Percy Jackson might also be me fr

@nicodiangeloisliterallymefr

He/him (but i dont really care that much) | My favorite color is Blue and my favorite animal is probably frogs or fish | son of poseidon | 18

31.6K posts

batmanisagatewaydrug

always some new bullshit in the ocean

local-demon-in-your-area

Why is it always orcas or dolphins

Why can't a salmon do some bullshit for once

batmanisagatewaydrug

worry not ☝️ they're doing coke

Trying to catch a legendary pokemon but it keeps breaking out of the pokeballs so you get mad and kill it

lucalikesartpop-deactivated2018

Where is this gif from? :o

pokemon-photography

pokemon

pokemonheritageposts

Pokemon Heritage Post

my transformer sub (consensual roleplay): please we're at actual slagging war i can't drive you to waffle house

me: *spits on the steering wheel and smacks it* cars don't talk autobitch, and i'm driving

transformer sub: *engine revs* please daddy i'll get in trouble daddy

me: you want daddy to put a nickelback cd in your player? huh? is that what you want?

transformer sub: *engine revs harder* no daddy please i'll be a good bot

me: a good what?

transformer sub: a good 2016 kia sorento

transformer sub: a

good 2016

kia sorento

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

brutalist phalloplasty #HisProletarianSlab

brutalist vaginoplasty #HerIronCurtains

this is still one of my favorite explanations for gender

sedimentfootwrap

This image manifested so clearly in my mind I had to recreate it

[image 1: a tweet by KatysCartoons, whose profile picture is a stick figure whose head is colored in with the trans pride flag. the tweet reads, "Atoms are binary. They are either intended to be hydrogen or helium. We can't just scrap this worldview just because of a handful of exceptions". embedded in the tweet is a pie chart entitled "Types of atom in the universe": seventy-four percent hydrogen, twenty-five percent helium, and, in tiny font, one percent other.]

[image 2: the periodic table of the elements, except that hydrogen and helium are in their own box labeled "Real elements", and elements 3 (lithium) through 118 (oganesson) are labeled "Mental illness".]

.

incidentally this periodic table must've been drawn in the past nine years, since it doesn't deadname oganesson

oh so when the final boss‘s phase transitions, gamers love it, but when I, a trans woman,

I support every trans woman's right to have their health bar dramatically refill accompanied by flashy VFX and the name above the hp bar changing.

oh so when the final boss‘s phase transitions, gamers love it, but when I, a trans woman,

I support every trans woman's right to have their health bar dramatically refill accompanied by flashy VFX and the name above the hp bar changing.

The biggest “your experiences are not universal” thing I feel is whenever anyone talks about the universality of girls planning their weddings since childhood because. Well. Not me. God bless

“The universal girlhood experience of—“ [LOUD INCORRECT BUZZER]

“And spoke like they’d be there” 💀💀💀

i’m so fucking pissed off at this picture

stargh0st-deactivated20131025

wwhat the fuck….

I FUCKING LOVE THIS

thebaconsandwichofregret

oh my god thank you for the second perspective, it honestly makes me feel way less stressed about this image, you have no idea

Here’s the second image again since it somehow disappeared in reblogs

I was looking at sex toys on aliexpress (like you do) and it suggested I get a 45cm (17″) Black Tourmaline Hexagonal Obelisk. I don’t think that’s a good idea

FINALLY, WE CAN TENTACLIZE THE CLOUDS THEMSELVES!

and now I found the “realistic torture/execution devices for dolls” section.

aliexpress is seriously the best place to look at sex toys because they can’t show nudity so they have to finding other ways to show off the use of the toys.

This results in a LOT of abused food, which is always hilarious.

that’s not what I was searching for and frankly at this point I can’t really remember what I was searching for

oh baby, slide into my chrysanthemum for some novel gameplay!

one of my favorite things is when they decide to give you the whole hard sell.

instead of just being like “hey this is a good sex toy”, they instead try to explain why you’d even need a sex toy, from first principles. and that principle is usually “your boyfriend/husband sucks”. or doesn’t, I guess.

they always end up looking like a r/wheredidthesodago commercial for lesbianism

so the sound of this sex toy is between a flower and a clock!

wait, a flower? do… do flowers make sounds?

I’ve posted about the Hammer Sex Toy before, but it turns out it’s not alone. There’s also…

THE WRENCH!

now that is a fucking slogan

one of my favorite things is that when they’re showing off that sex toys have a bluetooth+internet thing so people can control them remotely, they always show a world map and two points labeled with city names and they’re ABSOLUTELY NOWHERE NEAR THE ACTUAL CITIES.

sex toy or vulcan starship?

OH MEHR SPIELMÖGLICHKEITEN!

this will give you the biggest orgasm of your life, but your mother will die. Oh well, there’s other parents.

In the quiet night all you can hear is your rapid breathing

found another tool! it’s scissors this time.

I’m not sure anyone of any gender really wants scissors near their genitals, so this may not be the best design

sometimes all I can say is “what”

is this vaporwave?

I don’t think that’s how that works

your strawberries will never be safe

finally, the first robot that can eat a flan!

another fun trope in aliexpress sex toys: just listing off all the rooms of your house you could use it in!

(Unlike all those terrible dildos that don’t work in the living room or kitchen)

finally the first sex toy designed specifically for wizards!

stay vigilant. there are still people out there who will try to convince you that eating fruit is somehow bad for your body

bluejayblueskies

It is so ridiculously easy to gain a reputation for being competent by just reading signs.

This is not metaphorical. I mean actual, literal pieces of paper/plastic/metal/whatever explicitly erected to inform the public.

“How did you know this was the right trail?” I read the sign.

“Wow, how did you know what that flower is?” There’s a SIGN.

“How did you know we needed to use the side door?” THERE IS A SIGN POSTED ON THE FRONT DOOR.

Just…why are we having such different experiences of the world? People can read. I KNOW they can read. There’s nothing wrong with their vision.

Just. READ. THE. GOD. DAMN. SIGN.

This also applies to:

Syllabi

Instructions

saw someone including "Mandate of Heaven" as one of those christian terms tumblr likes to use to sound profound. which i get where you're coming from but t☝️hat one is chinese

yuriinullification

holdon

what the fuck is going on in this site's backend

Percy Jackson might also be me fr @nicodiangeloisliterallymefr - Tumblr Blog | Tumgag