Obadiah Stane and personal space
In the “Avengers” movie, there’s one scene where Tony Stark puts a hand on Steve Rogers’ shoulder and Steve throws it off and speaks angrily to Tony.
There’s been some back-and-forth about what was going on: in one interpretation, Tony was trying to be genuinely friendly and casual with Steve, who over-reacted. In another interpretation, Tony was pulling a ploy with Steve that Obadiah Stane had pulled with Tony.
I favour the second interpretation, and here’s why.
In the first “Iron Man” movie (and this really shouldn’t be a spoiler by now), Obadiah Stane is the villain working behind the scenes to have Tony Stark killed and to take over the company. We get a lot of scenes of Obie (you’ll permit the affectionate diminutive, I hope) and Tony together, where Obie is standing very close to Tony and encroaching on his personal space.
It’s been suggested Obie doesn’t understand, or has a different understanding, of personal space; that he’s using closeness as a form of demonstrating intimacy with Tony (knew the father before him, knew Tony since he was born, is a close family friend). I dispute this: I think Obadiah Stane is very much aware of the parameters of personal space and deliberately encroaches upon them as a dominance/status display.
He even does it with Howard Stark - and here we see the beginning of a pose that will be repeated again and again (crappy screencaps courtesy of moi-même):
Here Obie is trying to portray an image (and this is a publicity shot for a magazine, in-movie) of equality and partnership with Howard Stark. It fits into the personal mythos he creates and retails for the next thirty years, as he constantly says to Tony “Me and your dad” in some shape or form.
But Obadiah Stane and Howard Stark were not partners in the business. It’s Stark Industries, not Stark and Stane Industries (and really, in the context of getting their start making weapons during the Second World War, company initials such as “SS” would have been unfortunate). Tony is Howard’s heir, not Obie (and there’s a huge wellspring of resentment there about that for Stane).
Obie is, when it comes down to it, an employee just like Pepper. Pepper is very aware, despite how close she is to Tony and the unique part she plays in his life, that he’s the boss and she’s the personal assistant (see her protests at the charity ball about how it looks when Tony drags her out to dance). He may be a very important and powerful one, he may have a sizeable share of the stock in the company, but when it comes down to it - Howard Stark did not make him a partner and Tony Stark can, if push comes to shove, fire him.
This is Tony Stark with someone he’s comfortable with. Rhodey is sitting very close, he’s touching Tony, but only with the tips of his fingers. He doesn’t have his arm around Tony or his hand grasping his shoulder. Although he does get into Tony’s personal space, he’s respectful of the boundaries.
And Tony is listening to him - he’s deflecting or ignoring what Rhodey is saying, but he’s looking at him and listening to him and not (yet) trying to get out from under him.
Okay, let’s look at Tony’s first press conference when he’s back from Afghanistan and has just dropped the bombshell that he’s shutting down Stark Industries’ weapons manufacture.
This is before Tony even speaks. Obie is asserting control here - that’s what it reads to me. He’s reaching across the distance between them, so there’s a contradiction between the gap between them and the seemingly friendly gesture bridging it - there’s no eye contact, and it looks awkward.
This is Obie when Tony is first going ‘off the tracks’ (coming out from behind the podium, getting everyone to sit down on the floor); this is Obie reacting with his first instinct: assert and regain control.
This is after Tony’s bombshell, and this is what Obie always does: plasters on a big smile, puts his hands on/arms around Tony, talks over him, and hustles him out of the way.
This is not someone unaware of personal space; this is someone using it to his advantage. He is seeking to make himself the dominant figure by seeming bigger and broader than he is (stretching out his arms to encircle Tony). Look at his expression: inwardly he’s seething, of course he’s angry - even when we don’t yet know his real reasons for rage, we assume he’s got to be angry at Tony for pulling this stunt without telling him - but he’s aware all the time of the public gaze on them, so he puts on the big ol’ friendly grin, takes hold of Tony and physically displaces Tony.
He’s exerting control over the situation by exerting control over Tony.
After the press conference, we have the scene with the arc reactor. Obie reveals his knowledge that Tony has managed to make a minaturised, efficient version and insists on seeing it. Tony tries to get out of him how he found out - did Pepper tell him? Rhodey? But Obie keeps insisting “Show me. Show me. Show me.”
And Tony does. He doesn’t refuse Obie, he doesn’t retain bodily autonomy (and this is after he’s been held captive and tortured, so control over who does and does not get to see his injuries should be very important to him - e.g. the refusal to go to the hospital). He’s used to giving in to Obie, he’s used to Obie encroaching on his physical space (it’s maybe a bit much to say he’s been trained or conditioned to do so, but he doesn’t tell Obie ‘No’ outright at any stage):
Now comes the really subtle bit, the master-stroke of showing Obie’s exertion of dominance and control: it’s when he buttons up Tony’s shirt for him
Big deal, sez you. Guy has his arm in a sling, why shouldn’t he need a friendly hand doing up his shirt?
(a) Tony was able to unbutton his shirt himself, though he did have to take the sling off to do it. If he buttoned up his own shirt, this would indicate he’s the one in control: he chose to unbutton and show his chest with the arc reactor to Obie, and now he’s hiding it again by his own choice
(b) But it wasn’t Tony’s free choice to show the arc reactor in that place at that time; it was Obie’s badgering that made him unbutton his shirt and reveal his secret. Tony wouldn’t need a hand doing up his shirt if Obie hadn’t insisted on seeing for himself - and we don’t know that Tony does need the help; presumably he dressed himself that much beforehand (even if, say, Pepper had to tie his tie for him).
© What Obie is doing here is infantilising Tony. He’s emphasising his self-appointed role as a replacement parental figure (“your old man and me”, Obie as the family friend, Obie as Howard’s stand-in). He’s putting himself in the role as the one in charge, the dominant one, and by extension Tony’s words and acts are those of a petulant toddler. Obie makes Tony show him the arc reactor and Tony doesn’t say ‘no’ because you don’t say ‘no’ when your parents tell you to do something. You may complain and bargain and try to get out of it, but you do it eventually.
If Tony doesn’t need help dressing himself, Obie is regressing him to the state when parents and caregivers do up buttons and tie shoelaces for children. Tony is the child here, and Obie is the adult. And lastly, Obie is claiming his property - ‘you belong to me, the arc reactor belongs to me’. Putting his hands on Tony like that is a possessive act; we’ll see the mirror of ‘the hands on the chest’ when Obie fingers (sorry, there’s no other word for it) the hole in the chest of Tony’s ‘box of scraps’ suit of armour where the first arc reactor was, in Raza’s tent.
And what does Obie do immediately after he sees the arc reactor in Tony’s chest and buttons up his shirt for him, hiding his property away from public view?
Why, it’s the big ole grin and arm around the shoulder once again! Getting into Tony’s personal space, pulling Tony close. And Tony is exhibiting all kinds of avoidant behaviour - there’s little eye contact, he tries to get away from Obie as much as he can without physically throwing him off.
Tony only touches Obie as a last-ditch effort to claim equality and get away from him - the hand on Obie’s upper arm in the image above (which is not as aggressively grasping a hold as Obie’s hand on Tony’s arm).
Obie has a pattern of laying hands on Tony to re-inforce his attempts at exerting control. He does it in private (and nobody else, even Rhodey, touches Tony like this even when they’re arguing) EDIT: i neglected this point, that it’s always Obie initiating contact; I’m open to correction on this, but I don’t remember a scene where Tony was the one to hug/put a hand on Obadiah first, which again re-enforces that it’s about control and dominance - Obie is the one with the authority to touch whomever he likes and the confidence to do so, backed up with the undercurrent of physical threat by the ‘bigger stronger’ displays (humans are not pack animals, but we have enough animal psychology to recognise and respond to signals of fighting for dominance) :
We see the same pattern in the ‘smile and pose for the photos’ on the steps after the charity ball:
Here, Obie has forced the pose: he’s the one telling Tony “smile and pose for the photo”. And at the same time he’s dropping his bombshell (‘I’m the one who took out the injunction against you, surprise!’), he’s doing the ‘friendly arm around the shoulder’ bit again.
It’s not just Tony he does it to:
This is not Obie being friendly to an underling; this is Obadiah Stane demanding why they can’t recreate the arc reactor technology in miniture as Tony did.
So let’s compare the two poses we started off talking about:
Wonder why Steve might take a ‘friendly’ overture as an aggressive act designed to signal dominance, control and superior status?
Tony, whether he realises it or not, learned that trick from Obie. And Steve, who grew up as a ninety-pound weakling in Brooklyn, knows all about why you don’t let (bigger) guys treat you like that: they’re not friends or on friendly terms at that stage of the movie, this isn’t a gesture of friendship.
Yes, Steve lets Bucky do that, and it’s precisely in the context of Bucky demonstrating that he’s the protector, the big strong guy, the alpha male rescuing his little buddy from the bullies; they’re friends, but it’s still unconscious condescension on Bucky’s part to Steve:
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