Nefarious Narwhal

Maya ♡ 28 ♡ she/her

[jauniegal]

I love wikihow so much

[starlit-meadow]

Look it’s me

[loredwy]

I cant believe this tweet is how I find out

[would-you-punt-them]

now all the things you guys have told me about american high schools are starting to make sense

[jeaninelatragedia]

holy shit.

[frustratedasatruar]

You're not really supposed to say it this way, because its considered crass, but here in the US children are culturally and legally considered essentially the property of their parents.

Note that its considered more crass to point this out than it is to treat children as property in the first place.

[phoneticmeow]

[phoneticmeow]

Okay the funniest thing about this is that everyone’s saying I’m taking away his space by putting things in the window

He has this entire one right next to it with a blankie and he uses it exclusively for people watching. He really only goes to the other window when he decides to be A Menace

Also his name is Banjo

He as a stroller

[batsbirdsandspeedstersohmy]

Omg there been updates!!

[sludgebitch]

YOU STUPID FUCKING DICKHEAD!!!!! YOU SHOULD HAVE GONE THROUGH THE x10 GATE NOT THE x2!!!! YOU WON'T HAVE ENOUGH MEN!!! IT'S ALL FUCKED!!!!!!!!

[toskarin]

eating rice, there's definitely an upper limit to how much you can eat, but thinking about it in abstract? when filling a plate? it's hard to conceive of it. that's what makes it so dangerous

[redstonedust]

if vampires existed in real life i think there would be shady companies advertising "organic blood" sourced from "willing donors" who are coincidentally all poor people being paid like $5 per blood donation. and like haughty vegan vampires who only drink a synthetic blood drink thats brewed in a way thats actively worse for the enviroment. and radical traditionalist vampires who go on tiktok and claim that true alpha chads have to drain and kill people and anyone who leaves their victims alive is a liberal cuck. enter the world of hypothetical insufferable vampire politics with me.

[fedoraspooky]

whoever's idea it was to have womens t-shirts have those tiny sleeves that go way up into the armpits must have done that maliciously

[vinceaddams]

People who try to copy historical writing styles don't say enough weird stuff in them. I'm listening to a 1909 story about a ghost car right now, and the narrator just said he honked the car horn a bunch of times, but the way he phrased it was "I wrought a wild concerto on the hooter".

[bogleech]

Reblog to wreak a wild concerto on a hooter

[ashenmind]

god if there was a book of forbidden spells I wouldn’t even hesitate

[yugiohz]

DID MY YAOI STICKERS ARRIVE

[yugiohz]

it was my bachelor’s degree 😑

[hometoursandotherstuff]

Came across this art installation, Liza Lou's Kitchen, at the Whitney Museum of American Art, NYC. It's a kitchen made of tiny glass beads, that artist Liza Lou did, taking 5 yrs. to complete, from 1991 - 1996.

My favorite part is the sink.

Details of a recipe book.

All the details in tiny glass beads.

Love the pie in the oven.

Love this so much.

No wonder it took 5 yrs.

https://whitney.org/collection/works/34855?

[thoodleoo]

there are a lot of really good ancient roman laws but i think my favorite is that, if you got struck by lightening and died, you couldnt have a proper burial because it meant that the gods hated you

[ancient-rome-au]

“Jupiter cancelled him and we’re not going to question that”

[antique-scarecrow]

genuinely asking: how would these laws apply to that guy who got struck by lightning on seven separate occasions but survived every time?

[nanarchy]

I think I would have assumed Zeus was trying to fuck him.

[antique-scarecrow]

worst possible response thanks so much

[pankendev]

there are places in the world today that are experiencing 40°C for the first time in recorded history. of course there's no way to know whether chucking billionaires into volcanos will appease the sun god but i feel we're doing the scientific method a disservice if we don't at least try

[the-big-mood]

During a high speed car chase pursuit, the FOX 11 Los Angeles helicopter had an unexpected moment when they spotted a rooster and a chicken casually walking down the sidewalk right in the middle of the pursuit.

[reblogmonstah]

The fact that they were walking 1-3mph

His joy and whimsy at seeing this

His acknowledgement of it not being as interesting as the chase

His little "huh" cuz you know they told him to focus

[averagefairy]

being at work while your personal life is falling apart has to be among the top 3 worst human experiences. You’re at your absolute lowest and someone wants to circle back on an email…… unreal

[warmleveret-deactivated20170910]

as funny as “those are his hooves you bitch” I’m mad that it overshadows that lil wayne really did have socks on in a jacuzzi 

[nenchaenmoved-blog]

can y'all stop just throwing random words together and expecting us to understand it

[re-bee-key]

you had to be there