finding out art garfunkel is bisexual has seriously changed the trajectory of my life like something just shifted in the universe
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finding out art garfunkel is bisexual has seriously changed the trajectory of my life like something just shifted in the universe
The Charioteer is so fucking hard to understand (especially if youâre a non-native english speaker) because itâs just so vague? it makes me feel like Iâm jared 19
And itâs so worth it because you get more out of it every time you read it.
Recognizing emotionally mature people
Taken from Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay C. Gibson, Psy.D. A summary of the tips the book hands you on how to recognize emotionally healthy people.
Theyâre realistic and reliable
They work with reality rather than fighting it. They see problems and try to fix them, instead of overreacting with a fixation on how things should be.
They can feel and think at the same time. The ability to think even when upset makes an emotionally mature person someone you can reason with. They donât lose their ability to see another perspective just because they arenât getting what they want.
Their consistency makes them reliable. Because they have an integrated sense of self, they usually wonât surprise you with unexpected inconsistencies.
They donât take everything personally. They can laugh at themselves and their foibles. Theyâre realistic enough to not feel unloved just because you made a mistake.
Theyâre respectful and reciprocal
They respect your boundaries. Theyâre looking for connection and closeness, not intrusion, control or enmeshment. They respect your individuality and that others have the final say on what their motivations are. They may tell you how they feel about what you did, but they donât pretend to know you better than you know yourself.
They give back. They donât like taking advantage of people, nor do they like the feeling of being used.
They are flexible and compromise well. Because collaborative, mature people donât have an agenda to win at all costs, you wonât feel like youâre being taken advantage of. Compromise doesnât mean mutual sacrifice; it means a mutual balancing of desires. They care about how you feel and donât want to leave you feeling unsatisfied.
Theyâre even-tempered. They donât sulk or pout for long periods of time or make you walk on eggshells. When angered, they will usually tell you whatâs wrong and ask you to do things differently. Theyâre willing to take the initiative to bring conflict to a close.
They are willing to be influenced. They donât feel threatened when other people see things differently, nor are they afraid of seeming weak if they donât know something. They may not agree, but theyâll try to understand your point of view.
Theyâre truthful. They understand why youâre upset if they lie or give you a false impression.
They apologize and make amends. They want to be responsible for their own behavior and are willing to apologize when needed.
Theyâre responsive
Their empathy makes you feel safe. Along with self-awareness, empathy is the soul of emotional intelligence.
They make you feel seen and understood. Their behavior reflects their desire to really get to know you, rather than looking for you to mirror them. They arenât afraid of your emotions and donât tell you that you should be feeling some other way.
They like to comfort and be comforted. They are sympathetic and know how crucial friendly support can be.
They reflect on their actions and try to change. They clearly understand how people affect each other emotionally. They take you seriously if you tell them about a behavior of theirs that makes you uncomfortable. Theyâll remain aware of the issue and demonstrate follow-through in their attempts to change.
They can laugh and be playful. Laughter is a form of egalitarian play between people and reflects an ability to relinquish control and follow someone elseâs lead.
Theyâre enjoyable to be around. They arenât always happy, but for the most part they seem able to generate their own good feelings and enjoy life.
â  Š Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents, Lindsay C. Gibson, Psy.D.
Hey all, remember when I said Iâd never do another picture-fic because I donât have photoshop and itâs straight up the devilâs work? Yeah, I lied.Â
someone give me validation this took foreverÂ
7/6/19 Update: Translated into Vietnamese by the amazing @annapotterkiku
Discredit - Excerpts from A.Z. Fell and Co.âs Yelp PageÂ
Keep reading
So does good omens have like, a plot and shit or, like are michael sheen and hot david tennant just the main characters. I was under the impression they were like background to an actual plot but it seems itâs literally just about their enemies to lovers slowburn
they are the main characters but they contribute exactly nothing to the plot. itâs like armageddon but focusing on two absolutely useless homosexuals instead of armageddon
Itâs the Rosencrantz And Guildenstern Are Dead of the apocalypse.
he really liked standing on the mango
no really he was completely transfixed by it
self-recognition through the Other
 I wonder if some of the bigger differences in the characterization of Aziraphale and Crowley from the books to the series are due to the shift from a late Cold War era to the current shitshow. So we go from jaded operatives dealing with the bankrupt ideologies and goals of their respective side to discontented employees dealing with extremely powerful employers colluding to bring about disaster.
This is an incredibly good take, especially bringing in the expanded role of Gabriel who was, initially, âthat stuffy, posh Brit who canât get out of his own way.â and then re-imagined as an American, âthe guy from head office who is like, âHey, what are you doing? Go to work! ââ Weâve had so much pop culture material (Office Space was released in 1999, Glengarry Glen Ross in 92, the list could go on) to fill in the space for a character like him, and a fundamental shift of what the current idea of a ârepresentativeâ, someone in the corporate wheelhouse looks like to take the place of what Aziraphale and Crowley need to be to accommodate. Horrible bosses and their underlings vs a more le Carre inspired scenario.
I absolutely love this and hope you donât mind me dogpiling on for a slightly adjacent thing, because yes! The book was written as everyoneâs pulling out of the Cold War because they realized mutual destruction was the only result. Everyone took a collective look around and said ânope, thereâs no winning here, weâd just eat ourselves faster that wayâ, and that was it. Thatâs what the Johnsonite gang is, thatâs why Crowley and Aziraphale are shamed a little by Adam for trying to influence human nature in the first place. Theyâre not needed and thatâs the point.
Right now weâre in a time of open hostility and aggression. Everyone feels very divided into specific echo-chamber loyalties (sometimes for good reason, but often to fuel paranoia or discontent), and the powers that be are only stoking those fires harder because it serves them and their egos. The showâs got a much bigger emphasis on the marriage (literal and figurative) of differences and embracing friendship and basic kindness in order to bring about change.Â
It wouldnât narratively work at this time in our lives to say âleave people alone to thrive without dogma.â So instead our heroes are told theyâre weak or traitorous for not wanting to continue on a self-destructive road. And their world-changing act (aside from choosing to love each other to start with) is to give humanity-as-Adam a moment outside the noise to make a decision, to remind him that power is in his hands to say no to this. And to say heâs cared for no matter what he does.
Griboyedov canal in Leningrad (1960)
My new favorite pastime: reading the 1-star reviews of Good Omens on Amazon. Haters are gonna die mad about it.
I like the fact that in there with the outraged Fundamentalists thereâs an outraged person who thinks that Good Omens promotes Creationism.
a note on growing up
Iâm starting to lose patience with how the purity/anti movement fails to recognise that, by definition, every adult has the lived experience of having been a teenager at some point, as opposed to just being some weird, separate class of person who exists completely beyond the Realm of Youth. Yes, there is a relevant distinction to be made between people who grew up at different times, under different cultural auspices, and how their varying experiences contributed to both their development then and their beliefs now, but at the same time, the idea that only current and/or extremely recent teenagers are qualified to talk about teenage anything is Deeply Unhelpful, not least because it means continually reinventing the discourse wheel. If your entire intellectual position is that itâs fundamentally bad or wrong for adults to socialise, morally disagree with or otherwise debate teenagers, then youâve essentially committed to the idea that growing as a person - that growing up, even - invalidates whatever Youthful Knowledge you once possessed, while simultaneously deeming it creepy if said grown-ups continue to profess any interest in youth culture.Â
A personal observation: in my tweens and teens, it felt like becoming an adult was this weird, almost brainwashy switch-flip whereby you suddenly woke up one morning and Knew You Were An Adult, as though your subconscious had downloaded a hardware upgrade during the night - and part of what enabled that belief is how little time I spent around non-family, non-teacher adults until I was one. Our society now is weirdly age-segregated, as Iâve had occasion to note before, and any kind of segregation tends to distort our perception of whichever groups we see only at a distance. I understand why there are teenagers in the world and online who think itâs weird that some adults like the same stuff they do, or enjoy stories with teenagers in them, and I also understand that creepy adults do exist - but the Venn diagram of overlap between those categories is very far from being a perfect circle.
Hereâs the truth: you donât wake up one morning and suddenly Become An Adult Forever. You just keep getting better at being yourself, day after day, which means lots of small changes over time - some of them obvious, some of them not, all happening at different rates in response to different stimuli - while your brain chemistry finds an equilibrium, or at least a relative normal, and the novelty of new autonomy is counterbalanced by the addition of new responsibilities. And at some point, you have the realisation that the Adult Switch is never going to flip: that it always was and always will be just you, forever, doing the same sort of mental and emotional self-improvement that took you from scrawled backwards letters in kindergarten to writing essays in middle school, only without a Well Done! sticker or a letter grade to reward you, and without a shared framework of educational tests and milestones to give the illusion of a universal developmental trajectory with the people you see each day, who now vary vastly in age.Â
Because really, the way you develop is never universal - hell, itâs not even necessarily linear. I learned to read at three and never stopped; my husband, now a university professor, didnât read a full book by himself until he was ten. You forget skills throughout your life and have to relearn them; some things you learn to do differently than others. Kids who grow up watching their parents fight in an unhappy marriage can know more about heartbreak at twelve than many well-adjusted adults, but the same is also true of the adult version of that kid, reaching out to someone younger who they recognise as going through the same issues. The idea that teenagers are fluid and developing, whereas adults are static and already know themselves forever, and can therefore have no non-creepy reason for talking to teens or enjoying youth culture, is wrong on every level.Â
It is healthy for people to interact with people of all ages - quite literally, it connects us to our shared humanity. Those heartwarming, âsurprise, this worked!â articles you see every so often, about how giving students rooms in a retirement community or putting a kindergarten in an old age home was a net boon to everyone involved shouldnât shock us, because thatâs how people are meant to live. The fact that weâve built our current educational model around separating students by age isnât some fundamental expression of How People Are - itâs an historical anomaly with a slew of toxic behavioural, cultural and emotional consequences.Â
I am not saying that every teenage fan needs to go out and befriend adult fans, or even feel comfortable with the idea of doing so. As I said, everyone develops at different rates! But there is a big, honking difference between saying, âI am sixteen and donât feel comfortable being friendly with adults,â and âI am sixteen and donât feel comfortable being friendly with adults, so therefore any other teenager who does is a naive victim of creepy behaviour,â and I would rather not see them conflated.
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This is so fucking stupid. Why canât artists and writers even give the option of pay? Itâs not like anybody is holding a gun to readerâs heads forcing them to donate. Itâs donated money! Youâre telling me Article 13 removes peopleâs option to even donate???
Article 13 is causing all sorts of bullshit, but this is nothing new for Ao3 and itâs important for folk to know. Writers or anyone hosting content on Ao3 should never ever link back to a ko-fi or patreon or even mention needing donations due to legal restrictions placed on Ao3 in order to exist. If you are found out or reported, they can delete your account.
So the way Ao3 works? Is that the only way they can protect us from content creators and their legal teams, is to be like âhey, look, this is transformative work for fun! It earns no money!â And thatâs how they get around what many authors still in this day and age think of as plagiarism and defemataion.
Itâs actually in Ao3â˛s Terms of Services, not because they are monsters who donât want you to thrive, but because itâs the only way to protect fan creators from the proverbial wolf at the door. Iâm just old enough to remember when Anne Rice and Star Wars were going after people and filing official take downs for fan works and threatening to sue people. I know actual people who got real letters telling them to take down their fanzine or else.
And every time I see someone creating a patreon or ko-fi for the fanfic, my heart jumps up into my mouth. Like sure, let people know you have those things? But donât have tiers that say things like âfanfic updatesâ. And for the love of god never post links to them in your Ao3. @deadcatwithaflamethrower nearly lost their account some years ago because they mentioned having a donation drive on their tumblr and someone reported them.
Some interesting axel variations.
Top to bottom, left->right:
John Curry, doing a 1A with a lovely arm position change (1976 Olympics SP) Robin Cousins, doing a Russian split jump 1A - taking a Russian/forward split position before beginning rotation (1980 Olympics LP) Jozef Sabovcik, doing a huge tuck 1A - bringing his body into a tucked position similar to that of a sit spin (World Team Championship 1995) Krisztina Czako, doing two inside half-axels in a row - doing one rotation (rather than one and a half as in a 1A) and taking off on the inside edge instead of the outside edge (1996 Lalique Trophy LP) Robin Cousins, doing an open 1A with arms raised (1984 International Pros FS) Krisztina Czako, doing a clockwise half-axel into and out of a lunge - this as the entrance to a counter-clockwise 2A (1996 Lalique Trophy LP) Yuzuru Hanyu, doing a beautiful delayed 1A - taking an open position before completing the rotation late in the jump (2018 Olympics Gala) Jill Trenary, doing a one-foot 1A - taking off and landing on the same foot - in combination with a 3S (1990 US Nationals LP)
it stillâŚ.astounds me how likeâŚao3 doesnât even have that many functions and it still hasnât left beta and you can only join after getting an invite like whatâŚare they DOING with all those ârainy day fundsâ like apart from server upkeep which is like fine whatever but apart from that. what on earth else are they spending the fucking money on. they donât even moderate the content that gets there so like. what the hell.
iâve said this before but like screams imagine if we treated ao3 like any other platform like tumblr or smth for instance can you imagine the fucking riot people would thro if tumblr asked for monthly donations LOL?
besides about ninety percent of the people arguing in defense of ao3 are white english majors who have no clear grasp of how the internet worksâŚof how little upkeep a site like ao3 actually needsâŚplease go back to your hole and write your drarry pwp or w/e
hereâs advice: next time, to avoid looking like an idiot, use google before making a post so that you donât have to be told theyâre completely financially transparent and have a detailed breakdown of expenses.
honestly, donât even need that. âlol imagine if tumblr asked for monthly donationsâ and âyou have no clear grasp of how the internet worksâ from the same person? considering that tumblr is owned by a giant megacorp, makes money off selling ads, and is still in the red?
another piece of advice is that overwatch urls arenât legally allowed to look down on people
âcompletely financial breakdownâ I READ THROUGH IT BRO iâm telling you ao3 doesnât even have half the content that tumblr does and it doesnât have any blocking function, barely has any moderation, is still in fucking beta, lacks functionality, and if all theyâre doing w their money is server fucking overhaulsâwhich doesnât even cost that much whenâand paying for lawyers, itâs STILL not as thorough as it should be likeâŚ.nobodyâs saying that tumblr is a functioning website but it still exists as a platform as much as ao3 does, and tumblr get shat on (as it rightfully does) while people like you constantly bend over backwards to suck on ao3âs nuts and give them more money than they need likeâŚLulz
how do i put it so that even youâd get it?
ao3 has, hands down, the best and most robust tagging system out of any website Iâve ever been to. (not to mention that they very much have a moderation team, ie. tag wranglers)
tumblr doesnât find me my own post on my own blog that i know the exact text and tags of
ao3 is run by volunteers whereas this mess of a site is run by actual paid programmers
sure itd be nice to have dms on ao3, be able to block ppl, have block tags without entering them in the âexcludeâŚâ section every time, or to search my âsaved for laterâ list, but like⌠these people arent getting paid lol. tumblr staff is and this site isnt nearly as functional. fuck yeah id complain about fundraisers on tumblr they havent earned my $$$. ao3 has by giving me a place to pursue content safe from you puritanical leeches free of goddamn charge.Â
âcan you imagine the fucking riot people would thro if tumblr asked for monthly donationsâ SIX MONTHS. S I X M O N TH S. The last one was in October. Like, I get people are super excited about making AO3 out to be this greedy, grasping corporation rather than a non-profit running on a shoestring budget, but at least get how often they ask for money correct.Â
On a slightly different note, imagine if AO3 acted like Tumblr did financiallyâ no ads at first, but funded by investors who expect it to eventually turn a profit. When that doesnât work, they they sell out to a corporation that tries to monetize the platform. First with ads and harvesting your information to sell. Then, in order to make it look nice, they scrub everything objectionableâ probably, like FF.N, theyâll just blanket-ban anything above a PG-13 rating, plusâ as Tumblr has doneâ blacklisting any âproblematic tagsâ (for example, I can no longer tag âfandom wankâ on Tumblr without my post being blocked from searches because âwankâ means seeeeeeex).Â
If youâre going to compare the two, I will absolutely take AO3â˛s biannual fundraising drives over the mess that is Tumblr any day.
And then imagine if AO3 got sold - again! - because it wasnât making enough money, and the rules changed for the site every time it was sold, AND your data was strip-mined with invasive scripts. And that data mining was the only reason anyone wanted to own the site.
With AO3, your data is not mined or sold, so that is not a possible revenue stream. With AO3, you get a stable site despite everyone - sysadmins, coders, support staff, tech writers, human resources, tags, translators, lawyers, accountants, managers, etc. - all being unpaid volunteers. All of them.
Some of the people who work on AO3 are indeed English majors - thatâs a very useful background for tech writers. The vast majority of us are trained in other areas. Because weâre a team. Of over 750 volunteers. Who donate more in volunteer time than the organization ever receives in cash.
AO3â˛s budget is a shoestring. Look up the Wayback Machineâs budget ($12 million in 2014) or Wikipediaâs ($81 million in 2018). AO3 is visited more often than the Wayback Machine and has almost as many works posted as English Wikipedia has articles. Yet its 2019 budget is just $515K.
This yearâs server overhaul is projected to cost $177,000. We took in a whopping $230,000 for the drive, meaning that we can pay some of our other costs aside from the server overhaul. Thatâs good! But itâs hardly rolling it dough.
Tumblr is said to be worth 800 million or so. Give a tenth of that to AO3 so we can pay people salaries and they can work full time instead of in their spare time, and then weâll talk.
(PS: Our lawyers are working for free, too. We could not afford them with our current income.)
Poland, 1981.
Photographs by Bruno Barbey
Little Falls Herald, Minnesota, November 16, 1900Â
Shadey has been playing the new God of War and itâs hilarious for an Icelander. Thereâs some kind of boss called âDauði Kaupmaðrâ. In-game, it explains that this means âDeath Merchantâ. What the developers missed is that thatâs⌠not âdeath merchantâ as in âmerchant of deathâ, itâs âDeath Merchantâ as in âDeath the merchantâ, as in, like, Bob the Builder, or Postman Pat. It genuinely sounds like either the name of a childrenâs cartoon about the daily life of a merchant named Death, or the nickname the locals start calling your friendly local merchant, Death Deathinson. Itâs amazing.
I've been enjoying your "white people" rants but I'm uncomfortable about the implicit assumption that white people = North American WASPs. It seems to me like it has the potential to reinforce the tendency you point out, that "WASPs have traditionally been held up as the cultural standard everyone else... should follow, and the âwhitenessâ of different European ethnicities in those colonies is generally judged by how assimilated they are to the WASP ideal."
Iâve personally got the ideological stance that as we understand that race is a really inaccurate construct, we move away from using it. Race constructs are the meatgrinder we pour ethnicities and cultures into to get some kind of easily-digested paste. Social constructs, like race or money, are real inasmuch as they are real in their consequences, but they can be deconstructed through careful analysis.
One of my first suspicions that whiteness was kind of bullshit was learning that in the Indian Residential Schools, Indigenous Canadians got taught really specific values and held to really specific standards of hygiene and criticized for particular behaviours, and going, âWAIT A MINUTE, a few decades before, white people got yelled at for doing the exact same thing! All of the stuff theyâre punishing children for are things Europeans have done for ages!â
And Iâm partly thinking about my own reaction earlier in the decade to Stuff White People Like, which is about a type of North American upper-class whiteness I did not grow up in. It was so jarring to hear so many inaccurate racial stereotypes that did not apply to me! And then so eye-opening to move to Vancouver and meet 10,000 of the kind of white people the website talked about and go âOH MY GODâ. That experience really drove home, to me, the difference between the amalgamation of stereotypes, and the actual lived experience of individual people in that category. Like, Iâd heard POC talking about their own experiences, and I generally knew stereotypes were pretty inacurrateâbut it was so much more visceral and real when it was about me.
So I guess Iâm trying to do the same kind of thing, to point out whiteness as a formerly unmarked category, a generally-held assumption of civilization and normalcy, and name it and talk about its history, so we can untangle the stupid assumption that thereâs such a thing as a naturally-occurring biologically-based âwhite cultureâ, that grouping people by race, much less setting up a hierarchy, is at all a good or reasonable thing to do.Â
I honestly hope lots of white people will read it and go âWILD, I am from white people who are NOTHING LIKE THISâ and then learn something about cultural stereotypes and the limitations of sociological analysis. That stereotypes come from a certain place and time and social pressure, and while theyâre sometimes based on true experience of a certain subset, theyâre also really bad at predicting what every single person in a group will be like.Â
Which they will then hopefully keep in mind the next time they meet a person of colour!
Ah yeah, I get what you mean about using stereotypes to unpack an unmarked category. I suppose where Iâm coming from is the idea that maybe it makes sense to do this using multiple âwhitenesses,â some of which are not a/the North American standard â so that those sorts of White People can also read and think âwow, Iâm NOTHING LIKE THIS.â