i'd love to stay & chat, but you're a total bitch.

dear god...this is tina, from school

[chimpanzeedotcom]

Being a bi guy quite possibly the funniest sexuality like dammmnnnn I know who John Waters is and jerk it to twinks in panties but I got a coffee date with Hetero Jessica from work at 3 thats her name heteroooo jessica thats her name folks thats what we call her hertero jessica

[doubleca5t]

This is a World Heritage Post and it's not even 3 years old yet

[andrew-garfielld]

But somehow if I had a second chance at that moment, I would do it all over again. Because I love you, in a way you can’t understand. Maybe you never will.

Pedro Pascal as Joel Miller in THE LAST OF US S02E06 | "The Price"

[russianblush]

THE LAST OF US 1x04 | 2x06

[pedrospascaled]

THE LAST OF US Season 2, Episode 6 - The Price

[russianblush]

THE LAST OF US 1x08: When We Are In Need | 2x07: Convergence

[willgrahamscock]

me existing: am I doing something wrong?

[kenziecore]

Ummmm shoutout to people who get home from work and get right in their jammies

[forbiddnsky]

*violently sobbing* I KNOW ITS FOR THE BETTER I KNOW ITS FOR THE BETTER KNOW ITS FOR THE BETTER KNOW ITS FOR THE BETTER KNOW ITS FOR THE BETTER KNOW ITS FOR THE BETTER KNOW ITS FOR THE BETTER KNOW ITS FOR THE BETTER KNOW ITS FOR THE BETTER KNOW ITS FOR THE BETTER KNOW ITS FOR THE BETTER KNOW ITS FOR THE BETTER KNOW ITS FOR THE BETTER KNOW ITS FOR THE BETTER

[fangorn-forest]

women be fantasizing about waltzing in an ancient castle under the starlight

[whisqrs]

i had a dream where tornadoes were made illegal or something i just remember like a dozen police cars driving directly toward a tornado with their sirens on and all getting sucked into the tornado

[papasmoke]

men just don't get into a big cloud of dust and start punching and kicking each other with only their arms and legs briefly visible like they used to

[plumstreet]

I looooove going the speed limit. the people behind me sure don't tho

[plumstreet]

im going 45 in a 45 and the guy behind me's like i hope she never sees the gates of heaven

[theblob1958]

this is literally the only tweet that ever matters

[the-best-url-on-this-site]

Kitchen Nightmares is really just like

Owners: i don't know why my restaurant is failing. Chef Ramsey please help

Ramsey: hello i am Gordon Ramsay. How is the food

Owners: we have the best food

*food comes out*

Gordon: this is an alive rat

Owners: our customers love te alive rat. We have the best food. Every day they order the alive rat.

*dinner service*

Customer: oh my god this is an alive rat

Waitress: is everything okay?

Customer: no it's an alive rat

*food is sent back*

Owner: this has never happened before. Fuck you Gordon Ramsay you should just leave. People love the alive rat

*Gordon goes in the freezer*

Gordon: there are 25 molds unknown to science. The rats have set up a lab to study them. Blimey. Scientist rats. They've unionized.

*later*

Gordon: your food is bad

Owner: no!!!!!!!!

Gordon: yes

Owner: oh my god our food is bad

*remodel, menu change*

Owner: oh my god Gordon Ramsay you saved my life thank you so much

Gordon: promise never to serve alive rats again, yeah?

Owner: yes of course

*end of episode*

Gordon: ratatouille ammirite? *He walks away chuckling*

End card: the restaurant was shut down three months later because they went back to serving alive rats.

[bluebandana]

i love canceling plans. dear maria count me out

[androidboy]

literally my favorite type of tweet

[feastofsnakes]

Had a dream last night there was a new Tumblr feature called "WANNA SHARE WITH THE CLASS?" (all caps) where if you thought about something too often Tumblr would reach into ur mind and post it for you