sensory; centered ☾

writing. spaces.

[niqhtliqht]

Maybe that night I could have asked you to stay

to love with a little more fury

But who am I to request passion from an idle crater

That elsewhere erupts and flows

freely

[niqhtliqht]

I am so cold

I am outside myself

You crumbled and fell away

Like rubble loosening underfoot quickstarting

A landslide in the quarry

like a keycard

Tapping on the mirror crushing shards of K Mimicking heartbeats per minute

I try to compartmentalise why I spiral

Why my best friend’s boyfriend telling me I handle my drugs so well almost sounds like “good girl”

and feels like a deliberate hold

on the back of my neck

exuding energy the way you never could

Why it makes me thunder inside the way he says it’s my turn to lower my third eye

to receive a different kind of communion

Delighted for the extra point he challenges me with

I vacuum lavishly with ease

he remarks, ‘goddamn’

and smile-swallows postnasal drip that

I wish I could taste

All six foot something of human crack rock

nestled cosy in my tastebuds beside three tabs of lsd

We lay outside in the grass by the quarry

I am so warm

I am outside myself

[niqhtliqht]

You’re still easy to locate

Months after we ended I dissolved your hair from the shower drain

I soaked your spilled cologne from the carpets and packed the reminents of you away

I romanticised a liar in your wake

And had to leave my home to finally wring you from my hands

But still you linger inside of me

If I pulled at it hard enough your memory would unravel like thread

Wild and tangled on my bedroom floor under ochre fairy lights

Our bodies glowing the colour of earth

I had you slowly, all at once and then not at all

Just a blip in time where we settled down

The search for adventure swollen and aching for rest

But Virgos don’t find love it finds us

It swells from the earth and roots us in place

Like the incline of your shoulder blades pressed deep into my pillows slowly rising

I had to pull myself up from the ground in order to grow away from you

- earth signs // a.m

[niqhtliqht]

Men will train you to come only when called for, but long for you across oceans like belligerent sirens expecting to lure you deep

What do you want?

What do you want with me?

What do you want from me?

— conquest // a.m

[niqhtliqht]

We create these invisible barriers, right?

A vacuum seal wrenching the air from your lungs

Chest gaping open and shredded

Containing the solar system of an absent love

When you near the threshold but hesitate

A frozen giant on the anti-hero’s journey

Void period of revelation and atonement

suspended here in reverie

Is it a punishment for situationship culture?

To be seen in communal spaces staking your claim

Hostile glimpses across the abyss of death and rebirth

Through the looking glass and lipstick stains

Grip and solder the tissue tethering us still

Electric sparks sent through our shoulder’s touch

Our kinetic energy is a dying nebula

A static explosion becomes a galactic crutch

- Hallions / a.m

[deeplystained]

“I butterfly it like trout. Slide my knife through the mountain ridge of little bones. Lay it flat. Turn it over and over. And yes, I cried cleaning what we had. Found that exhaustion is looking hard for the hesitation in your voice like it is biological specimen. Or evidence. Like you becoming another thing not loving me back is part of some terrible crime scene.”

— astagesetforcatastrophe, butterfly the messages (via astagesetforcatastrophe)

[niqhtliqht]

The problem I have with myself is that I do not listen to signs,  that I could collate a playlist for every boy who has ever left a lasting impression,  for those who have not spared me a single thought since the last song

partial hearing // a.m 

[niqhtliqht]

Don’t approach me Eyes sweetly glaring Blue linen dresses with dandelions and hair clips and brooches Religion scares me I kneel I am in the children’s section I am next to my grandmother Hymn book slipping down my mouth opens for the priest tongue laid flat Mingling perfumes lining tables with checkered cloths and baked goods I am empty I fill myself too much are we counting money or sins in this sacristy holding down shame

do re mi / a.m

[niqhtliqht]

And I’m asking you things like, did you lock the screen door? as we stumble up from my back step, back inside and into my bed, soaring and grasping for each other. We were in love back then. It’s almost a year since we flew to the ocean and the Queensland heat got to you and your hands never strayed far from my body like magnet skin, opposites attracting, thick with pressure. We really were so in love. Honestly. I could find myself in any state and still be reaching for you. All fingers and full lips and curls. Green eyes. Warm. I’m high and alone with the heater on, it’s not the same. You did lock the door.

a.m - it was love, at best

[niqhtliqht]

One day you’ll find yourself looking into that baby’s eyes and lose purpose. You won’t see yourself anymore, not in features or in her as an extension of your heart. Empty chest and hands, striped sheets around that girl’s striped, stained body. She’ll hold tight, anything goes; you’ll miss the home you built in somebody else

this is the last thing i will ever write about you // a.m

[madgirlf]

I wonder how long it will take for me to stop dreaming of you. if I had known how long this love would stick to my skin, would I still have started it? yes. yes. a thousand times yes.

Fortesa Latifi (via madgirlf)

[niqhtliqht]

it was all centred around you; a boy, or a secretive art

sensory, centred // a.m

[niqhtliqht]

It's not you in a real sense. In a real sense I couldn't give a fuck about you. It's you in a metaphysical sense, it’s the concept in general. This isn’t about you as a physical person. As a physical person, you're kind of a prick. You could be anyone. I’ve forgotten what you look like by now. It's just the principle of it — the cause and effect of wanting something I can’t have.

metaphysics and tantrums // a.m

[niqhtliqht]

I found a home in him, but I’ve moved so many times in my life that it made sense for the boy to only be temporary.

‘L’ // a.m

[prosebyday]

“We find love in empty gas tanks when the price is on the rise I’ll drive and stay past dark no matter how unwise You visit me in coffee shops, Our paychecks waste away. Your backseat is a blanket fort I want to hold you every day.”

— 25 miles

[tbfhprincess]

“My feelings for you were like a pendulum. Because I fell in love with you so hard and experienced so much happiness when we were together, I am now paying deeply for the other side of being apart from you. But I swear, once my heart is still again, I will let you go.”

— Excerpt from a book I’ll never write

[4am-reflections]

“All I want is some answers. Just some goddamn answers.”

— Coffee talk #1// 4am