Nearly Blonde

Hi, I'm Elli. 21 years old, film maker

[90sryder]

[lets-catch-some-waves]

[31st]

i have to tell you something that will lower your entire opinion of me

[31st]

when i was 12 i made flyers for my fanfiction and handed them out a train station

[edgebug]

im blown away by the sheer confidence this act required. if anything my opinion has been raised. the poise. the fearlessness. the laughing in the face of death. i’m speechless

[choisirlafolie]

[70slesbian]

we need to stop doing litterary analysis....... like maybe kafka just litteraly turned into an insect who are we to tell him that he didnt

[hyrude]

mcdonalds is singlehandedly responsible for the gender binary and my torrid relationship with my parents. fucking “girl toy or boy toy?” how the fuck were neopets ever boy toys. every time i had to beg my parents to say boy toy so i could get a pokemon instead of like a greasy beaded bracelet, the seeds of dissent were sown that much deeper

[fatsoupy]

i found out yesterday while my grandpa was helping me move that he consistently carries four knives on him at all times. it’s as natural as carrying around his phone and wallet for him. he says if anyone ever attacks him and takes his first knife, they’re in for a surprise. if they take his second knife? another surprise. his third knife? buddy, you’re in for a treat: another knife

[teaboot]

Some rando: You should think about stopping your prescription

Me: My pills make me not want to die tho

They: You shouldn’t want to die, that’s not normal

Me: Yeah that’s why I’m taking my pills

[teaboot]

Again: But you aren’t the *real* you when you’re on your pills

Me: I’m the alive version of me

[requiem-on-water]

Murder me in an overgrown greenhouse of an old estate during a thunderstorm or don’t waste my fucking time.

[poethrotsvitha]

Hozier ghost wrote this

[falsedetective]

the uncanny valley between “this academic article doesn’t make sense because i’m an idiot” and “this academic article doesn’t make sense because the author is an idiot”

[eva-420]

bastard keeps sprinting to get ahead of me then walks really slow so i accidentally kick him and then meows all pathetically like i attacked him

[eva-420]

This Cat Commits Insurance Fraud

[youremybrandnewday]

I’m sorry, does your cat’s name tag say “hello my name is bastard”

[molliekatie]

[raptorific]

the best part of the Harry Potter movies’ approach to teenage crushes was the scene where Ron and Harry are talking while they fall asleep and Ron is like “why are all these boys into my sister” and Harry clearly finds Ginny attractive and wants to talk about it with Ron but at the same time doesn’t want to actually TELL Ron, so he tries to think of an answer that simultaneously acknowledges her attractiveness while making it seem like he’s Never Thought About It Before and he comes up with “she’s got nice skin”

and Ron is like “you think all these boys are dating my sister for her skin…?!” and Harry is like “dude I don’t know I’ve never looked at your sister before and I definitely don’t have Mr. Harry Potter-Weasley written on the inside cover of my trapper keeper”

and then there’s like five seconds of silence before Ron, who’s clearly attracted to Hermione and wants to talk about it with Harry but at the same time doesn’t want to actually TELL Harry, says “Hermione’s got nice skin!” as though he’d TOTALLY never taken notice of Hermione or her skin until Harry mentioned Skin Niceness as a metric for attractiveness

and then they both go to bed without ever actually discussing the thing they wanted to discuss

which is like 98% of sleepovers I had as an adolescent

[dankmemeuniversity]

[nudityandnerdery]

[kingofthenorth]

“What if raccoons figured out the secret to starting fires?” is the scariest hypothetical question my dad has ever posed

[ayellowbirds]

that’s the distinction between goblins and raccoons

[andtosaturn]

why do people always ask me if I’m okay when I’m lying on the floor. yes I’m okay. I’m living my best life. can’t a girl just lie on the floor and stare blankly at the ceiling listening to 1970s Swedish pop sensation ABBA sing Waterloo. I’m having me time

[robinaa]

please look at this deer someone managed to make in sims 4

now please look at him again