cuteness aggression is at an 11
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@noahkahant
cuteness aggression is at an 11
Imagine you have a CONCUSSION and you’ve had OPIOIDS and you’re GAY and you look up and Ilya Rozanov FAMOUS hockey player and YOUR SECRET LOVER strolls in looking gorgeous
these idiots are living rent free in my head
ILYA "HOLEMATIZED" ROZANOV.
shane hollander, eight years old. paint me a picture.
... I don't know probably just having fun
the birth of venus
Boston Raiders watching the Tampa All-Star game highlights after Ilya kisses Shane all giddy, thinking, who the fuck is that guy? Because that jolly guy on the screen? Expression so different he doesn't even resemble their captain? He'd been a complete psycho lunatic the past couple months. Unbearable. And now he's giggling at Shane Hollander???
SHANE WEEK | day 1: favourite moment
EXTREMELY funny universe possibility in which ilya in tuna melt was just a liiiittle further along in being ready to consciously think of shane as more than a hook-up (not ready to admit to it being love yet, but he can admit to himself "yes, it's different and more fun and better with you, more than anyone else, and i would like to have more of that"), and then tuna melt doesn't happen because ilya is just a little too overwhelmed to say anything, which means that it ends with shane staying all night and ilya getting to experience sleeping next to him and waking up the next morning next to him. and it's. yeah. he wants this always. he will NOT say that.
but.
he does throw out what HE thinks is a statement about them maybe being more than hookups and would shane want to do that. but he couches it in SO much protective language so he can "haha got you" if shane reacts badly that shane doesn't. actually. catch what he meant.
so what ilya was saying was, "hey, what if we tried out being just a little bit more than casual? i like being with you, and last night was really fun. maybe we see if we can have that more often?" with an overture of like. maybe friends with benefits. because he's not ready to admit to himself or shane that he wants to be dating-dating, but he and svetlana are best friends who fuck. he and shane could also be friends who fuck. and it's definitely FRIENDSHIP he feels for shane. just friendship. and if it's friendship that's maybe dating a little bit, well...do you wanna?
but what SHANE got out of this is, "it was fun to stay over, and the morning sex was really great. do you want to start staying over with each other when we can so we can do it again?" and the First Name Fiasco didn't happen, and shane's had a little time to settle into this new level in a way that's made it pretty comfortable, and he LOVES clear plans. how nice. :) we can make this agreement now and not have to discuss it each time in the future. :) now he'll know exactly what to expect each time. :) his very casual fuckbuddy will just stay over, and he'll stay over at his place, and now they've made this plan very clear. :)
(jesus christ, shane)
and emboldened by shane being so amiable in his agreement, ilya hits him with a, "see you in the rink, shane," as he's leaving, and shane *surprise blink* as he processes, but before he can freak out, ilya finds his expression so cute that he HAS to tease him, so hits him with a, "sorry you're about to lose, but at least you had a good night before, yes?" and oh you MOTHERFUCKER >:). okay. first name is just part of the teasing. alright. "in your fucking dreams, ilya." and what shane means is "you wanna play mind games, i'll play mind games, pal" but what ilya got was "yeah, i'm moving with you here and first names are good now."
so moving forward, ilya bit by bit settles into them dating (and yes, with time, it is accurate to call it that). and HE thinks shane is operating under the same, "let's see if we can be something more together" exploration, so he assumes that shane going along with it. and from shane's pov, ilya is suddenly texting a lot and using his first name, and it's really nice, but kind of confusing, but also he had that upsetting call about his dad?? so maybe stuff is just hard at home and he just needs a friend?? and he doesn't know if they're friends, per se, but maybe shane is just a safe place to have other secrets live, too?? what's "hey, i'm having a hard time with my family and just need someone to send dumb memes back and forth with" between two ultra-secret fuckbuddies, after all?
and rose does enter the picture at some point, but things with ilya are good, and he does like rose and part of him wonders if he should try out dating her, but even if he and ilya aren't A Thing...it's really nice with him right now. and shane knows that dating someone else would mean giving it up because he wouldn't feel right fucking around and cheating. so he and rose do end up becoming friends (and because they text regularly, shane even sends ilya a text that night of, "I think I'm friends with a celebrity now?? do I get cool points for that??" and gets a "no, you get cool points for nothing ever. you are too uncool. you are uncool black hole where cool points go to die." "okay, fuck you. i was going to ask if you wanted anyone's autograph, but just for that, fuck you, asshole. 🖕" "what if i want yours?" "why do you want mine?" "you are my favorite celebrity. ❤️" "i thought i was boring." "yes, you are famous for how boring you are. is really quite impressive." *devolution into sexting and then video calling for sex*), but that's it.
until rose increasingly sees shane smiling at his phone when they're hanging out and manages to teasingly coax it out of him by dropping hints and comments and finally just going, "you don't have to tell me, but if it's because she's actually a he, that's okay, shane." so shane has his realization of yes he's gay, and also yes, he's in love with ilya. and obviously he and ilya have never really had a conversation about it (jesus christ, shane), but maybe?? he would be interested?? they get along really well and shane likes being with him, and they know by now that they're really good sharing space and being together. and you know what? fuck it. he's going to be brave and do it. he's going to ask ilya if he wants to try dating each other.
...to which ilya, after being asked this, just, "...??!! what did YOU think we've been doing this whole fucking time????"
need to see shane and ilya play wrestling in a non-sexual context because ONE they are jock bros and play wrestling should be a natural part of their dynamic TWO did you see ilya pretending to do an elbow drop on svetlana. imagine him with someone who’s actually going to wrestle him back and can match his size and strength. they’re breaking furniture for sure. THREE whenever we see them get handsy/pushy with each other it’s as a prelude to sex so shane isn’t really fighting back but that man is also a competitive freak and i want to see him genuinely trying to win. you know he’s biting ilya at least once.
the notion of shane as "team mom" of the centaurs is obviously problematic in many ways but most importantly shane has never gone out of his way to give a shit about a teammate in his life. he's the main character and the rest of his team are Also There
I think it would have been so fun and enriching for both Shane and Rose to have a little more time with Shane's situationship before the Hollanov Soft Launch. Neither of them ever went to college. They barely went to high school. They've been locked in on their respective high-intensity low-privacy careers since they were fifteen. Shane has been fucking with a fuckboi for seven years without ANYONE to talk to about it. Rose is just as starved for genuine human connection as Shane is.
They should have been given time to sit on Shane's couch while Rose plays Twenty Questions trying to get to the bottom of who Shane is fucking.
Shane should have told Rose about the Tampa hotel room and Rose should have hit him with a pillow and said, "NO. The fuck boy does NOT have a heart of gold, Shane Hollander."
Shane should have had the opportunity to text Rose, "I'm making a bad choice," and then two hours later, "Fuck I am DONE I am NEVER doing this again" because Ilya got up to shower too quickly and Shane hurt his own feelings about it.
There should be a series of texts in Rose and Shane's history that just say, "Relapsed," all of them sent at three in the morning accompanied by a selfie of Shane in Ilya's fuckass navy blue sheets. Rose's habitual response is Not a relapse if you never stopped 😐
They should have met up after Shane was up all night getting just absolutely railed into the mattress and Rose should have reached across the table to lift up Shane's hangover sunglasses and said, "That dick better be unbelievable," and Shane should have miserably said, "It is."
Shane should have gone incommunicado for four days after telling Rose that he was going to spend a long weekend in Boston and finally when Rose texts him a screen shot of an LAX -> BOS flight list and the words, "Proof of life or else." Shane just responds with a picture of Ilya's back turned and his hair a mess as he rummages in a cabinet for coffee beans. Rose responds, Whore. And then, two minutes later, Tell the fuck boy I said hi.
Canon divergent AU where Shane is a little more paranoid and when Hayden first comments on "Boston Lily", he decides he has to do something to break up the pattern and make it not so noticeable that he's got someone on Boston.
Not seeing Rozanov is not an option, so instead Shane picks out a few other cities to regularly go out by himself in. He'll go for a long walk, maybe sit down somewhere for a drink, and then catch a taxi back to the hotel an appropriate amount of time later. It's honestly pretty nice, unwinding by himself in this way, and now disappearing after games is not a thing specific to Boston! It's just another strange Hollander quirk!
Unfortunately, he fails to account for the guys on the team jumping on the most obvious explanation for all these disappearances, which is that Shane now has a girl in every port.
Word about this starts to spread quick, because it is so out of character for Shane, and pretty soon half the league is under the impression that he's some secret playboy.
Ilya is extremely not chill about this rumor.
@scunthotter
help 😭😭 ilya's playing 4d chess to keep his man to himself and meanwhile shane's like "it's so nice having ilya with me on my little walks 🥰"
Ilya's back appreciation post
smoosh /smuːʃ/ verb, informal to squash, crush, or push objects faces together into a confined space
Never change, Huddy