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@naughtyhowell
Just gonna leave this here...
a quick step by step guide on what to do if you come back to your apartment and find yourself locked out because your front door is frozen shut
kick the bottom of the door for 10 minutes
text your landlord
remember your landlord is on vacation and also in her mid 50′s so it takes about 36 hours to receive a response
briefly wonder why the fuck you moved the canada
remember that college tuition is significantly cheaper here than in the united states
look up and notice your cat is at the window, staring at you. he paws at the window lightly and meows. it’s devastating. his eyes are so big and imploring. decide that you have to get inside your apartment at all costs. not even god himself can stop you from feeding your cat his chicken wet food dinner. frida kahlo herself could descend from the heavens and ask “hey you wanna bang?” and you’d say “hell yeah but first let me open this door so i can feed my cat his dinner”
remember there is a starbucks 3 blocks down the street from you
enter. the barista gives you a weird look for entering a starbucks at 7pm on a tuesday
order a venti cup of hot water. you order in french because the barista just said “bonjour” instead of “bonjour, hi.” you have a strong american accent. you hit the r in merci a little too hard to compensate. you embarrass yourself.
exit the starbucks clutching the massive cup of hot water in your hands. it’s burning your fingers.
return. methodically pour the starbucks cup of water all over the the door frame. it begins moving a little but still wont open
back up
ensure your doc martens are properly gripping the sheet of ice covering the ground. many people have told you to stop wearing doc martens in the winter, despite your protests that theyre actually the ideal winter boot. also, you’re a lesbian and punk’s not dead
release a pterodactyl screech and sprint towards the door, slamming the full force of your pathetically tiny 5′2″ 110lb body into it
you dont know any of your neighbors so you dont care about maintaining your pride anyways
the door swings open
run up the stairs
open the actual door to your apartment and yell MOMMY’S HOME MY LITTLE BITCHASS BABY BOY DONT WORRY at your cat
cat flings his body to the ground and starts purring like he does every time you come home
write tumblr post
me, with tears in my eyes: time to make a joke
IT’S NOT ‘PEEKED’ MY INTEREST
OR ‘PEAKED’
BUT PIQUED
‘PIQUED MY INTEREST’
THIS HAS BEEN A CAPSLOCK PSA
THIS IS ACTUALLY REALLY USEFUL THANK YOU
ADDITIONALLY:
YOU ARE NOT ‘PHASED’. YOU ARE ‘FAZED.’
IF IT HAS BEEN A VERY LONG DAY, YOU ARE ‘WEARY’. IF SOMEONE IS ACTING IN A WAY THAT MAKES YOU SUSPICIOUS, YOU ARE ‘WARY’.
ALL IN ‘DUE’ TIME, NOT ‘DO’ TIME
‘PER SE’ NOT ‘PER SAY’
THANK YOU
BREATHE - THE VERB FORM IN PRESENT TENSE
BREATH - THE NOUN FORM
THEY ARE NOT INTERCHANGEABLE
WANDER - TO WALK ABOUT AIMLESSLY
WONDER - TO THINK OF IN A DREAMLIKE AND/OR WISTFUL MANNER
THEY ARE NOT INTERCHANGEABLE (but one’s mind can wander)
DEFIANT - RESISTANT DEFINITE - CERTAIN
WANTON - DELIBERATE AND UNPROVOKED ACTION (ALSO AN ARCHAIC TERM FOR A PROMISCUOUS WOMAN)
WONTON - IT’S A DUMPLING THAT’S ALL IT IS IT’S A FUCKING DUMPLING
BAWL- TO SOB/CRY
BALL- A FUCKING BALL
YOU CANNOT “BALL” YOUR EYES OUT
AND FOR FUCK’S SAKE, IT’S NOT “SIKE”; IT’S “PSYCH”. AS IN “I PSYCHED YOU OUT”; BECAUSE YOU MOMENTARILY MADE SOMEONE BELIEVE SOMETHING THAT WASN’T TRUE.
THANK YOU.
*slams reblog*
IT’S ‘MIGHT AS WELL’. ‘MIND AS WELL’ DOES NOT MAKE GRAMMATICAL SENSE.
SLEIGHT - DEXTERITY, ARTIFICE, CRAFT (FROM ‘SLY’) SLIGHT - VERY LITTLE, FRAIL, DELICATE
IT’S ‘SLEIGHT OF HAND’.
DISCRETE - SEPARATE, DISTINCT, PARTED
DISCREET - SUBTLE, STEALTHY, DIPLOMATIC
BORN= existing as a result of birth
BORNE= carried or transported by
LIGHTENING = to make something less dark in color or to lessen its weight
LIGHTNING = bright flash of light during electrical storms
{This is quite helpful. Thank you Rebloggers.}
((adm: I just want to add-
Loose- untight
Lose- opposite of winning))
((ALSO: A fun trick - Affect = Action Effect = End Result ))
There = In that place
Their = belonging to them
can’t = a contraction for cannot
cant = a tilt or lean at an angle, usually to accommodate accessibility
Here’s three more I see a lot
Definitely - a synonym for absolutely, completely, totally, etc.
Defiantly - to behave with defiance
Worse - a relative description of poor quality, “things are getting worse”
Worst - the absolute version of worse, “it was the worst”
Worse is used when a thing is badder than it used to be. Worst is used when it has become as bad as it could possibly get.
Lets - permits or allows, “the teacher lets the kids go for recess”
Let’s - a contraction of let us, “let’s go to the park”
It’s not “could of” it’s “could have” or “could’ve”. Everytime I read “she could of” something dies in me. It doesn’t make any sense grammatically. I will stop reading your text/ story instantly.
You BEAR a burden or a circumstance. As in carry or endure it.
You BARE your soul to someone. As in make your soul naked (figuratively speaking).
If something is more than you can BARE, you’re saying it’s too big for you to make it naked.
If you tell someone to BEAR with you, you’re asking them to put up with you.
If you tell them to BARE with you, you’re telling them to get naked with you.
Also…
A HORDE is a group of living beings. You can have a HORDE of invaders or mosquitos.
A HOARD is a bunch of… stuff. Treasure, gold, or whatever.
You can HOARD wealth, but you cannot HORDE it.
@shadowrealm82
Sooo I get that a lot of these added comments are aggressive and problematic as hell, BUT…I’m reblogging so that folks who are neurodivergent or non-native English speakers can have this info. Despite being largely hostile and condescending, this is actually some great info. I hope it helps some of you! 💕
They’re - They are
Their - Beloning to (“It’s theirs”)
There - Location (“Over there”)
Then - Next or at that time (“Go to the store, then come back home”)
Than - Comparison or contrast (“It’s better than that”, “I would rather have ice cream than cake”)
You’re - You are
Your - Belonging to (“It’s yours”)
Its - Belonging to (“That’s its arm”)
It’s - It is (“It’s going to slap me with its arm”)
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