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Commentary

[no-sponsor]

I get it. Your corporate avatar is a bear.

No need to make it weird.

[no-sponsor]

Hard seltzer variety packs always have that one flavor that makes you wonder who was in the test market.

[no-sponsor]

They must be the same people who brush their teeth and follow it up with a glass of orange juice.

"I'm sorry Mrs Neidemier, but you're the only one who liked the grapefruit/hibiscus seltzer."

[no-sponsor]

Hard seltzer variety packs always have that one flavor that makes you wonder who was in the test market.

[dragon-in-a-fez]

just got this ad on my dash:

[anais-ninja-bitch]

@adnopes

[cipheramnesia]

Finally an add for Tumblr's target audience.

[destinyrush]

We should stop buying iPhones and eating avocado toasts so we can buy diamonds, houses and eat at BWW and Applebee’s 

[theblackmillennial]

Their food ain’t even that great. Why get subpar, fast food when I can get something healthier, tastier, and/or more financially reasonable?

[criminaljustish]

Why am I gonna go to BDubs for overpriced low quality food when I can freeze a ton of chicken to ration out over months, throw together some veggies, and mix my own spices for like a third of the cost?

[buffythevampiregayer]

Plus even if I’m going to spend money on going out I’m not going to spend $12.99 on what’s basically a box mix, I’m going to try to go to a local business that serves good food, often with way lower in sodium and fats, instead of a major corporation serving mediocre food

[parlezvousladybug]

I just…these articles keep getting stupider. I’m not even a millennial and I’m fucking sick of them. PAY PEOPLE A LIVING WAGE. OH AND HOW ABOUT UNIVERSAL HEALTHCARE AND MAYBE AFFORDABLE QUALITY EDUCATION. MAYBE THEN PEOPLE WILL BUY YOUR SHITTY FUCKING FOOD.

VIVA LA FUCKING AVOCADO TOAST.

[imploder]

Maybe it’s because Applebee’s is fucking shit.

[siderealsandman]

Applebees: Can it be that our food just isn’t good? Applebees: No, it’s the millennials that are wrong

[hashtagloveloses]

maybe i wanna eat my wings in front of netflix instead of 500 screens each playing a different sport at the same time

[pharmdup]

That last comment made me slam the reblog button

[no-sponsor]

I once heard Applebee's described as "when you just don't feel like microwaving your own frozen food".

[shutupmerlin]

Hello @staff I would like to make a formal complaint that my tumblr ads are no longer funny and nonsensical, but annoyingly frequent and boring. I demand you bring back the frog with a knife. I want to pour vinegar on bread.

[no-sponsor]

Are the Tumblr ads moving to Twitter now?

[tearlessrain]

somehow knowing that tumblr is being kept around mostly as a testing ground for advertisers and corporations doesn’t even make me feel that exploited, because every social media site is exploitive. but being basically lab rats to test shit on before it’s refined for use in polite society is by far the funniest possible way to be exploited.

[spartanlocke]

#yeah maybe i’m a marketing lab rat but at least my dash is in fucking chronological order

[raesoldblogg-deactivated2022032]

this ad appeared right after i read this post.

so yeah, they’re testing something, but in true lab rat fashion we have no fucking clue what

[aconstantstateofbladerunner]

[phantomrose96]

I love tumblr. I love that tumblr is the best social media site of 2021.

Every other site has spent the last decade perfecting the art of targeted ads. I am a wallet of flesh and blood which must be stripped bare and profiled and picked apart for the maximally efficient way to squeeze profit from my presence. Every other site will fold and morph itself to a shape of my liking - like a fairy tale trickster stealing memories and taking their mold - to lull me into compliance and loosen my coin purse.

Facebook sees me searching fitness equipment and injects my timeline with athletic wear ads. Reddit profiles the subreddits I follow and eagerly promotes a new coding bootcamp or cloud service at every turn. Google overhears me lamenting over my moving to-do list on voice call and fills in my “how much to tip movers” query before I’ve gotten the third word typed out.

Tumblr never even tried.

They could have. The information is there. The basic infrastructure, presumably, exists. Tumblr can recommend me tags based on tags I follow, blogs based on blogs I follow, even posts that for one reason or another may strike my fancy. Tumblr could be - SHOULD be - funneling this framework into advertising, as the only means that free-to-use social media platforms can turn a profit in our capitalistic hellscape.

They just don’t.

Today I saw an ad for treating Hyperhidrosis - a condition, I think, in which a person sweats too much - and I saw it twice, four posts apart, and it is so incredibly benignly impersonally ineptly untargeted toward me compared to all other pinpoint-aimed advertising that I’m endeared to it. Tumblr knows NOTHING about me. 8 years, 51,000 likes, and tumblr has not learned a THING about me.

Advertisements for a mattress? Shitty mobile game ads that don’t make even the slightest pretense at being anything other than a candy crush rip-off? Choose-your-own adventure games either about Royal Espionage or Choosing The Wrong Dress For Your Date with ZERO in-between.

And then this. This here. The culmination, the crown-jewel of tumblr’s nihilistic non-compliance with the state of social media advertising. Any pretense of capitalistic exchange is abandoned at the gas station by the side of the road. This is not a company. This is not a product. This is not anything that fulfills the contract of consumer and seller. 

THIS. THIS IS WHAT TUMBLR HAS TO OFFER INSTEAD.

“Pour vinegar on your bread, fuck you.”

“Put it in the garbage, fuck you.”

“Your wife says you’re a fucking dumbass, fuck you.”

That’s it. That’s the advertisement. You vinegar-breadless cuck. You virgin extraordinaire bereft of bread and garbage can. I am fucking your wife right now in our vinegar-soaked motel bed. She puffs a cigarette which I pulled from the trashcan and we both laugh heartily at her recounts of your immasculine ineptitude. I don’t want your money. I don’t want anything from you. Fuck you. 

Amazing. Amazing. What a state of things to ring in 2021. What a great platform we all collectively choose to be on.

[wordsaremylife]

This. This is a huge part of why I spent most of my 2020 social media time here and not fucking facebook. Cheers to stupid ads, funny people, caring about each other though I could literally bump into you on the street and not know it, saying what we really think, screaming into the void and being heard but not judged. Love you all.

[meanplastic]

[wiselwisel]

[runcibility]

REAL WHIPPED CREAM IS JUST DOING THE BEST THAT IT CAN, OKAY?

[just-shower-thoughts]

In the State Farm commercial ‘Never’, a man professes he will never get married, have kids, or buy a minivan, but does all those things. The last thing he says is “I’m never letting go”, implying he’s about to abandon his family.

[anarchopuppy]

Online advertising uses over 100 TWh of electricity per year, about 1/10th the consumption of the entire internet, and produces about 60 megatons of CO2 as of 2016

Junk mail destroys over 100 million trees every year in the US alone. 44% of junk mail is discarded without even being opened, and only about 22% is recycled

Each digital billboard consumes about 30 times more energy than the average American household, and there are almost 9,000 just in the US

All of this for an industry that objectively makes people’s lives worse, that everyone openly hates, whose only goal is to manipulate people to buy things that they by definition do not need. And this isn’t even including TV and radio ads, conventional billboards, posters, construction, maintenance, design, all the countless hours of labor spent polluting our public spaces and our minds with the sole purpose of making the rich richer

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

[googlemenot-deactivated20230921]

[fdsfjdsfjkf93723679267-deactiva]

i think its very sexy how millennials are very anti-ad. like. ads were invented to encourage us to buy stuff. but me and all my friends? if we see an ad for something it fills us with rage. a pure hatred. if you interrupt my twitch stream or my stupid TV show for you stupid product i will hate you product for the end of time. i will spit on it whenever i see it. your ad doesn’t work on me. it doesn’t make me want to buy your shitty thing. it makes me want to piss on your shitty thing. fuck you ad companies. 

[fdsfjdsfjkf93723679267-deactiva]

ad companies: i know what we’ll do. we’ll make short video segments that show our product is a positive way so we live an invisible, subconscious imprint on the viewers mind that our product is Good, so that when they see it when they are out they’re more inclined to buy it

millennials: i dont drink monster, no. i was trying to watch an esports twitch stream and every 10 seconds monster got advertised to me. now everytime i see or think about monster, i am filled with a vile rage. i will never drink monster as long as i lie. i fucking hate monster so much

[no-sponsor]

I've finally accepted the fact that I will never get a corporate sponsorship.