.

Regulus: Do you have other children we don’t know about?

Sirius: Maybe some that you actually raised.

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James: Hey Lily, I bet you can’t make a sentence without using the letter A!

Lily: You thought you did something very intelligent this time, didn’t you?

James:

James: Whet in merlin’s neme?!

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Kidnapper: We have your kid.

Euphemia: Which one?

Kidnapper: Umm… black hair, short, curses with a passion…

Euphemia: Oh you mean Sirius. If you think he’s bad wait until you meet the other three.

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Remus: *loathing Sirius for eating his chocolate*

Sirius: *cracks a sly joke and grins at Remus*

Remus: *loathes him slightly less*

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Sirius, at 6am: Well my day is officially ruined.

Remus: And why is that?

Sirius: Because you woke up exactly 30 seconds ago and haven’t given me a hug yet.

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Remus: I talk to myself a lot because I need an expert opinion.

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Sirius: Hey Remus, what do you want for Christmas?

Remus: Is that even a question… chocolate!!

Sirius: I’m your boyfriend I need to get you something better than that.

Remus: What is better than CHOCOLATE?!

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James: *holding a plant over Lily* Look what I found in the kitchen!

Lily:

James: It’s mistletoe! You owe me a kiss now!

Lily: Thats parsley…

James: …can we still ki-

Lily: No.

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*on his first day of Aurour training*

Harry: Fuck the government!

Hermione: Harry you are the government!

Harry: Well, fuck me then!

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James: I put the sexy in dyslexia

Sirius: Oh yeah you do!

Marlene: James-

Lily: Don’t

Lily: I want to see how long it takes them to realize.

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Lily: Remus? Did you ever fill out that form I gave about what you are looking for in a significant other?

Remus, hands her the form:

Lily: Okay… Remus this just says ”Hair color and Last name: Black”

Remus: I don’t see a problem with that.

Lily: So either you want to date Sirius, Regulus, or maybe even Walburga. But I’m pretty sure you arent into women or psychotic mothers.

Remus, snatches form: Clearly I have to fine tune this a bit more…

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Marauders Fandom: (to anything cannon) Yeah fuck that, here’s how it really went down...

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James: *singing* I can take your mans if I want to, but lucky for you I don’t want to!

Sirius: Don’t you even try to steal my man!

Remus: He couldn‘t get me even if he tried.