sometimes I wonder what the point of living is. Sometimes i wonder why I'm here. But then I think about the time I decided to talk to this girl at camp. She was from my church, and we had just gotten there. I went up to and asked how she was doing. She said she was fine, but I felt like I needed to dig deeper. Before I process what I was saying, "how are things at home," came spilling out of my mouth.
She started sobbing. She ended up talking to one of the counselors, and then I didn't see her the rest of the week. I felt really bad.
Then about a month later, she came up to me and thanked me for talking to her at camp. I literally had only ever said 2 sentences to this girl, and I made an impact on her.
I think back to fifth grade. We were on the playground for recess, and I notice this group of kids messing with a girl a few grades below me, because she had a walker. No one around them were doing anything, so I walked up and told them to stop. One of the kids tried pushing me, but I grabbed his arms and restrained him. Told him to leave her alone. They never messed with her again, and whenever the girl saw me she'd smile and wave at me.
I think about a literature class I took where there was a lot of whole class discussion. I'd talk about what my experiences were, and about what I got from the books, and about what my other classmates said. I've always been self conscious about speaking in front of people on account of me being autistic. But the topics that came up were important to me, so I spoke anyway. One day after class, one of my fellow autistic classmates, who was easily 15 years older than me, came up to me and asked "How did you get so good at speaking?" which took me by surprise. I told her how I've never really been comfortable speaking, but I have a unique experience, and sharing things from my point of view can help others gain knowledge, and that it can let others add to your knowledge. From that point on, she started speaking up more in class.
I think about the discord server I made as a joke, that has evolved into a place where people who didn't have anyone to talk to, now have a safe community of people. A server that allowed me to connect with people all over the world.
I think about my brother's sibling who never really felt like they belonged anywhere, and how when they started coming over, they immediately felt welcomed, and loved. And about how I have a unique connection with them because I'm the only queer one in this house, and they too are queer.
I've come to realize we're not here for ourselves. We're here for others, whether we know it or not. No matter how insignificant you might feel, someone needs you. Someone looks up to you. Every interaction you have has the potential to leave a mark on someone. Try to make that mark a good one