Ive told this story before and I'll tell it again amd again until the world changes. When I was 18, freshly orphaned, at my first ever job, trying to go to college I met my first serious boyfriend. He was 24, we ended up moving in together and he was so controlling and emotionally abusing that I had a genuine epiphany.
After 2 years of this I asked myself "How could I have let this happen? How did I not see the red flags? How did it get this far?" And it hit me. He treated exactly the same way my adults treated me when I was a child. I didn't see any red flags because I'd never been treated any differently. I'd be screamed at for being lazy, if I wanted anything then I was selfish. I was physically intimidated to make me behave. My emotions were "dramatic", and if I complained at all I heard the "everything I do for you" speech. He treated me exactly the way id always been treated and I didn't even recognize it as abuse until I wanted to kill myself about it.
That realization changed my life. Its a big part of why I work with children now. Parents sometimes hate when I say this but you need to treat your children how you would want their future partners to treat them. They are going to use their relationship with you as the blueprint for every other relationship in their life.
And it keeps them safe *now* as well. People who groom children are able to do so easily because many children havent experienced an adult be kind to them before. All the predators need to do is treat them like a person for a bit and of course they seem safe and friendly. If you treat your children with respect and kindness then their uncle or babysitter or whoever is gonna have a harder time gaining their trust and getting close to them because their tactics don't work if the child already expects to be treated like a person. Plus if your child feels safe and respected most of the time the moment someone makes them feel unsafe they can immediately know this isnt right and they will trust you to fix it.
Keeping children, and the adults they will become, safe isn't about tracking or the games they play, or if they get to go to a friend's house or not. Its about you treating them so well that they are able to recognize and seek help the moment a red flag appears.
