The Pink Lighter made me ship sashisu, but what made you ship sashisu?
awesome question. okay... oversharing session with nosferatuix right before work at 6:47 am, it is
i got into jjk while i was trying to find something to sink my claws into during my second year of uni because i had just lost all of my friends and fixating on media has always saved me from the dissatisfaction with life. and it started with me taking one good look at suguru, reading his arc and going, holy shit this guy is both my type personified AND animated and i also completely relate to him, give me more of him. and while reading the hidden inventory and shibuya arc, i unintentionally ended up diving into a bottomless shoko well because there was so little material of her & ravaged through tumblr and twitter and ao3 to see if there were any others who related to her and/or wanted to know more about her. satoru was trickier, everyone loved him but interpreting/analyzing his behavior was always difficult but i have an entp friend who acts almost exactly as he does so... enough projections were made, that's what's up here.
as for their relationship with each other, like i said, i was very lonely back then and craved an unconventional and odd friendship with people i'd always come back to. the reason i'm specifiying it as an unconventional friendship and why i've also never explored their relationship through a strictly romantic/poly lens is partly due to my own projections, i'd just experienced something that made me repulsed from all forms of traditional romance and relationships of sexual nature and i was just obsessed with the idea of relationships that are not clearly defined by any norms or rules – just people loving people, never completely being able to be one without another, completely understanding of each other's nature and never owing anyone an explanation as to why they are the way they are, not even to each other. oddly enough, halfway through writing 220k words of this mumbo-jumbo, i practically found myself in a 3-person-unconventional-friend-group and it ended up being the awesome coincidence that all three of us were all freaks of nature and also lonely, just in different ways. and believe it or not, i would've never even met either of them despite existing in literal physical spaces with them before we knew each other, if i hadn't started writing the pink lighter when i did. i've been confronted by that period of my life a bit too frequently these days, haunted even, so that's why i wanted to share this on here – and despite starting my sashisu obsession to run or heal myself from a horrible experience, i never find myself wishing things were any different.
tldr: i sashisu'd so hard i got a sashisu of my own
the 20 somethings literally yearn for the disco culture to be revived and you're laughing. HEAVY EMPHASIS ON DISCO. i don't want charlie xcx i want a glittery spinning ball on top of my head and bee gees and flared jeans and hair held together with enough hairspray to catch fire when i light a cigarette near it
I've already said this before but a fully redeemed Old Azula in The Legend of Korra could've genuinely been the funniest character in the entire Avatar franchise without even trying.
Like, Zuko goes to get her in Book 3 so she can help him with the Red Lotus thing and once she appears there's this tense moment and her scary theme (you know which one) starts playing, only to for her to ask him if he wants some tea and reveal that they're now chill with each other. She goes to the North Pole with him, Tonraq, Eska and Desna and the elevator scene in which they talk about trying becomes a thousand times more awkward when she mentions how she was actually successful at killing Aang but he only lasted like, 3 minutes dead. Then when the Earth Queen is already dead and the news come out everyone is like "how could all these people sneak into Ba Sing Se and take down the government just like that?" And Azula is like "I mean I did it when I was 14, it's actually not hard" and when everyone stares at her she adds "not the time, sorry". The Red Lotus captures Korra and it's revealed what their plan is and Azula berates it saying it's a poor strategy to attack the Avatar in the AS upfront if they want to succeed and that they should go for a sneak attack and everyone stares at her again and Azula says "sorry, this is bad, I get it" She is surprisingly chill with Bolin and gets along with Meelo for some reason.
Shoko spends a lot of sleepless nights staring at the moon.
Her, the moon, a lighter, and a bad decision.
It's quiet. Shoko likes the quiet. You wouldn't think this with how much she hangs around Satoru, but she does.
Suguru joins her, sometimes.
_______
on shoko, satoru, suguru and love
day seven of @sashisu-week
Ao3 Link
Moon, a hole of light
Through the big top tent up high
Here before and after me
Shinin' down on me
————————
Shoko spends a lot of sleepless nights staring at the moon.
Her, the moon, a lighter, and a bad decision.
It's quiet. Shoko likes the quiet. You wouldn't think this with how much she hangs around Satoru, but she does. (Satoru incessant chatter is different from other noises though. It's a steady background hum, an anchor. She's grown used to it, so much so that the world feels off balance when something finally, finally shuts him up.
When Satoru stops talking, she's learned that's when you start to worry.)
The quiet’s been her friend since she was young. It sheltered her in quiet stairwells and in a house where the air was unwelcoming. It gave her much needed reprieve.
Her, the moon, a cigarette, and the quiet. If she closes her eyes, she can almost imagine she's at her father's house again.
Almost.
Suguru joins her, sometimes. They never speak, only wordlessly pass a cigarette or two between them. She finds her way to the roof and he follows, both of them leaning against the railing that wasn't there at the start of the year. Yaga's figured they come up here, she thinks. Doesn't want them to fall.
She wonders why he doesn't just tell them to stop.
Probably because it would never work.
Suguru lights his cigarettes with her own, their faces inches apart. Shoko stopped offering him a lighter, because he never took it. She thinks he does this to see if he can get a reaction out of her.
He hasn't gotten one yet, and he isn't going to. She's not easy to fluster.
So it becomes a game they play. They chainsmoke together on the roof. Shoko offers him a cigarette, Suguru lights it on her own, she doesn't react, repeat cycle.
Repeat cycle, until either the sun comes up or they run out of cigarettes. They stumble back to the dorms close to dawn, on these nights, only catching scant hours of sleep before classes begin. And Yaga will complain about two thirds of his class falling asleep during lessons, but he will not ban access to the roof. He will not tell them to stop. Instead, he will build a railing for them to lean on and for Shoko to put out her smokes.
In the morning Satoru, the early riser of their trio, will make them coffee. And Shoko, who perpetually runs on four hours of sleep no matter the day, will slump against him and allow Suguru to press her favorite mug into her hands.
(She likes using Satoru as a pillow, he's warm. Boney, yes, but in a comfortable way. But don't tell him that. It'll only serve to make his head even bigger.
She likes using Suguru as one, too, since he's just as comfortable. But in the mornings he's busy either using her or Satoru as one, his face nuzzled into one of their shoulders. Satoru works perfectly fine in his stead.)
She dozes as she listens to her classmates' low conversations, taking slow sips of her drink. Eventually their underclassmen will file in. Haibara and Nanami's voice will join the fray, the latter joining her in tiredly sipping coffee before class and the former making sure all five of them eat something.
It gets a little loud, with four voices (five, sometimes, if she wants to chime in) overlapping each other. Someone's always doing something; talking, moving, Satoru and Haibara poking and prodding at Suguru and Nanami respectively. Shoko watches through half closed eyes, sipping her coffee with a smile.
Mornings aren't quiet like her nights are, but that's fine. Shoko's grown to like the noise, too.
————————
Moon, tell me if I could
Send up my heart to you?
So when I die, which I must do
Could it shine down here with you?
————————
Suguru's dying.
He doesn't really want to die, not yet, not now, but he knows it can't be helped. His arm had been blown clean off and there's a hole in his side. Blood drips on the ground after him in a thick trail, all the way from the site of his final battle to the alleyway he finally collapses in. Every movement, every breath is pain. This is something even Reversed Cursed Technique couldn't fix.
Not that they would spare any RCT for him.
Suguru doesn't want to die, not yet, not now, with his life incomplete. But he supposes he doesn't have a choice. Especially now. Because,
Satoru's here.
He was always going to be.
Suguru doesn't want to die, but it's been a long time coming. It was written in the stars long before they even knew of each other. He thinks he maybe even deserves it. To die.
“You're late again as usual, Satoru.”
Satoru's here, he knows because he can feel his presence. He'd be able to, with or without cursed energy, with or without a decade apart. Once he felt it during their first meeting there was no way he could ever forget it. The taste of it was burned into his memory, as familiar as his own energy was.
Suguru doesn't look at him because he doesn't think he can. Moving hurts. He thinks, if Satoru doesn't get it over with soon, he's going to pass out before he gets to say his last words.
Satoru gets on with it, and
They talk. It's about everything and nothing. The past and the present all at once. The mall, the elementary school, the curses Suguru sent after his students, why Satoru sent two children to fight him. He doesn't think any of it really matters, not anymore. Yet, they talk.
It's the first proper conversation they've had in ten years.
There's a lot of things he should be saying that he isn't. They talk about the last few months instead. He doesn't know why.
It's kinda funny that they still know each other so well. That Satoru still trusts his principles. (To think, he missed Satoru so much it was an all consuming ache. And now that they're here…
Maybe his ideals were childish. Maybe he will die a coward after all.)
“I don't think I could wear a heartfelt smile in this world.” He says one thing he needs to say, and thinks it may be a lie. If Shoko and Satoru had been there, well….
Maybe.
But that chance passed a while ago.
Lots of things passed a while ago. The aforementioned chance. Suguru's youth. The idea that maybe, just maybe, he won't die young. The idea of Satoru killing him being stupid because they were the strongest. All of that's gone now.
Especially the last one. Right now, the notion sounds almost funny.
Their final conversation ends. Suguru knows its time.
Satoru crouches a few feet away from him, hands clasped between his knees. There's a look on his face, one Suguru wishes he could understand. He used to be able to, a long time ago. That season of their lives has passed, just like everything else.
“Suguru…”
.
.
.
He leans his head back against the alley wall and laughs, his cheeks dusted pink. “At least curse me a little, at the end.”
————————
'Cause my love is mine, all mine
My love mine, mine, mine
Nothing in the world belongs to me
But my love, mine, all mine, all mine
————————
“Can you do this for me?” Shoko asks, throwing her math homework on his desk. The way she says it makes it more of a demand than anything.
“If you pay me.” He asks, not even looking at the paper. Satoru is currently engrossed in Suguru's English homework, which he's doing because Suguru sucks at it and offered to pay. (He's not sure what the problem is, verbs are like, easy. He's half convinced Suguru's just faking how bad he is so he doesn't have to do it.
And Satoru doing his homework is fair, anyways. Suguru does his science homework, because he already knows all that shit and filling the worksheets out is so boring.)
“You're rich.” She says, scooting the paper closer towards him. This is true. He is rich. Very very rich. But, he's not some hapless, bullied nerd his classmates can shove their homework onto. This nepo baby knows how to bargain.
Satoru looks up at her with a scowl. “I bought you three weeks worth of cigarettes.” He didn't think Shoko would be this needy when he met her. Or lazy. Wait, no, he kinda did think she'd be lazy, but not this much.
“Asshole.” She huffs. There's no heat behind her words. Because Satoru bought her three weeks worth of cigarettes not even a full forty eight hours ago. She cannot be mad at him for at least the next week.
(Suguru had scowled and said he's promoting a bad habit. But Suguru also smokes so he's a big fat hypocrite.Plus, if Shoko doesn't smell like cigarette smoke and ash, is it really even her?)
“I'm your asshole.” He grins, fixing Suguru's subject-verb agreement.Shoko rudely wrinkles her nose at him, like he's not the man who bought her three precious weeks of tobacco. “Suguru can have you.”
“I don't want him.” Suguru calls from across the classroom, not looking up from Satoru's DS. The one he'd so rudely taken out of his hands three days ago and hasn't yet given it back yet. Apparently he wants to play through one of Satoru's various Pokémon games. (Even though the Digimon ones were obviously better.)
“Hey!” He says, whipping around. Suguru keeps playing his game, unbothered by the pout now directed at him.
Shoko taps a nail against his desk, impatient. “So, my homework?”
Satoru turns back to her with a huff. “You still need to pay me.”
“You don't need money.” She points out again. She's right, he doesn't need her money. But once again, he's a nepo baby who knows how to negotiate.
“You can pay me with something other than money, ya know.” He leans forward against the desk with a purr, making sure his sunglasses slip suavely down his face. “Suguru did~”
She raises an eyebrow. “With what? A blowjob?”
“Shoko!” Suguru yells, scandalized, like Satoru didn't make the same joke when he offered his alternative method of payment.
“I mean, if you-”
Suddenly Suguru is next to them, slapping a hand over Satoru's mouth. Shoko cackles. “Don't finish that sentence.”
“I'm not doing that, by the way.” Shoko adds.
“I didn't suck him off!” Suguru snaps.
Their classmate still does not look like she believes them. (Damn, do they really act that gay?)
“Well if you didn't suck his dick how else did you pay him?” She glances between them, expectant. He looks to Suguru, also expectant.
The lady has asked for a demonstration. It'd be rude not to give her one.
Suguru leans down, taking Satoru's lips in his. He smiles into it, expecting the kiss to be like it was last time. Gentle, sweet, and slow. It is not like this.
Suguru kisses him messy, all teeth and tongue. Satoru ends up whining into his mouth, Suguru's hands fisting at the nape of his neck. It's a hot, needy thing, this kiss is. Satoru thinks he gets a little lost in it.
Suguru didn't kiss him that hard the first time, he was definitely just showing off to Shoko. Not that he's complaining. But like woah, warn a guy first.
“Like that.” Suguru pulls away with a purr. He leaves Satoru panting and happily disoriented. “Think you can deliver?”
He recovers quickly, glancing back to the girl in front of his desk. “You don't have to if you don't want to-”
Shoko smashes their lips together before he can finish, her hands reaching out to grab his face. Satoru makes a surprised noise but kisses her back, eager.
Her lips are softer than Suguru's, less chapped. He can taste her cherry lipgloss and the peppermint gum she'd been chewing this morning. She runs her thumbs over his cheeks, a little noise escaping from the back of her throat. Satoru thinks he's going to melt right then and there.
She climbs into his lap without breaking the kiss, trusting that he'll catch her if she stumbles. Satoru's hands fumble for purchase on her waist, doing exactly that. He feels her familiar weight settling over him and whines this kiss, too,
(Somewhere behind them, Suguru wolf whistles.)
She pulls away slowly, teeth dragging along his lower lip. Satoru pants into her mouth, his eyes half lidded. She giggles when he tries to chase her lips for more.
Shoko slides his glasses back up his nose before moving away, a satisfied grin stretching across her face. “So, will you do my homework now?”
Her fingers trace the edge of his jaw. He fights back an involuntary shiver at the tease.
“Yeah.” He giggles. God he sounds so stupid like that. But Shoko's the one who made him sound lovestruck and dumb so he doesn't even care.
She pats his cheek. “Good boy.”
Both of her classmates blush at that, Satoru staring up at her dumbly and Suguru spluttering. Shoko simply hops off the former's lap with a snicker, very, very satisfied.
Before she sits down, a hand catches her wrist.
“Don't I get one?” Suguru asks, blinking imploringly.
She looks up at him, unimpressed. “Seriously?”
“Yes, seriously.” He says, tugging at her wrist again. If Shoko knew Suguru was gonna feel all left out, she probably wouldn't have kissed Satoru at all.
“Fine.” She sighs. The stupid boy in front of her practically beams.
Suguru bends down because he's a real gentleman. Satoru would've made her stand on her tip toes. “Hey pretty girl.”
“Shut up.” She huffs, bumping their noses together.
Suguru licks into her mouth with a quiet laugh, kisses her slow and languid. She smiles against his lips, fights him a little when he tries to take control of the kiss. Nips at him and tugs at his hair when he gets a bit too cocky. She's not like Satoru; she won't be going pliant in any pretty boys' hold.
(Satoru watches them with vague fascination. It's kinda hot, watching them kiss. He thinks he'd like to be sandwiched between that.)
They break apart, Suguru placing one last peck to her cheek before he leans away. He couldn't help himself, really, not when it came to her. Shoko just laughs.
“Are you gonna call him a good boy too?” Satoru asks, impishly, and grins when he sees Suguru blush bright pink.
“He's not doing anything for me.” Shoko says, retreating to the back of the classroom; where Suguru had been sitting previously. Satoru supposes that fair enough, and turns back to now two homework papers he needs to get done by tomorrow morning. Man, they really do love springing their work on him last minute.
(Shoko will later swear that Suguru pouts when she refuses to call him a good boy. Suguru will deny this fervently. Neither of his classmates will believe him.)
Shoko snatches the DS where Suguru left it on the table, the sounds of Pokémon Emerald greeting her when she flicks it open. A gym battle theme is playing, which means he's probably-
“You're fighting Flannery with a Luvdisc?” She exclaims, staring at the screen in front of her. The game is paused in the middle of the third gym fight, Flannery's Slugma as the opponent. And Suguru's Pokémon is, and she cannot stress this enough, a fucking Luvdisc.
Satoru's head whips around, math homework temporarily forgotten. “He's what.”
“It's a water type isn't it? Water beats fire.” Suguru scoots a desk against hers before settling in it so he can watch her play. He rests his chin on her shoulder, bangs falling slightly in front of his face. Shoko doesn't know whether to brush them aside or shove him off her for fighting Flannery with a Luvdisc.
“It's the worst water type in gen three.” She scoffs, quickly opening the team menu. The rest of his team is not any better. It's an actual miracle that he got to her Slugma before being overheated to oblivion. Behind her, Satoru nods vigorously in agreement.
“I didn't know you were into Pokémon, Sho.” Suguru says, nuzzling his nose into the crook of her neck (stupid clingy cat.)
Whatever snarky comment she had ready dies in her throat. She doesn't have a response to that.
Shit. Dammit. Her and her big mouth.
Satoru lights up like a lightbulb. “Aww, you do listen to my nerd rambles!” He looks like he's gonna come over here and squish her. Gross. She's had enough of him for one day. She can still taste the mochi he had for breakfast on her tongue. (It's mixed with the taste of Suguru's organic oolong tea, also had in the morning. It's not a great combination.)
“Shut up and do our homework.” She snaps, feeling the tips of her ears warm. Satoru turns back around in his seat with a laugh, focusing on their papers again. And, hey, if he gets it done fast and gets every question right, she might reward him again.
“What are you gonna do, fix my team?” Suguru asks, turning her attention back to him. He's still curled around her, eyes trained on her face. He's comfortable. Shoko doesn't want him to move away.
“First I'm gonna get you through Flannery, but yeah.” She flicks through the Pokémon on his team again, looking for something to switch the damn Luvdisc with. The results have not gotten any more promising. “You can pay me for it later.”
Suguru smiles lazily into her neck. “Deal.”
————————
My baby here on Earth
Showed me what my heart was worth
So when it comes to be my turn
Could you shine it down here for her?
————————
Knowing you're going to die is a lot of things.
It's terrifying. It's a relief to know that finally, finally, everything will be over. Will death be a black void of nothing forever? Or will he go somewhere? Satoru doesn't want to go to a void. He wants to see his friends again. He wants to stay. He doesn't want to die. The idea that he most likely will doesn't bother him, but that doesn't mean he wants it either. It doesn't mean he craves and aches for it. He likes living. He's so excited for the pain to finally stop.
Everyone else knows he's probably going to die, too, even if they don't believe it. Sometimes, he catches his students looking at him sadly. Like he's a dead man walking, a corpse that has yet to learn it's just that. A corpse.
It's a lot, but Satoru takes it all in stride. Because he's the strongest.
Well, he takes most of it in stride.
Shoko acts like she's fine with it all, and it's honestly pissing him off a little. She has no objections to anything they suggest. Not the battle plan, not what will become of his body, nothing. It's irritating. He thought she'd have something to say, at the very least. Some sort of backhanded comment that lets him know how she really feels. Yet, strangely, she says nothing.
He keeps her close throughout the process despite it. He makes sure she's at every meeting regardless. She asks why she needs to be there. He tells her something along the lines of “they can't leave their only doctor out of the loop.” She asks again when he makes her power of attorney and executor of his will. This is a dumb question. He's not letting the Clan do whatever with his will and Shoko's his oldest friend. Who else was going to do it? Ijichi? Kusakabe? Mei Mei? Yeah, he didn't think so.
Shoko, for some reason, is determined to not be involved. She wants to act like they're just co-workers and not what they are to each other. And he knows her, knows it's a defensive mechanism, but Satoru's not having any of it.
He transfers legal guardianship of Megumi and Tsumiki to her two weeks before the fight.
“They might not even-” is the first thing she says when he tells her. Satoru doesn't let her finish. Might not want that? Not survive? It doesn't matter, either way, because someone has to take care of them when he's gone and, after October, he's running short on options.
Not like it wouldn't be her, anyways.
“They will. And they'll need someone.” They will want Shoko to have guardianship over them, he knows that much. He doesn't know if they'll survive, or if they're both already in the ground. Only time and a battle for the ages will tell him that.
“You might not even-” He might not even die, he knows this. But he could die just as easily as he could survive.
“It's just a precaution.” He says. The Strongest isn't a fan of precautions, he usually never takes them. But desperate times call for desperate measures and he's feeling pretty desperate right now, so.
“I don't like it.” Shoko crosses her arms over her chest. She's holding a cigarette between her teeth. Satoru never sees her without one, these days.
(Someone's gotta wean her off those again when he goes. He makes a mental note to mention it to Ijichi. She wouldn't listen to anyone else.
She'll probably also guess that he's the one that put Ijichi up to it, but that's fine. Satoru will be dead. He won't have to worry about it.)
“I know, but I'm not sorry.”
“When are you ever?” She grumbles, her heels clicking against the floor as she leaves. Satoru watches her go with a shake of his head. She's never gonna get it, is she? For someone so smart, she really can be equally as dense. (But that's fine, Satoru will take her; stupid moments and all. He always would and always will.)
He gives her his notes for Megumi and Nobara the next day. It's the one thing she doesn't feel the need to grumble about.
Like everything else, it's just a precaution.
It takes her two more weeks to finally pop the question.
“Why do you keep insisting I be involved?” She says, finding him in the dojo the morning he's due to fight Sukuna. Satoru, who'd been beating up his favorite punching bag for the last time, stops mid training session.
Sheesh, talk about last minute.
“Because you should've been involved with Suguru, and you weren't, and I'm sorry.” He says. It's probably the most honest one of them has been with each other in years.
He hears the click of her lighter instead of a response.
Satoru gives the bag one last punch, then calls it quits. He would love to give her a show by beating the punching bag to shreds, he really would, but he kinda can't. There's this ancient evil curse he's due to fight in like, an hour. Gotta go get ready and all that. But before he does.
“Shoko?” He pauses at the sliding door, his head turned toward her. The bags under her eyes are the darkest they've even been. Satoru doesn't think she's ever looked more beautiful.
“Yeah?” She says, putting her cigarette out on the wall. Like some kind of heathen.Man, he's really gonna miss her when he dies.
.
.
.
“Cursing me before you go, huh?” She smiles, a melancholy thing. She can't bring herself to meet his gaze.
That's fine, he has enough eyes for the both of them. Six, in fact.
He smiles back. “Not on purpose.”
“I'll see you in a bit, yeah?” He pushes the sliding door open, his eyes never leaving her face. Unlike last time, his best friend won't look at him.
(He doesn't know which is better, seeing their eyes or not. So he's fine with getting both. Maybe he'll find out in hell.)
“Yeah, in a bit.” She says, and doesn't follow him out. (The last thing Satoru hears of her is the click of her lighter as he disappears down the hall.)
————————
'Cause my love is mine, all mine
My love mine, mine, mine
Nothing in the world belongs to me
But my love, mine, all mine
————————
Suguru wakes up and is very, very warm.
It's the middle of summer, yet his two classmates are stuck to him like burrs, still sleeping peacefully.
Satoru's face is smushed into his chest, his perfect hair tousled. An arm is thrown around Suguru's waist, keeping them pressed together. He can feel Satoru's knee pressing into his thigh. It should be wildly uncomfortable.
It isn't.On the other side Shoko clings to his back like a koala. Her fingers dig into his shirt, like even in sleep she never wants to let go. Her knees press into his back, leaving her in the same kind of not-uncomfortable position that Satoru's in.
She snores. Rather loudly too. If it were anyone else, Suguru would find it terribly distracting.Hearing her snore again is comforting. He hasn't heard it in……in…
Well, he knows when the last time he heard it was.
He doesn't remember the last time they slept together like this.
It used to be damn near every night, until things started to change. They'd find their ways into each other's rooms, one way or another, and would curl up in the same bed; limbs so tangled together Suguru often lost track of where one of them began and the other two ended. And in the morning they'd detangle themselves slowly, Shoko complaining about why she had to move if they were so comfortable. And Satoru would laugh and make them all stay an extra five minutes because he could never say no to her (and Suguru can't, either.)
It happened so much Yaga eventually gave up on scolding Shoko from sneaking into the boys side of the dormitory and vice versa. It happened so much that they started keeping spare toothbrushes in their rooms, that Suguru has a drawer in his dresser full of clothes they'd left on his floor. So much so that he started to forget what it was like to sleep alone.And then things changed.
Suguru doesn't get much sleep these days. He stays up late with an upset stomach and an exhausted mind. And when sleep does eventually claim him it's restless. The kind of sleep that leaves you waking up at odd hours of the morning and stumbling out of bed worse than you felt the night before. It's been this way for a while now.
(And he knows exactly when it started and why, but according to his clock it's one thirty AM. He's not in the mood to rename it and not in the mood to relive it in his nightmares.)
Growing used to a sudden lack of bodies in his bed certainly hadn't helped.
He doesn't remember how, but tonight the bodies are back. They're pressed into him, not comfortable despite the odd position. Like they all remember how to be together but don't at the same time. Satoru's knee is probably gonna bruise his thigh and Shoko's are pressing into his back. Suguru doesn't know what to do with it.
But it's one thirty AM and he's tried. His mind and belly are finally quiet. His eyelids feel heavy. Suguru knows when his body is telling him to rest.
He falls back asleep with his face buried in Satoru's hair and Shoko's breaths falling across his neck. He's far too warm in the summer heat, but that's fine. He doesn't want to move them. Sometimes you have to make sacrifices to keep your classmates asleep.
15 year old me at the height of sleep deprivation once stayed in bed and sighed to the ceiling for 3 straight days because, and i quote, "there's no point in studying because no matter how much i earn or how successful i become, i'll never be able to see michael jackson perform live"
7 years later i find myself agreeing with her more and more honestly
