Neva-gets-healthy

Hey, I'm Neva! Welcome to my vent outlet.

[neva-gets-healthy]

I made it through the "un-diet"! For 1 week I ate at my maintenance calories and met my protein goal and WOW it was pretty great. Excluding vacations, I can't even remember a time when I haven't been trying to diet, or starving myself to make up for a binge, so having this week was really an incredible mental AND physical break. Starting out this week feeling strong, proud, and optimistic. 💪🏼😊💕

[neva-gets-healthy]

Why lose weight when you can just get a tan...?

[neva-gets-healthy]

Had an AMAZING day on the lake yesterday! Even though I started out feeling insecure, I was able to get past my feelings and have a great time NOT hiding under a towel and feeling bad because I'm not super lean. THAT is a successful day in my book. 😎👍🏼👙🚤

[neva-gets-healthy]

This right here is the biggest fake smile ever because I am having a REALLY hard time feeling okay with myself... but they say fake it ‘till you make it right?

Today I’m going out on my friend’s boat and I’m bloated, up a few pounds, and just feeling very puffy and gross. I’m so stressed about being in a bikini in front of my friends that I don’t even want to go out at this point, because what’s the point of being out on a boat if you’re just feeling anxious and covering yourself up with a big t shirt the whole time?

I really want to have a good time today but this is definitely the worst I’ve felt about myself in a while and it’s getting to me pretty bad today. 

[neva-gets-healthy]

Quest bars why u so gooood?!?!

[neva-gets-healthy]

Feeling pretty great after a quick at-home workout!

Focusing less on body goals/appearance and more on self love/health and it’s been going pretty well! I definitely have my down days but overall I’ve been feeling really positive about everything!

[neva-gets-healthy]

Flexing as hard as I can here! 😂 Not even a hint of abs but guess who's day that's NOT going to ruin?? This girl right here. 🙋🏼 As a chick who stores most of my fat on my midsection, it's really hard for me to accept that a tiny, tight, defined midsection is just not in the cards for me unless I train/diet like a bikini competitor. But guess what? I'm not. And I don't need to look like one in order to accept myself. I'm healthy and I'm learning to be happy with my imperfections, and that's good enough for me. Maybe someday I'll decide to focus on getting super lean, but until then, I'm okay with my body's "happy weight". 👍🏼

[neva-gets-healthy]

Helllooooo 124 pounds! Glad to see ya but I know you’re not staying long and I’m fine with that.

So.

My goal was to get down to a weight that will allow me to gain a few pounds over vacation and still be at a comfortable weight when I get back. 

I’m currently at 124 pounds, but that is being verrrrry carb depleted, so my “real” weight is probably about 126 pounds. I’d like to get that down to 125 before vacation.

I’m staying there for two weeks, and while I don’t want to be bingeing, I don’t want to restrict myself either. 

Considering I’ll be going out to eat a lot and drinking probably 5 days out of the week.... I wouldn’t hesitate to guess that I’ll put on 5 pounds of fat.

That would put me at about 130 pounds when I get back, which is my goal. I DO NOT want to diet once I get back. Getting below 130 pounds pretty much has always been a result of extremely restrictive diets, so I think 130 pounds is my “happy weight”. My plan is to not let the weight gain get to me and work on staying right at around 130 pounds while building muscle. 

I’m a little worried that I’ll be really stressed about gaining weight during vacation, because to be honest, I DO love how I look at my current weight. But this weight is NOT maintainable, and I NEED to remember that.

[neva-gets-healthy]

So I’ve decided something.

I am going to try and do what’s healthy for me, regardless of how far away I am from my goals. I DO NOT need to be 120 pounds to have a good vacation, to wear a bikini, or to be worthy of love. I DO NOT need to be 120 pounds before I start practicing healthy eating and self love. Abs will NOT make me happy. Being shredded will NOT make me happy. Being 120 pounds will NOT make me happy. 

Writing this is hard because right now I am feeling so, so far away from being happy with myself. But for so long I’ve fought being at a healthy, maintainable weight for me just because I want to look hot/shredded/sexy/etc and I AM OVER IT. I need to do what’s healthy for me and if I can’t achieve a shredded look while maintaining my health and sanity than so be it.

130 pounds, I’m done fighting you.  

[neva-gets-healthy]

What's wrong?? Be okay!! ♡♡ god bless

Just feeling stressed and discouraged about lots of things lately. Thanks for your encouragement! :)

[neva-gets-healthy]

nothing like dreading the vacation you'd looked forward to for half a year now.

All I'll be able to focus on is how disgusting I feel.

[neva-gets-healthy]

Feeling so defeated. Don’t know if I’ve hit my breaking point but it feels like I might have.

[neva-gets-healthy]

In such a weird intense mood and I really wanna drink those beers in the fridge and make a burger but I know I'll hate myself tomorrow if I do but I want it soooooo baaaaaadddddd

😫😫😫😩😩😩

[neva-gets-healthy]

FINALLY losing weight. But....

it’s because I’ve been doing a RIDICULOUS diet the past several days. 

This week has been so messed up. I started out okay, but I binged badly on Tuesday and Wednesday. In order to make up, I ate 350 calories on Thursday and Friday, had one meal and drank the rest of my calories yesterday, and am eating 325 calories today. But because of my binges, my average calories this week have been 1800 per day. 

This morning I weighed in at 125 pounds, which means I’ve dropped 6 pounds since Monday.

I know that a BUNCH of it is water weight, so I’m really anxious to start eating “normally” again because I know my weight will shoot right back up. 

I’m definitely ready to get off the crazy diet but if I resume eating normally and my weight shoots right back up to where it was before all this I’m going to go absolutely CRAZY ugh.

[neva-gets-healthy]

Welp, it happened again. I binged.

I woke up with such a terrible feeling of guilt and regret. I remember the exact moment I knew that I was going to binge unless I did something drastic, and yet here I am today, feeling as gross and terrible as I knew I would. I'm definitely hopeful that I'm improving in this area of my life, but last night was definitely a setback and it just sucks right now. Gonna get through this day and try to make it as good as possible and I know I'll feel better tomorrow!

[neva-gets-healthy]

The scale is continuing to move up and I kinda feel like dying.

What the actual FUCK body?

[neva-gets-healthy]

Experimented a little today and made a pizza crust with coconut flour and egg whites! The crust was very delicate but tasty nonetheless. I topped it with marinara, veggies, chicken, and Parmesan cheese. Macros for the pizza are 25p/16c/5f for 230 calories. Don't know if I'll make it again (I'd probably rather just save up some extra calories and get a store bought crust) but it was fun to try something different!