[bunniefriend-deactivated2022111]

wanna see my favorite sculpture?

[bunniefriend-deactivated2022111]

[urbanfantasyinspiration]

That’s fucking rad

[aberrantemotion]

random sculptor: “hey you know what’d be fucked up to see in the woods at night?”

[patovpran]

I won't apologize for the person I'll become when Percy Jackson series airs

[badjokesbyjeff]

A young couple dies on their way to their wedding

On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple were involved in a fatal car accident. The couple found themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven. While waiting they began to wonder; Could they possibly get married in Heaven? When St. Peter arrived they asked him if they could get married in Heaven. St. Peter said, ‘I don’t know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out,’ and he left. The couple sat and waited for an answer…. for a couple of months. While they waited, they discussed the pros and cons. If they were allowed to get married in Heaven, should they get married, what with the eternal aspect of it all? What if it doesn’t work? Are we stuck in Heaven together forever?’ Another month passed. St. Peter finally returned, looking somewhat bedraggled. Yes,’ he informed the couple, ‘You can get married in Heaven.’ ‘Great!’ said the couple. ‘But we were just wondering; what if things don’t work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?’ St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slammed his clipboard on the ground. ‘What’s wrong?’ asked the frightened couple. ‘OH, COME ON!!!’ St. Peter shouted. ‘It took me 3 months to find a priest up here! Do you have ANY idea how long it’ll take to find a lawyer?

[moki-dokie]

JEFF

[scientia-rex]

I just read this out loud to my husband, a lawyer, and the face he made was DELIGHTFUL

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

Should’ve checked whether anyone in my house likes eggs before we got chickens. I have 67 eggs that need eating.

[friendly-neighborhood-wizard]

go out and throw them at cop cars

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

How many cop cars do you think are within walking distance of my house

[reverendyoda]

Once you egg the first, there’s a delivery service for more.

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

Ah yes, the Grand Theft Auto method

[johnnyjoestarrelatable]

being moderately proficient with computers in the early 2010s was casting a hex on your family to call you sheldon

[johnnyjoestarrelatable]

i got a big bang theory box set and a bazinga t shirt for christmas when i was 16

[cozy2000]

my dad wanted to get me a psych eval so i could say "im not crazy. my father had me tested." like sheldon did and after the psych eval they diagnosed me with paranoid schizophrenia

[baboon-87]

this could be the funniest thing that has happened to anyone ever. my condolences king

[pikaole]

Me and mom learned new English word.

[pikaole]

Wow…This is probably the most famous posts on my Tumblr lol. 

This is what I drew after this situation 👇

[irishshauna]

[passionpeachy-deactivated202312]

what is stopping hackers from displaying jeff bezo’s credit card number on times square

[louisinart-like-cuisinart]

That just isn't right. If they displayed his credit card number, the credit company would likely waive all charges made to the account and pay for it by raising fees for everyone else. If they display his DEBIT card, though, that's a direct line baby.

[sweetsweetemo]

you. i like you.

[whitepeopletwitter]

[rhaenyratheecruel]

One driver already quit and NASCAR responded with basically “we had to google you because nobody knew who the fuck you were”

[victoriankeysmash]

Nascar started because they said fuck cops and its nice to see they havent lost their roots completely.

[sugarcoatednightshade]

[ultimatebottom69]

That is the sexiest thing a corporation ever said.

[neil-gaiman]

i just purchased the cards against humanity nerd bundle and it says you wrote some of the cards. is this one of them? it reminded me of your writing.

No... I only wrote one card. And (I was amused to discover) that they put The Card That Neil Gaiman Wrote on it...

[ch15]

[funny-tik-toks]

[newtonpermetersquare]

Magnets: I want to commit diamagnetic

[squided]

how did I never once think to use tape fuck

[rubykgrant]

one time as a kid I forcefully shoved two magnets together, and these were the strong magnets my dad used in his shop to pick-up missing little metal bits, and I held them really tightly in the palm of my hand, went up to this one kid who legit said things like “I think black cats are bad, they should be drowned” and drew crosses on the notebooks of kids if she found out they didn’t go to church, I told her “Hey. I’m a witch. If you don’t stop trying to hurt animals and picking on kids, I’ll use my magic to throw you into the sky”, and when she dared to doubt my powers I told her that I had two “rocks” in my hand that I could send across the playground, then I opened my hand the the magnets shot off in two different directions (we were over in a spot that was empty, so no other kids were around, nobody got hurt), one of them stuck to a drainpipe and the other stuck to a fence. This kid SCREAMED, and ran to the office, and I guess had her mom pick her up from school, and then she wasn’t there for a couple of days, finally her mom called my house and claimed I had “traumatized her daughter by performing a terrifying magic trick”, and when my parents asked what I did I just said “I showed her a magnet and she flipped out. She’s not gonna be happy when she finds out about gravity, either”. eventually this kid came back to school and always made a point to come up to me and say “Hey, my mom told me not to talk to you!”, and would just be like “Good job, you already screwed that up”

[iliveinmyblanket]

Holy shit

[theknightswhotilrecentlysaidnee]

Every line in this video is iconic

[homiedepot]

[homiedepot]

[minha-estrela-decola]

a lesson in romantic comedy

[blossomboyj]

[marlinspirkhall]

“Can I hold your hand?”

“That’s a bad idea”

“But I  love you tho”

[irresponsible-black-unicorn-dea]

The wizard Howl

(direct link)

[im-just-vibing-at-this-point]

Sir-

Who gave you permission-

[irresponsible-black-unicorn-dea]

The source of magic itself

[theatricuddles]

[ID: A black cosplayer with hair in shoulder-length dreads, cosplaying as Howl. In the first video, he is wearing a grey sweater and sitting on the carpet until, on the beat drop, he is suddenly in howl's patchwork coat. The following two images are stills of him, and the fourth is a gif of him spinning around]