Anyone who told me to let loose doesn't know that I have a high chance of either getting admitted to a psych ward or arrested if I ever let loose
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@no-good-thoughts
Anyone who told me to let loose doesn't know that I have a high chance of either getting admitted to a psych ward or arrested if I ever let loose
hey. don’t cry. crush two cloves of garlic into a pot with a dollop of olive oil and stir until golden then add one can of crushed tomatoes a bit of balsamic vinegar half a tablespoon of brown sugar half a cup of grated parmesan cheese and stir for a few minutes adding a handful of fresh spinach until wilted and mix in pasta of your choice ok?
PEACE AND LOVE!!!!!!!!
eldest daughters should be allowed to let out the most visceral, disturbing, ugly, feral noises at least once in their lives without judgement. today i am merely vocalising as a deer who is being slaughtered because being the eldest daughter is genuinely exhausting.
Sometimes I'd say to myself, "If it were not for my love for reading, I would never survive until now.'
It rly hurt as an eldest daughter realizing at an extremely young age that ur parents can’t rly be parents, and feeling like it’s ur duty to care for ur siblings so that they never feel as shitty as u felt and never get as damaged as u did. it’s rly hard when all u wanna do is just leave and start a whole new life just for urself, but u feel like u can’t just leave ur siblings in the hands of ppl who won’t know how to handle them properly. u feel like u can’t leave those same ppl to their own devices either, bc u realized how hurt and vulnerable they rly are, how they’re just like kids and need someone to talk to(especially ur mother), how they are failed. even if they treated u like shit, u as an eldest daughter took the time to see where all their anger came from, even if they never did the same to understand u as u did for them. as an eldest daughter u feel u owe them the happiness that u think they got depraved of bc of u, even if they never showed u an ounce of that compassion like u do them. so then u realize u will probably always be split between this crushing feeling of duty as an eldest sister/daughter, and wanting to be ur own free person, the way u never got to be. it’s realizing ur too scared to leave, bc u don’t know if u could handle the guilt, the pain of feeling like ur selfish, like u betrayed the ppl who need u most, like u failed at ur job of being there for them, like u broke the family bc u had the burden of holding it together. it sucks when no one ever acknowledges the amount of mental energy, how much of urself u lose, how much pain and damage u sustain of being the one thing holding the family together, the only person who even bothers to be there for everyone, even if ur the one who got the most mistreatment and got failed over and over again. how much pure strength it takes, when ur not even there for urself, when u loathe urself to no end, when ur constantly on the edge of just giving up, when ur barely functioning to keep urself together.
To all eldest daughters and sisters: I see you. I see you, and I know how fucking hard it is. You were always doing an amazing job, even if this job wasn’t yours to do. I’m sorry u got failed. I’m sorry u feel invisible and like u have to be perfect just to get crumbs of acknowledgment. I acknowledge you. I wish u find happiness, I wish u find urself. I wish u will find ppl that would love u unconditionally, that would acknowledge you, make you feel special. Because you are special. You deserve all the love and happiness in the world.
I actually think eldest daughters should be allowed at least one instance in their entire lives to just completely lose their shit
i love my mother. i really do. There isn't a thing i would not do for her
To keep that child like joy in her heart , that warm smile on her aging face and those loving blurry eyes on me forever
But sometimes im tired. Im tired of listening about the baggage that she has been carrying around like a school bag from her childhood
Im tired of hearing about all the grudges she has been holding onto like a hand
Im tired of comforting her about her deepest insecurities as if our bodies and souls don't share the same outline
Im tired of her reciting the most heart rending memories of her life to me as if they were bedtime stories
Im tired of revisiting those ghost houses and remembrances of people with hearts made of plastic through her anecdotes
Im tired of not knowing what to do or how to take her pain away, so for once the roles are reversed where she gets to sleep like a child and i get to worry like a mother
and mostly im tired of living her grief twice because what is a daughter if not the extension of her mothers despair ?
-ambika
having 'mommy issues' with a present mom is so weird because like.
i love the idea of having a mom. we never get along. i fucked up because you hurt me. stop being my mom, please. i don't want to hate you. i don't think i hate you. i love you. i'm glad you're alive. leave me alone. i hate you. i'm sorry i messed up. you deserve better than me. i want a better mom. i don't deserve a better mom. i know it isn't your fault. you're just as hurt as i am. please stop. i can't be in the same room as you. i'm glad you're there. it's not the same. i want to leave. this is home. the chaos feelings like home. i want a mom. i'm sorry i tried standing up for myself. you were right. please change your ways. be kinder to me. i should be nicer to you. stop this. don't. please leave. don't go. i want a mom. i'm glad you're here. i wish you were present in my life more. don't get in my life now. i don't need you. i can't do this without you. i'm sorry. please forgive me. i did nothing wrong. it's not your fault either. i want to escape this. i don't want to leave. i'm tied to this burning tree. you lit it on fire. but you've been tied before me.
reblog to let people know you were here before the great twitter migration
Whenever Americans use Cryillic like. That. I just. Instantly shrivel up an cry
Like idk how to tell you this but н isnt h and и isnt n
It’s true and you should say it.
Я isnt R
Р isnt P
В isnt B
If you want to explain, what does it mean then? 0.0
н makes n sound,и makes ee sound, я makes ya sound, р makes r sound, в makes v sound
you mean, like, ня?
oh no. It can be made with Cyrillic now
WHAT HAVE YOU DONE, YOU SHOULDN’T HAVE EXPLAINED
OH. GOD.
THATS SO FUNNY
my little brother came into my room and told me that there was water all over the bathroom floor so i got up and grabbed a towel and ran into the bathroom to find all of my water energy pokemon cards sprawled out on the floor this kid is 5 fucking years old and he got me
do you think this is a fucking game (because he does)
THIS POST IS TWO YEARS OLD NOW. MAX IS 7. IT DIES DOWN FOR LIKE HALF A YEAR AND THEN SUDDENLY IT KICKS BACK UP AGAIN I HATE THIS POST
this post is now 5 years old. Max is 10 and i hope he’s still schemin’
There’s so much potential in this genre of joke. “There’s a fire in the kitchen!” etc.
#max is thirteen now :(
i find it so genuinely hilarious that my little brothers age is measurable on tumblr specifically by people who have seen this post. i moved out a while ago but i know that he would love how often his dorky ass joke gets passed around on here. thank you all very much.
You know it’s just a matter of time until he tells you it’s muggy out
That feeling when you're supposed 15 minutes nap feels suspiciously like an hour nap because you have some kaleidoscope-esque dream and then you kinda jerk yourself awake, in which you got a headache and the inability to distinguish reality and dream
I have headaches from time to time which mainly stems from my messy sleeping schedule or some other problems that I have, so nowadays when I have a severe headache I'd like to play a game to figure out the source of my headache:
And so why am I having such a bad headache today??? Is it option
A. I didn't eat enough
B. I didn't sleep enough
C. I didn't drink enough water
D. Or is it just my body's way of compensating the wave of depression and anxiety that I've been holding on for a while due to how busy I am
And it's kinda fun to figure out which is it, because sometimes there are the fifth option that I failed to realize, because the other day I figure out that my one of my headache happened because I just got vaccinated.
All in all I think I'm fine
Oh to be a cat sitting prettily on a roof amidst the falling petals
How I deal with Retuo’s second phase most of the time, because you won’t die quickly if you keep healing