how the Kingdom Hearts series was made
(with full apologies to Tetsuya Nomura who Iām sure is a lovely person)
KINGDOM HEARTS 1
Nomura: thank you so much for meeting me, I know how valuable your time is
Disney lawyers: the pleasureās all ours, sir. you said you had a business proposal about how to profitably combine some of our intellectual properties with your Final Fantasy series?
Nomura: yes [pulls out laptop] ok so I wrote this crossover fic
CHAIN OF MEMORIES
Nomura: okay team that first game was pretty good but weāre gonna have to step it up. how about we make like, a card-based battle system in this one?
Staff: sir is that a yugioh card falling out of your sleeve
Nomura: also for the storyline I want to introduce a bunch of new characters who are all plotting amongst each other for mysterious reasons and then have them all die violent deaths
Staff: sir have you been reading Game of Thrones
Staff: sir
KINGDOM HEARTS 2
Nomura: ok letās do everything we did in the first game but EVEN MORE BETTER
Staff: sir are you sure you sent this through QC? the plot is kind ofā¦I mean the tutorial mode stars a different character and is 3 hours long?
Nomura: also use the triangle button a lot, that oneās my fave
Staff: this doesnāt really wrap up the story very well?
Nomura: triangle button
358/2 DAYS
Nomura: look itās really not THAT weird
Staff: sir weāre just not sure you can make a game about existential angst that ends with a child goading her best friend into assisting with her suicide? weāre working with disney here
Nomura: legal said it was ok as long as I never do it again
BIRTH BY SLEEP
Staff: sir I thought you said we couldnāt make any more games about dead children
Nomura: none of them die. one becomes a comatose vegetable, one is damned to wander hell for eternity, and one is possessed by a sociopath and loses his mind
Staff: how did youā
Nomura: none of them die, legal couldnāt touch it
RE:CODED
Nomura: remake the cell phone thing as a game
Staff: what? why? I thought we were supposed toā
Nomura: [scribbling furiously] make the phone game. stall for time. I am Planning
DREAM DROP DISTANCE
Nomura: [sets posterboard down] and THATāS the whole plot so far
Staff: but that doesnāt evenā¦make anyā¦oh god. Oh god. there are hints about these things in the past FOUR games. how many drugs are you on??
Nomura: yes
KH CHI
Nomura: you know, Iāve always wanted to make a KH MMOā¦
Staff: what?? but that would be so much work to update and maintain
Nomura: donāt worry, weāll keep it really simple, itāll be a piece of cake. we wonāt even release it outside of japan
UNCHAINED X
Staff: YOU SAID WE WOULDNāT RELEASE CHI OUTSIDE OF JAPAN
Nomura: weāre not. weāre remaking it as a cell phone gameā
Staff: WE ALREADY MADE AND THEN REMADE A CELL PHONE GAME
Nomura: āand releasing that outside of japan. alsoĀ weāre gonna keep updating it concurrently with the original browser game, because of reasons.
Staff: you promisedā¦..youād keep it simpleā¦.
Nomura: well i accidentally a lot of plot so
2.8 PROLOGUE FINAL CHAPTER
Staff: sir this is. this is literally not even a real game. itās a game remake and a random movie and a half-game you wanted to make like five years ago. how did you get this approved when weāre supposed to be making kh3
Nomura: oh it was pretty easy, i just explained the idea to the president the same way I just did to you guys
Staff: and he said yes???
Nomura: well he signed the budget request while crying and saying āplease just go awayā
Staff: oh my god Nomura-san we thought you were dead, youāve been locked in your office working on the KH3 script for two weeks
Nomura: itās fine, I didnāt sleep or anything. now check it out, Iāve got everything ready! KH3 is gonna give everybody just what theyāve always wanted
Staff: more Disney worlds than ever before? tightly-crafted, well-balanced gameplay? kairi finally getting to do something?
Nomura: lmao no none of that, itās all minigames and shit. but it does haveā¦..THIS.
[holds up last page of script]
Staff: mother of godā¦ā¦the legends were trueā¦..
Staff: you CAN write a satisfying conclusion to a story where all the characters wind up happy and most of the plot threads are tied up?!?!
Nomura: yāall ever done so much cocaine that it changes your whole personality



















