The Nation’s Girlfriend

I’ve been here the whole time | 28

[amethystsoda]

about to scour fragrantica for a similar scent 😤

update:

[mitangy]

[tombware]

for either way you choose you cannot win

[thegirlwiththemooglehat]

a small collection of whose line identities

[thegirlwiththemooglehat]

a few more identities

[mjalti]

sometimes im like “tone down the Self to fit in” and other times, the voice of God comes to me in a dream and says “I didn’t make you crazy for no reason”

[passionpeachy-deactivated202312]

Last night I had a dream I woke up to find that my house had been turned into a Smart House with every wall being a digital screen including the roof so I could see it even laying on bed and the Siri voice said “Don’t worry. You are perfectly safe in your Apple Smart Home™️” knowing I have a BIG phobia of intruders especially at night and it continued with “Let’s explore the neighborhood from the comfort of your home” so it opened google maps and accidentally zoomed past a shitty jpeg of the girl from The Ring standing outside my house and it said “ignore that”. woke up laughing

[passionpeachy-deactivated202312]

[thebootydiaries]

[wickedcriminal]

A collection

[pointnclick]

reminder to clench your jaw, slouch your spine, and put a dirty mug somewhere you will forget about it

[aaaangel444]

[c-53]

I think my favorite bit i do with customers is when white women are like ‘i dont know what to getttttt’ and i hit them with the ‘you should be bad~ 😈’

[c-53]

Saying ‘you should be bad!!’ In like Gay Voice to a white woman at starbucks has like the same psychological impact as going like ‘who’s a good boy?’ To a dog. It makes them so excited in a really endearing way.

[fortidogi]

[honeyglot]

this is what GOOD pussy sounds like [geiger counter noises]

[dykemd]

whos up that wants that thing torn asunder

[dykemd]

to shreds i said 🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️

[theperksofbeingahugefuckingcunt]

What if when we were born we were each assigned a Wikipedia page like a social security number would that be fucked up or what

[dragontatoes]

do you mean a wikipedia page about us? or do you mean some baby is arbitrarily given the rights and responsibilities to update the paramecium article?

[theperksofbeingahugefuckingcunt]

ok I did mean a Wikipedia page about us. But keep talking I like where you’re headed

[peregrineggsandham]

What's your government-assigned Wikipedia page? (No rerolls. I am in charge of "1929 in Wales" now. Not a great year, some bad floods in November.)

[954effpurple]

deeply and passionately kissing a maiden named iced water

[frownyalfred]

when I say I opened this fic, read the author’s note, and started laughing so hard I choked—

[nationalgirlfriend]

I’m back binches

[rubicunda]

Caria chrysame psittacus, a type of metalmark butterfly known for its shimmery green markings. Photo credit: Kim Garwood