(Also Known as: Nott had Visions due to Dehydration about the Shidou covers)
So the cover songs are some of my personal favorite things about Milgram. When I first got into Milgram I got brainblasted by the Animal cover and was never the same. Since then I've always wanted to write more about the covers but I never got around to writing anything about them at length.
And then I put on the Shidou Covers.
On the count of "I-love-you"
The most noticeable common denominator when it comes to these songs is the concept of lying which I will relegated to a secondary element because I think these two songs have something more interesting to give us when it comes to insight on Kirisaki Shidou.
Shidou is very much what I would dub an Eternity Seeker. He longs for the:
T1Q16: What is the definition of happiness?
A: To be promised an unchanging tomorrow.
He has this distinct romanticized version of the past and wishes he had the stable family life that he lost. His songs and VDs are tinged with this very strong sense of grief and longing for the better past where nothing bad ever happened actually.
“Throw down” connecting you with me,
To keep you alive, you are still living
His crime as well seems to be connected to him trying to save "someone" (presumably his wife but also possibly one of his children) and failing. He's not exactly someone who can cope with change Well. That's why he's here after all. He's forsaken a lot of "morality" to get what he wants here.
"Stolen? Just whatever do you mean?"
Committing myself to this performance, set lines and all
Those memories we've desperately created and clung to,
they blend together and feelings between us intensify
That’s right, for all these dirty delusions, let’s settle the bill with this dirty money
And he's not exactly uh- great at coping with this entire.
For someone who has self admitted to have done a lot of bad things, is stubborn and unwilling to change, and still says that for love he would do:
T1Q6: What are you willing to sacrifice for love?
A: Everything.
He's pretty unforgiving to himself about this. He asked a 15 year old to kill him and all. His morals and beliefs are strict and rigid and it hurts everyone around him, including him.
Liar Dance reflects this. The singer is unforgiving and hateful towards who their singing towards but the singer talks about how:
It's swallowed you up completely, hasn't it? Liar
Turn me inside-out and I look just like you
It's nice to meet you, "Crime" and Punishment"
No matter what you say
It's too late to apologize
We're already partners in this crime called "love"
Acknowledging that they are the same in the end. Akin to how even though Shidou makes a distinction between the part of him that committed horrible acts of presumed medical malpractice and the part that is a good respectable member of society in Throw Down. They are Both Him.
And the feelings of deceit and guilt that comes with tricking people into believing that you (Shidou) are better than you actually are. The feeling of having gone too far, That:
“Throw down” ethics is a delusion
I’m still guilty even if the morning comes
Liar Dance thus functions as a bit of a self condemnation. But I don't think that's the only possible meaning that can be derived from it. As Liar Dance is also distinctly about weak and false love.
I'm not going to sit here and tell you Shidou didn't care about his family. What I will say is that You Should Read These Posts by @/archivalofsins that break down the distinct possibility that Shidou Kirisaki might just be kinda a bad dad. His romanticization obscuring the knowledge that, no family can be that perfect and that Shidou was most likely less good then he would like to admit.
Dance away, liar
This love has swelled up like a balloon,
let's turn it into a lie with the prick of a needle
On the count of "I-love-you"
It's a lie because any sort of perfect cishet marriage is a lie. That's not a thing because there's no such thing as a perfect relationship. Shidou's standards are so high that they could be considered childish.
A family and love so perfect it can't be anything But a lie.
Turning wishes into reality
But that's not all.
While Delusion Tax is also a song that can pretty easily be mapped onto Shidou's feelings of selfishness about the morally questionable things he did for the sake of what he wants. There's also another aspect of it and Shidou's character I'd like to explore.
Kirisaki Shidou is a Boyprince.
Or uh- to read better in Milgram terms. A Savior.
Shidou Kirisaki has this thing about needing people to rely on him to feel...alive and needed.
That’s right, there’s justice that needs saving
See, indispensable, I’m indispensable
Existing for your sake alone,
mandatory affections and obligated kindness
He needs to be useful to others because to feel like he deserves a place in the world. To feel like he can live within it. He chose to be a doctor because:
T1Q1: Why did you choose your current workplace?
A: Because I thought it'd let me contribute to society.
after all.
However, Shidou Kirisaki is self-admittedly selfish despite these seemingly altruistic intents.
Though you should be satisfied, a voice from within shouts “NO!”
We have an idiot on our hands, it seems…
For many reasons, but one of them is because he doesn't really care too much about a person's autonomy if he thinks he needs to save or guide them in some way.
This is the most clear with Amane. Who hates him for this!
Shidou: I…… I just don’t understand.
If everything about MILGRAM is true…… why did a child like you have to become a murderer?
Just imagining what sort of circumstances must have led to that, it makes me so sad……
Amane: ……*sigh*. Is that right.
I don’t think I’m going to get along with you, Shidou-san.
I don’t agree with the fact you refuse to acknowledge that I have my own free will, and that I should be held accountable for my actions, just because I’m a child. I may have only been alive for 12 years, but all the choices I’ve made, even if they weren’t the best ones, were entirely my own.
What point is there in you getting sad when I have no regrets myself?
Because he longs for someone to save to have purpose in this world, he implicitly imposes himself as a "larger authority" on them. Believing his actions and feelings to have a greater importance then what they say.
Let’s pay that Delusion Tax
For the sake of making everyone’s life oh so wonderful…
While the Delusion Tax can also read as the "price" he paid in the attempt to what he wanted when it came to his crime.
That which you wish for, the person you think of,
The past which you hate as well, they’ll all be as you like.
The kind of face and chest you desire,
they’ll be granted if you pay.
it can also be read as what Shidou "sacrifices" for the sake of:
making everyone’s life oh so wonderful…
Since, Shidou also has a thing about choosing what he believes to be more valuable and important to a community and this extends to how he treats the people around him.
“Throw down”, someone’s value
Cannot be the same as another
“Throw down” should choose between superiority or inferiority
He creates these defined lines of who is better and worse, who would be more helpful and who he can...ignore for the sake of others.
Not because he's an evil person who wants to sacrifice people. Again, he has world's worst guilt complex. Just because...from a pragmatic standpoint...some people just contribute less than others and Oh No Don't Look at this Wikipedia Page for Eugenics I have Accidentally Linked!
"Hey, that girl is pretty great… Her too!"
Looks like you’re thinking some pretty nice thoughts over there…
Are you really satisfied with just that?
Don’t you think it’d be nice for it all to come true?
“That girl is alright… That one works too, I guess”
Pretending you love compromise, what a liar!
Delusion Tax's perspective Singer is talking about granting people's Wishes. For a price. But that price is good for something better right?
Turning wishes into reality
Right now, buy back your future!
Afflicted by so badly wanting to do “that”, consumed by desire
Come now, let’s go beyond all this pain
Everything must have an equivalent exchange right?
Well, now we can circle back to his murder because, well, that's not really how life works either. Life isn't really fair in the sense of you pay something and you get what you want back. Sometimes you pay everything and still lose.
You can't save everyone, not necessarily because you were naive or because you didn't try hard enough or didn't do the dirty work you should of or whatever. But because, you just can't. It's impossible.
A Lie, a Farce, a Delusion, if you will.
But those wishes won't really come true, even if you pay
For it’s all a lie, a great big farce
The Correct Answer, I Don’t Yet Know
Kirisaki Shidou I think, really does want the world to be fair. He wants to contribute, be useful, be important. Have the world stay in balance. He submits himself to be guilty verdict-ed because he Deserves To Die, but changes his mind and tries to convince Es to let him live because people now Need him and the "balance" of the "world" has now shifted into needing him.
It's his own perspective on the world applied onto himself. In Trial 1 he's sorted himself into an undesirable who should not be let into society anymore. In Trial 2 he's pinged himself as someone so important and priceless that they Must Not let him go.
Is this a necessarily healthy view? No! Not at all! This harms much more people than him really!
But Shidou's worldview is one that is rigid and working on thoughts on what is "good" or "bad" for the world. It's childish in that sense, causing him to harm others and be stubborn and unwilling to reflect and making him someone who Really Should Not be a doctor, and I think the cover songs explore what he does and the worldview around it really well.
the fact that any athlete can be subjected to "gender testing" on a whim because osmeone thinks she is too strong, too fast, just simply Too Good to be a woman is so fucking antifeminist, how can these people not see it?
all you need is one opponent crying big fragile tears because you were better than her and suddenly you are subjected to humiliating medical tests, every second of which is splashed onto the news as a scandal, and god forbid you are discovered to be intersex! you can be barred forever from sports for being born a woman The Wrong Way, and tricking everyone into thinking you are a Correct Woman. even if you are also just now discovering it. quick question do you, person reading this, know your chromosomes? are you sure? have you had them tested?
worst thing is when a character isn't even necessarily a category 5 blorbo but you see a take so atrocious you're suddenly slammed with having 20 strong opinions and all of them make you furious and protective and ah would you look at that you just gained a category 5 blorbo. sigh
You motherfuckers yes I hate Kamala too but when she is announced to be the Democratic candidate we are all going to shoot fireworks and go to the goddamn polls
GRIPPING EVERYBODY’S SHOULDERS SO TIGHTLY RIGHT NOW. YOU WILL VOTE FOR HARRIS. YOU WILL RECOGNIZE THAT THERE IS NO MORAL WAY TO BE PRESIDENT OF THE US AND YOU WILL STILL VOTE TO STRATEGICALLY PROTECT YOURSELF AND OTHERS.
You’re voting to choose your opponent. All protests, all “call your representatives”, all that for the next four years are going to be you calling action against an opponent. You get to choose that opponent. You’re not voting as a fan club.
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