A recipe blog for all things nerdy foods. While there are many food blogs for cooking up dishes from pop-cultural sources, I'm taking a new approach, one that involves underappreciated and overlooked culinary delights from your favorite books, films, and video games. So park it and pull up a chair; it's time for some good eats!
It’s lemony, it’s grassy, but it’s neither lemon nor grass! Though this fragrant and calming herb is common in things like tea, Thai food, and scented things, the best way to have lemongrass is nice and fresh! Though a stalk or two of the fresh stuff might seem intimidating to first-timers, I’m gonna teach you the secrets of preparing this gratifying grass.
1. Cut off the bottom and then everything after 3-4in from the bottom
2. Pound with a meat tenderizer
3. Remove the rough and fibrous layers to access the tender layers inside
4. Do whatever the heck you want with it!
Taste:
Slightly lemony, but mostly a bit tart and floral. This herb is common in Thai, Malaysian, and Vietnamese cuisines. Though fantastic with seafood, lemongrass is fine with almost any animal or plant protein. It also makes for a delicious and calming tea when paired with other herbs like chamomile, ginger, and/or mint.
Possible Substitutes:
Lemon zest
Where to find:
Fresh lemongrass can be found at Asian grocery stores, or you can sometimes find it dried in ordinary grocery stores.
Continuing my segments on Middle Eastern seasonings, let me introduce you to the wonders of pomegranate molasses. If you hear the word ‘molasses’ and only think of something cloyingly sweet, you’d be wrong about this one. This sour sauce is wonderful in savory dishes, sweet dishes, and cocktails.
Taste:
Pomegranate molasses is more sour than sweet and is very fruity. I’d call it’s flavor something akin to Warheads candy; super tart, fruity, and satisfying.
Possible Substitutes:
Honey and a fruited balsamic vinegar, balsamic glaze, port reduction sauce.
Where to find:
Some regular grocery stores may stock this depending on how many Middle Eastern folks live around you. Otherwise I’d recommend hitting up your local Persian, Middle Eastern, Israeli, or international grocery store to find this.
Everyone loves lemons. They’re sour, zesty and make everything (especially seafood) more flavorful. But I know one thing everyone hates about lemons; preparing them! You skin yourself zesting them, the seeds get everywhere, the juice gets into your eyes, it’s not fun!
But believe it or not, you can have your lemon and eat it too (sort of). Introducing sumac: the dried and ground up red berries of a Middle Eastern cousin of the delicious and overpriced Cashew nut. This sumac is not to be confused with Poison Sumac, a close relative of poison ivy.
Taste:
This spice is like powdered lemon zest (grated skin). It’s super tart, tangy, and slightly bitter. Use it where you’d use lemon zest or use it as a flavor enhancer. It’s especially delicious on white fish!
Possible Substitute:
Lemon zest or powdered citric acid, I guess.
How to Find:
You’re gonna want to go to a specialty market for this one. Hit up any Persian, Middle-Eastern, or Israeli grocery store. You can also order it online , if you’re willing to pony up for the shipping cost.
Allow me to show you the future,dear readers, but be warned, it most certainly isn’t bright. The distant future of the 42nd millennium is a dreary future, one where the human species is under constant threat of extinction from aliens, extra-dimensional eldtritch horrors,and more often than not, its own horrific and oppressive theocratic empire. The only things keeping humanity alive are an insanely huge military repleat with both red-shirts, genetically modified super-soldiers, and an extremely powerful psychic mummy on life-support.
(credit; PixelPuffinArt)
Essentially the grimdark future of Warhammer 40k is what happens when you take Dune, Tolkien’s Middle Earth, H.P. Lovecraft’s cosmic horrors, the Handmaid’s Tale’s Gilead, the insane vehicles an tone of Mad Max, and space-opera elements of Star wars and put all of it into a blender, heavily seasoned with a healthy dose of gothic architecture. It’s science-fantasy at it’s most insane! While Warhammer 40k is an undoubtedly an expansive franchise, as it is a tabletop RPG, a tabletop war game, a series of books, video games, comics, and audio-dramas, it surprisingly lacks a cookbook. As food is seldom mentioned in the lore, I only had vague descriptions to work with this time.
To me, the setting of an interstellar human empire that’s an unimaginable mish-mash of weird futuristic customs called for something a bit out of the ordinary. As ‘hetelfish’ is a named protein in the franchise’s canon, I have chosen the most unusual aquatic protein I could think of, namely squid! Now before you run away, I also need to mention that this squid is to be cooked in a sweet and sour pomegranate sauce.
(I definitely didn’t cook this!)
I had envisioned something sour, spiced ,and exotic for this dish, so naturally, I turned to a fusion of two very different cuisines. This dish came out as an complex and layered hybrid of Thai and Persian food, with the sweet spices of Persian food paired with the fresh herbs of Thai food. The result was a seafood-stir fry with a tangy and addictive sauce sure to both adventurous and picky palates. I can imagine this served to Imperial noblemen after a long trek through the only available form of faster-than-light travel, punching a hole through reality to take a shortcut through the Realm of Chaos, aka Hell.
(Welcome to Hell! Party canceled do to fire.)
Pro tip: I’m gonna share the secret to making tender squid with you!
This dish serves four Rogue Traders.
Tools:
Hand Grater/Lemon Zester,
2 Large Plastic Bowls
2 Regular Bowls
1 Small Bowl
Kitchen scissors
Large knife
Meat Tenderizer
Measuring Spoons
Liquid Measuring Cup
Medium Pot
Colander
Cutting boards
Pan
Ingredients:
2 Stalks of Lemongrass
1 Shallot
1 Sprig Fresh Basil
3/4 Chopped Green Pepper
3 King Oyster Mushrooms (1 large and 2 smalls)
3 tbsp Pomegranate Molasses
1/4 tsp Ground Cloves
1/2 tsp Cardamom
1 and 1/2 tbsp Grated Fresh Ginger
5 Cloves of Garlic
16 oz Frozen Squid (’hetelfish’) Rings
2 tbsp Soy Sauce
4 pieces of Garlic Naan
2 tbsp Toasted Sesame Oil
1 tsp Corn Starch
Pomegranate seeds (optional garnish)
Method:
Fill your pot with almost all the way with water and bring it to a boil over high heat. Lower the heat slightly and boil the squid for 40-45 minutes or until tender.
While the squid is boiling, prepare the lemongrass by chopping off the bottom and everything beyond four inches from the bottom.
Pound the remaining lemongrass with the meat tenderizer and remove the fibrous outer leaves. Mince the tender leaves and put aside in a small bowl or ramekin.
Wash and grate the ginger into the same ramekin with the lemongrass. Wash, cut the ends off of, and grate the garlic into the lemongrass bowl. Wash and mince the basil and add it to the lemongrass mixture. Add cloves and cardamom to the lemongrass mixture. Put lemongrass mixture into large bowl.
Add soy sauce and pomegranate molasses. Chop the mushrooms , shallots, and peppers.
When squid is finished boiling, remove it from heat and remove the squid from the water. Set squid aside. Reserve the squid water. Add 1 cup of squid water to the herb and molasses mixture and stir until will combined.
Heat oil to medium heat. Add shallots, saute for 4 minutes or until lightly browned. Remove shallots from heat and put them in the molasses mixture. Add peppers and saute them for 4 minutes or until still fully green but slightly browned. Remove peppers from heat. Add mushrooms and saute until browned and slightly chewy.
Add squid to the pan and saute for 6 minutes. Add 1/2 cup squid water and cook over medium heat until the water boils down (you may need to add more oil afterward). Add the molasses mixture and boil for 1 minute. Add 1 tsp of cornstarch to 1/3 cup water and mix until combined. Add cornstarch water to the pan and boil until reduced by half.
Serve hot out of the pan with a piece of garlic naan.
And y’all thought I was done posting Pokemon Curries!
Nope!
Delicious and savory Rich Curry isn’t the only curry the famed Galar region has to offer. For those with more tropical and exotic tastes, there’s the savory-sweet joy that is Coconut Curry.
Now I could have gone almost any direction with this curry, as coconut can be found as an ingredient in a wide variety of curries the world over.
Judging by the color of the finished product, I decided to go with a sweet and sour Thai curry. Thai cuisine is notoriously zesty and aromatic in its use of tropical ingredients, fruits, and fresh herbs throughout its dishes. As it turns out, most Thai curries (such as Panang and Massaman) already incorporate coconut milk. For this recipe, I have decided to hybridize my personal favorites, sweet green curry and Massaman curry, utilizing a green curry paste and the veggies/meats one would ordinarily find in a Massaman curry. The result is tangy and rich dish guaranteed to satisfy. In my recipe, I used chicken thigh meat, but feel free to add whatever protein you’d like!
This recipe serves 4 tenacious Trainers.
Tools:
Large Kitchen knife.
Liquid Measuring Cup/spoons
Solid measuring cups/spoons
Paring knife
Large plastic cooking spoon
Ingredients:
1.10 lb Boneless Skinless Chicken Thigh (or whatever protein your heart desires)
15oz Can of Light Coconut Milk (or regular for an even richer curry)
1 Cup String Beans, Chopped (buy ‘em fresh or find them frozen)
1 Medium Potato, Chopped (I highly recommend Yukon Gold potatoes)
If your string beans are fresh , wash and chop them.
Wash, peel, and cut your carrot into chunks.
Wash, peel, and cube your potato.
Cook potato cubes in microwave for 1 minute and 30 seconds. Crush whole cashews and chop.
Wash, chop and cut the onion half into slices. (Pro Tip: If you hate shedding onion tears, wear swimming goggles while chopping the onion)
Wash and roughly chop zucchini:
Grate your garlic and/ or ginger.
Cut your protein into bite sized chunks (I made this recipe with chicken thighs).
Heat oil in pot or large saucepan to medium heat. Add all vegetables and cook for 5 minutes. Add potatoes and cashews, cooking them for 1 and 1/2 minutes.
Mix the garlic and ginger, add to 1/4 cup water. Stir in your tsp of corn starch. Add lime juice and coconut milk to garlic and ginger mixture. Add your protein to the vegetable mixture and cook until slightly crispy (if tofu) or until it turns color(if meat/shrimp), or until it becomes flaky (if fish).
Stir in the paprika. Stir in 1-3 tbsp of green curry paste (depending on how spicy you like your curry). Add the coconut milk mixture and bring to a boil. Cover and cook for 5 minutes. Uncover and cook for another 5 minutes. Remove curry from heat and garnish with basil and parsley. Serve over my fragrant Turmeric Rice (as seen in Rich Curry Recipe. I would highly recommend using basmati/jasmine rice for this one).
Enjoy!
...whatever the heck this dude’s up to.
Today, my wonderful nerdy noshers, we are questing in the wonderful world of Elder Scrolls (glitches and all), a world of elves, men, eldritch gods, and sugar-loving cat people. You see that peak over there,
yes, you can climb it. See this nasty demon dinosaur:
He can either be summoned or beaten with a stick, depending on your stance on demon dinosaurs. See this oh so lusty Argonian maid
....Need I say more?!
But in order to climb huge volcanoes, marry lizard people, and summon unholy demonic velociraptors, you’re gonna need some energy in that adventuresome body of yours. How do we get that energy, you may ask? You get it the same way you do here in reality; food! Yes, for a fantastical world of swords and sorcery, the Elder Scrolls franchise sure is a cornucopia of culinary delights, some of which you actually can make with nothing more than a working kitchen and access to the internet.
Now even if you’ve never heard of the Elder Scrolls franchise, you likely know about it’s most famous entry: Skyrim. You see, Skyrim has a bit of a popularity problem. Having been out for a decade and release on SIX different platforms, many have tread it’s culinary pathways well before this blog went public. That being said, I have chosen a different entry in the franchise to dig for recipes in.
Enter Elder Scrolls Online, the only mmorpg entry in the Elder Scrolls franchise. While Elder Scrolls online has a wealth of foods to chose from, unlike its other counterparts, the food items are very rarely shown in game. Sometimes what you see laying around in your local tavern might not even be the item that ends up in your back when snatched up (away from the prying eyes of the city guards). For example, take your classic Skyrim-style Sweetroll:
In your inventory it ends up looking like a cinnamon bun!
And that’s where I come in. Rather than rely on in game pictures, I have instead chosen to base any recipes I make from Elder Scrolls online by their description. If the required ingredients happen to match up with its inventory picture, all the better. Now come join my around the fire as I tell you the tale of my experience with Khajiiti cuisine.
For the not yet initiated, the Khajiit are an adorable race of catlike people whose forms can range from housecat:
To buff bobcat:
To humanoid cat furries:
These pretty kitties are known for their sweet tooth, and even savory dishes are no exception. Enter their curried fish; a quick and rather syrupy dish that purrfectly pairs well with a nice hot bowl of fragrant basmati rice. This easy and peachy curry is a flavorful fast dish that’s perfect for cat on the run. (NOTE: Please do not actually feed this to your cats irl,or any of your pets for that matter. This dish contains many ingredients that are most certainly poisonous for furry, feathery, and scaly friends.)
This dish feeds 3 famished felines.
Tools:
Saucepan
Large pan (ideally an electric skillet,as they tend to be huge)
Large cooking spoon
Spatula
Baking Spatula:
Paring Knife
Large kitchen knife
Measuring spoons
hand held grater
Ingredients:
12oz white fish of choice (I chose mahi-mahi)
1 15oz can of white beans (I went with chickpeas)
3 cloves of fresh garlic
2 tsp Garam Masala (divided)
1/2 tsp cumin
1/2 tsp tumeric
1 and 1/2 tbsp sweet chili sauce
1/2 large onion
1/4 tsp cinnamon
2 tbsp peach preserves
2 tsp lemon juice
1 and 1/2 tbsp rice vinegar
2 tbsp chicken stock (low sodium)
1/2 tsp kosher salt
10 oz fresh spinach
3 servings basmati rice (cook according to package instructions)
2-3 tbsp cooking oil (I used olive oil but I’d highly recommend peanut oil for this dish)
1 pinch sumac (optional, for garnish)
Salt and pepper to taste
Method: Slice your onion.
Grate your garlic cloves.
Using 1/2 tbsp of oil, saute your onion slices over medium until brown, then set them aside.
With another 1/2 tbsp of oil, saute your spinach until it is wilted, set aside.
Drain and rinse your white beans.
Put your spinach in a food processor and puree until smooth.
Add 1tsp garam masala, 2tsp lemon juice, 1/2 the sauteed onions, 1/3 of the garlic and the beans. Puree until smooth and set aside.
For the fish:
If your fish is frozen, thaw in the fridge overnight or run fish cuts under cool water until slightly softened. Combine sauteed onions, the remainder of the garam masala, , the remainder of the garlic, the cumin, the cinnamon, the sweet chili sauce, the turmeric, the kosher salt, the chicken stock, the rice vinegar and the peach preserves until well mixed.
Heat remainder of oil in large pan over medium heat. Add fish cuts.
Cook fish cuts for 4 and 1/2 minutes per side,or until the fish starts flaking. Reduce heat slightly and add sauce. Stir sauce in with fish for 1-1 and 1/2 minutes. Top rice servings with sauce/fish chunks and dollops of spinach and bean puree. Garnish with a sprinkle of sumac.
Eat up!
(For pescatarians, sub the chicken broth with fish, vegetable, or seaweed broth.)
Welcome Trainers! Have a seat! I’m sure, after a long day of battling your neighbors, running around in the grass, and catching some new Pokemon for your teams, you must be famished! Luckily for you, Trainers, you’ve stumbled upon me, your new favorite food nerd, and I have a nutritious, stick-to-your-ribs dish guaranteed to leave you satisfied and ready for your next gym challenge!
That’s right, I’ve made Rich Curry, and now, you’ll be able to make it too!
That’s right, I’m making Pokemon Sword and Pokemon Shield’s curries, each inspired by different international cuisines. For the Rich Curry, its seems (at least visually) to resemble Japanese curry. For anyone unfamiliar with Japanese curry, its thick, rich, sweeter than most curries and far less spicy than Indian or Southeast Asian curries, and, most importantly, its super versatile!
Most Japanese curries start out with a roux, a flour and fat combo used to thicken up stews and sauces. I know, it sounds like a lot of work to not screw up, but boy to I have a solution for you; Japanese curry roux cubes! These convenient little blocks of flavor already have everything you need for a good curry roux in it and you don’t even have to go to specialty grocery stores to get them!. All you need to do is add veggies, meat, and rice.
But, for health and creativity’s sake, lets whip out our rare candies and take our curry roux cubes to the next level. As I previous mentioned, Japanese curry is extremely versatile, lending itself to a variety of additional ingredients. Also, I would advise not to use as much roux cube as it says on the box. I will be doing it in this recipe, as those roux cubes pack a ton of salt! I know some of these ingredients are gonna seem unusual, but trust me, they only enhance the curry!
This recipe serves four Pokemon trainers, or two trainers and their Pokemon. (WARNING: Please don’t actually feed this dish to your pets, it has several ingredients that are toxic to dogs, cats, birds, reptiles, and other common household pets. If your pets happen to be dogs, might I suggest this recipe from Love From The Oven? https://www.lovefromtheoven.com/spoiled-dog-cake-recipe/)
TOOLS:
cutting board
medium stock pot
small pot (for rice)
strainer
steak knife
paring knife
measuring spoons
liquid measuring cup
small hand grater
small bowls
microwave
INGREDIENTS (for the rice):
Short grain rice (either arborio or sushi rice will do)
1/4 tsp turmeric (for color)
Water
INGREDIENTS (for the curry):
1 and 1/2 Japanese curry roux cubes
1 tbsp curry powder
1 and 1/2 tsp cocoa powder
1/2 Tbsp garam masala
1/2 tsp butter
2 medium sized carrots
2 small gold potatoes
3 cloves garlic
1-1 and 1/4 lb protein of choice (I used chicken thigh)
1 and 1/4 cup chicken, beef, bone, or veggie broth
1/2 cup red wine (use a richer one like cabernet)
1/2 cup dry sherry wine
1/2 tsp sesame oil
1 cup frozen broccoli
1/2 yellow or sweet onion
5 drops red food dye
1 tbsp cooking oil of choice
1 tsp corn starch
1 tbsp water
1 tsp smoked paprika
parsley (for garnish)
METHOD (for the rice):
Prepare rice according to package instructions, but stir in the turmeric to the water while it boils.
METHOD (for the curry):
Rinse, peel, and cube the potatoes. Par cook the potatoes in the microwave for 1 minute. Rinse, peel and cut the carrots into 1 inch long pieces.
Slice the half-onion into pieces. Cut protein into bite-sized chunks.
Break the roux cube and a half up into chunks, combine in a small bowl. Bring the sesame oil, cooking oil, and butter to medium heat in your medium stock pot. Add all the veggies and cook for 5 minutes.
Add the protein chunks (or in my case the chicken) cook until they start to change color ( or if you’re using tofu/seitan, cook until the meat substitute starts to brown). Add the liquids and the food dye. Stir all together and bring to a boil. Reduce the heat to low. Grate the garlic cloves and stir them into the curry. Stir in the spices, cover, and simmer for 15 minutes.
Stir the corn starch and water together. After the 15 minutes are up, stir the cornstarch water into the curry. Let the curry cook at medium heat for 5 minutes. Serve side-by-side with the turmeric rice.
Lemme bring you late 90′s kids back to a simpler time. You guy’s remember Fairly Oddparents, right? How could you not?! It was practically a staple of animated humor for anyone growing up in the early 2000′s. Fairly Odd Parents was the fairly odd story of a little boy named Timmy Turner who, after suffering under the duress of neglectful parents and an abusive babysitter becomes the magical godchild of Cosmo and Wanda, his assigned fairy godparents. Fairly Odd Parents was an ....interesting show, to say the least. In it’s golden age, it was the king of biting, bizarre and at times absurd humor. There were aliens that were petrified of anything soft and adorable. There were business pixies that corporatized anything they touched. There were adolescent genetically altered karate cows! The wilder the wish, the wilder Timmy’s adventures became.
But we aren’t here to talk about Timmy Turner and his magical adventures. Today we address Timmy’s ever-present problem that is Mr. Crocker. Part time schoolteacher and full time crackpot mad-scientist, Crocker spends most of his days ranting about and trying to capture Timmy’s fairies. One day, thanks in no small part to the almighty magical powers of an enchanted ‘ Fairy-versary’ muffin, he succeeds.
Crocker, the vain and unstable madman he is, uses his newfound magical power to turn the entire world into a hellish dystopian autocracy that he rules over as a god-king. One of his first acts as king of the planet was to change everything edible into his favorite food, shrimp puffs. So in honor of our supreme overlord, I’ve cooked up a batch myself.
These little beauties are the perfect appetizer for any occasion. Who could resist a sumptuous nugget of flaky puff pasty, savory scallion and cream cheese filling, and a big ol’ juicy shrimp? Admittedly, they came out a bit more like small savory croissants, but as long as its a savory shrimp pastry, it should satisfy our ear-necked overlord!
This recipe serves 12 Crocker-slaves.
TOOLS:
Cutting board
Scissors
Food Processor
2 Cookie sheets
Tin foil
2 Plates
Knife
Baking Spatula
Cooking oil spray
Spatula
Cooking brush
INGREDIENTS:
1/3 cup Feta Cheese
8oz package Neufchâtel cheese (marketed as 1/3 fat cream cheese)
4oz fat free cream cheese
4 sheets puff pastry (you can find these in 2 sheet boxes in the frozen section in any grocery store)
3 Cloves of garlic
2 large scallions
16 oz large pre-cooked frozen shrimp
2 eggs
METHOD:
Preheat oven to 400 ° Fahrenheit. Follow package instructions for thawing puff pastry. Cover the bottom and sides your cookie sheets with tinfoil and grease with cooking spray.
Chop the scallions roughly Food process 2/3rds of a cup of the shrimp, the cream cheeses, feta and garlic until smooth. (Resist the urge to eat this cream cheese mixture).
Cut puff pastry sheets into thirds. Cut those thirds into fourths.
Place pastry sheets vertically. Fold the back corners together and pinch to form a sort of ‘pocket’.
Stuff a tablespoon of the cream cheese mixture into the pocket. Wrap the unfolded half of the pastry sheet around the pocket and pinch closed, leaving a small hole on top. Beat your eggs. Brush the tops of each pastry with the beaten eggs. Place twelve of these pastries an inch apart on each cookie sheet. Bake for 15 minutes. Remove the pastries from the oven. Place one shrimp in each shrimp puff’s hole.
Flip the pastries and brush with more egg-wash. Return them to the oven for another 5 minutes or until the eggwash has cooked and shrimp puffs have become shiny. Remove the shrimp puffs from the over. Plate and serve immediately.
Ah, Mad Max: Fury Road. So colorful, so explosive, so filled with female empowerment! I’ve been itching to include my favorite film on this blog in some form or fashion. Unfortunately, I’ve had a bit of a hang up. Mad Max is a post-apocalyptic franchise. Food after Armageddon would be a rare and valuable commodity, even rare if your spending your After-Time in an irradiated Australian desert. What food would such a place offer besides a handful of likely venomous insects and reptiles, cans from the Old World, and eating your fellow man?
Fortunately, Fury Road offers a solution; two in fact. You could be a warrior woman of the Vuvalini, a tribe of bad-ass bikers who are expert agriculturalists. But not even the Vuvalini could fight the Earth’s decay, as radiation and pollution poisoned their water source and left their lush gardens a lifeless bog where only carrion crows dwell.
Or.. you could be Citadel elite. Lead by the ruthless warlord Immortan Joe, the Citadel boasted three gigantic pillars of sandstone, each capped with gardens fed by the aquifer that laid below. Gotta keep those crazy death-cultists fed somehow. But what sort of crops would the Citadel’s gardens be growing anywho?
This part I left to science(here’s the source: (https://www.gardeningknowhow.com/edible/vegetables/vgen/vegetables-in-the-desert.htm) . It’s not entirely impossible to grow food in a desert, you just have to know which food to grow. For this recipe, I’ve selected a few hearty favorites, including beans, potatoes, and eggplant. Of course, your average kami-crazy War Boy would need a bit more protein to keep his boomstick-throwing arms strong, so I’ve added buttermilk and bone broth (from chickens and cows. The world may be going downhill now, but we need not resort to cannibalism).
This recipe serves four famished road warriors:
Spatula
Ladle
Liquid Measuring cup
Measuring spoons
Strainer
Large knife
Cutting Board
Can Opener
Hand grater
2 Medium pans
Cooking Spray
Powerful blender
Potato brush (optional)
INGREDIENTS
2 15oz cans of white beans (your choice)
12 oz cubed butternut squash
1 medium eggplant
1 large gold/red potato
1 medium onion
20 oz chicken or beef bone broth
1 and 1/2 cup buttermilk (I used fat free buttermilk)
3 cloves of garlic
3 tbsp olive oil
2 tsp rosemary
1 tbsp powdered sage
1 tsp dried oregano
1 tsp kosher salt
Wash and cut the eggplant into 1in thick rounds.
Wash, skin and dice the onion.
Heat one tbsp of oil over medium heat. Add the onions and and cook until browned (about 3 minutes).
Remove the onions from heat. In your second pan, add a tbsp of oil. Add eggplant rounds and cook over high heat until soft and slightly charred on the outside.( I like to try for both at the same time, but beginners may want to cook each vegetable separately). Remove the eggplants from heat and cool in the fridge for 30 minutes. To speed up the process, put the eggplant rounds in the freezer for 15 minutes. When the eggplant rounds are cool, remove them from the freezer, peel off the skin, and put one half of the eggplant into the blender. Drain both cans of beans. Rinse them in your strainer. Add three quarters of your beans to the blender with half your butternut squash and all the rosemary. Add all the bone broth. Blend all ingredients until slightly smooth. Add the bean mixture to your pot with the last tbsp of oil. Wash your potato and pat dry (wash it with a potato brush if you want to eat the skin). Cube the potato and add it to the soup with the other half of the squash. Grate 3 cloves of garlic into the soup. Add the salt. Bring the soup a boil over medium-high heat.
Add a cup and a half of buttermilk, the other half of the onions, the remaining eggplant, and the remaining beans to the soup. Add the sage and oregano and reduce the heat to low. Cover the soup and let simmer for 15 minutes, stirring occasionally. Uncover the soup and simmer for another 15 minutes, stirring occasionally. Serve immediately.
Our edible adventure through Thra has brought us to the shores of the Silver Sea, home to the Sifa Clan of Gelfling. The Sifa clan are master mariners and skilled survivalists, owing their longevity to the bounty of the sea and their enchanted talismans. They were also the most accepting of the bitterly divided clans, welcoming any Gelfling into the fold.
The Silver Sea provides for most of their needs, including food. The Sifa are natural fishermen. Seafood makes up a large part of their diet, as do sea vegetables. Thus, I have combined the two into delicious fish wrapped in seaweed.
This recipes serves four Sifan seafarers.
TOOLS:
1 small bowl
Measuring spoons
Plate
Spatula
Cooking Spray
Frying pan
INGREDIENTS:
0.8lb White fish fillets of choice (I used tilapia)
1 package of roasted seaweed snacks ( See this fetch quest for more details: https://noshes4nerds.tumblr.com/post/188108954848/fetch-quest-snacking-seaweed)
1/2 tsp butter
1/2 tsp sesame oil
1 tbsp olive oil
1 tbsp rice vinegar
1/2 tsp Bonito Powder (See this fetch quest for more details: https://noshes4nerds.tumblr.com/post/187965666023/fetch-quest-bonito-flakeskatsuobushi)
1/4 cup Panko bread crumbs
1 tbsp of corn starch
Salt and pepper to taste
Sriracha (optional)
Mix corn starch, panko, bonito, pepper, and garlic powder together in a small bowl. Liberally coat fish fillets with the panko mixture.
Heat oils and butter over medium heat, until the butter melts. Add the fish fillets and vinegar. Cook for 3-4 minutes on each side (depending on fillet thickness) or until the fish is no longer translucent and flakes when prodded with the spatula.
Coat the fillets in a few sheets of seaweed and cook for a minute more per side.
Adventurers, we have arrived at the Sami thicket, home of noble Spriton clan of Gelfling. The Spriton Clan are expert gardeners, known for mastery over the soil as potent as the Dousan clan’s mastery over spiritual matters. They are the clan from which everyone’s favorite soup-maker, Kylan, hails from.
Creating a dish to represent this clan was easy, as Kylan has provided us with an example of Spriton cuisine, his famous and meme-worthy green broth. I have decided to recreate that oft-quoted soup, going instead for something with a texture closer to a bisque (despite containing no shellfish). This bisque can be used as a side dish, or can be consumed as a meal given an extra can of chickpeas.
This recipe serves four Spriton soup-slingers.
(for a vegetarian soup, substitute the chicken brother for vegetable vroth)
TOOLS:
Blender
Pan
Large pot
Spatula
Baking Spatula
Knife
Cutting board
Measuring spoons
Liquid measuring cup
Wine bottle opener
Ladel
INGREDIENTS:
1-2 15 oz cans of chickpeas
2 6oz bags of spinach
2.5 oz of goat cheese (1/2 a 5oz package)
1/2 a sweet onion
2 tbsp olive oil
3 cups low sodium chicken broth
1 cup dry white wine
4 cloves of garlic
1 tsp dried basil (or a tbsp fresh basil)
1/2 tsp rubbed sage
1/2 tsp dried parsley
1 tsp balsamic vinegar
1 tsp kosher salt
1 tbsp plain greek yogurt
Pam/cooking spray
Balsamic glaze(optional)
Slice 1/2 of your sweet onion. Spray a pan with cooking spray and heat to medium heat. Add the onions and saute until browned.
Add onions your blender. Rinse and drain the chickpeas and add to blender.
Add the spinach ( a little at a time), the chicken broth, and a tbsp of olive oil. Blend until smooth.
Add the wine, Greek yogurt, and goat cheese and blend until smooth.Add second tbsp of oil to soup pot, Add spinach mixture and heat over medium heat.
Grate four cloves of garlic into the soup and stir until combined.
Stir in kosher salt, basil, sage, parsley, and vinegar. Bring soup to a boil for two minutes.
Reduce heat to low and cover. Allow the soup to simmer for 30 minutes. Serve with an optional squeeze of balsamic glaze.
Due to the global pandemic, things have been kinda hectic lately and ingredients have been a bit harder to come by. That being said, I do not plan on giving this blog up, as I have found ways of creating new recipes. That being said, I apologize for the late update.
Expect two more recipes within the next two days, both a continuation of the Dark Crystal theme I had running.
Culinary creations from the world of Thra continue. During our edible adventures, we find ourselves in the Swamp of Sog, home to the fierce, tree dwelling Drenchen clan of Gelfings. The Drenchen Clan is the clan from which the Gelfing insurgent Gurjin hails.They are the only Gelfings that are as capable of living in water as they are on land, for they’re the only Gelfings with gills as well as lungs and wings more adapted to swimming than flying.
So, my first thought when approaching a potential cuisine for this swampy clan was swampy food. Now what kinds of animals can one find in murky marsh water? Insects, amphibians, and reptiles of course! Keeping that in mind, I have chosen to make a meal of the humble Mudhopper, or as we on Earth call them, the frog. I’ve ended up with a rich, hearty, and savory meal that would endear anyone to this most unusual of proteins. Alongside the legs, I’ve included a couple side dishes.
This recipe feeds three Gelfling adventurers, or two very hungry Gelfling, with veggies and tubers to spare, or course.
WARNING: This is a 2.5-3 hour recipe
TOOLS:
Large bowl (for marinating frog legs)
Parchment paper,
Baking sheet
Two pans
Liquid measuring cup
Solid measuring cups and spoons
plate
1 meat knife
1 paring knife
1 chef’s knife
1 hand greater
Food processor
Tinfoil
Small baking dish
Oven
Toaster oven
INGREDIENTS:
For Potato side dish:
Cooking Spray
1 small bag of baby golden potatoes or fingerling potatoes
1.5 Tbsp Olive Oil
Salt and Pepper to taste
For the Vegetable side dish:
1 Large King Oyster Mushroom
1 Large Chinese Eggplant
2 Shallots
1/4 Sweet onion
1 tbsp olive oil
1/4 Cup White Wine
Herbs de Provence (optional)
For the Frog’s Legs:
1 and 1/2 lbs Frog Legs (skinless)
2 cups of milk ( or plant based milk, if you’re lactose intolerant)
3 tbsp of flour ( or gluten free flour)
1 and 1/2 cup of white wine
1 tbsp of Italian parsley
1 lemon
2 tbsp lemon juice
2 bulbs of garlic
2 tsp butter
Salt and pepper to taste.
For your potatoes:
Preheat oven to 400 °F ( 204.444 Celsius). Thoroughly wash your baby potatoes. Pat them dry and slice each in half. Line baking sheet with parchment paper and spray with cooking spray. Rub your potatoes down with olive oil till evenly coated. Salt and pepper to your liking. Roast your potatoes from 40-60 minutes or until golden brown and slightly crispy.
For the veggies:
Wash the mushrooms, shallots, onion, and eggplant. Slice 1/4 of the sweet onion as well as all the shallots.
Slice the eggplant into 1/4 inch rounds. Cube the mushrooms.
Heat oil to medium heat. Add eggplants and cook till slightly squishy, stirring occasionally to prevent burning.
Add the mushrooms and saute until slightly browned, stirring occasionally to prevent burning. Add onions and shallots and cook until slightly browned. Add the wine and stir until the wine has boiled off and all the veggies are glazed.
For the frog legs: In a large bowl, add your milk and frog legs until the legs are covered. Marinate in the fridge for 1 hour, turning the legs 30 minutes in.
While marinating the legs, prepare the garlic bulbs by slicing the tops of, removing the papery outer skin, and rubbing them in olive oil. Place your garlic bulbs on a small, greased, tinfoil lined baking sheet and roast in your toaster oven at 400 °F for 40 minutes.Remove garlic bulbs from toaster oven and cool for 10 minutes. Remove outer skin from roasted cloves and set cloves aside.Grate the skin off of your lemon (zest it), directly into the food processor.
Add roasted garlic cloves, parsley, and lemon juice. Pulse until smooth. After your hour has passed, remove the legs from the milk and pat dry. On a plate, rub the legs down in flour.Heat butter and 1 tbsp of oil in the pan over medium heat. Add the legs and cook for 2 minutes.
Add another tbsp of oil and flip the legs, cooking for 2 minutes.
Add the third tbsp of oil, half,the parsley mixture, and the wine. Simmer the frogs in the wine for 10 minutes, stirring occasionally.
Turn up the heat slightly and cook until the sauce becomes a thick and rich gravy. Top with leftover parsley mixture and serve with vegetables and potatoes.
Are you a vegetarian/ vegan that misses shellfish or are just a lover of fabulous fungi? I have just the mushroom for you!
This god among mushrooms is as long and thick as a large carrot, but that’s not the best part. If you slice and saute this mighty mushroom, you get something with a remarkably similar taste and texture to scallops (and trust me, they’re so much cheaper). They’re great as appetizers, side dishes,soups, or as complements to seafood dishes.
Taste: Like an earthy, fungusy scallop.
Possible substitutes: Scallops, squid, and it’s less talented cousin, the oyster mushroom.
Where to find: I would recommend going to your local international market for these guys. Seeing as they’re quite popular in many forms of Asian cuisine, they’re also readily available in Asian grocery stores.
Listen, I know you guys are are feeling froggy, but hear me out. Frog legs are really an underrated treat.
You like chicken wings, right? Everyone loves chicken wings! They’re juicy, crispy, but, they’re not all that healthy. Now let me put on my Morpheus glasses for a sec.
And that food is frog legs.
Now, you see, you can’t go about just eating the legs of any ol’ frog. Pick up the wrong one and you might just croak! All kidding aside, there’s only a handful of species of edible frogs, and these are gonna be the one’s you’ll find in store (or in the wild, if you like to grab your spear and go frog gigging)
Taste: Chicken wings with the slightest flavor of a rich red fish, like salmon.
Possible Substitutes: Chicken wings, chicken thighs, turkey wings’
How to find: International markets typically sell these, but you can now find them in convenient boxes in Wal-Mart.
The Stonewood Spread: Nebrie Sausage with Roasted Merkeeps on a bed of Forest Greens and Beans
The edible journey through Thra continues! This time we venture into the depths of the Endless forest to the home of the Stonewood Clan. The Stonewood clan, the clan from which the rebel Gelfing Rian hails, are a collective of proud fighters and expert farmers. Many Stonewood comprised the hallowed Guard of the Crystal Castle.
Unlike most of the other Gelfling clans featured in The Dark Crystal: Age of Resistance, there is actual some information to draw from when trying to ascertain the diet of these woodland warriors. Stonewood Gelfing favor Merkeeps, a kind of tuber, and peachberries, a kind of sweet and sour fruit that Skeksis find disgusting. With this in mind, I have created a dish that’s hearty, healthy, and liberally soaked with sweet-sour balsamic vinegar.
If you’d like to make this vegan, substitute the chicken sausage for any kind of Italian vegan sausage. If you can’t find a purple sweet potato, feel free to use two orange ones.
This recipe feeds 5 gelfling adventurers.
TOOLS:
2 pans
Peeler
Baking dish
Tin Foil
Spatula
Cooking Spray
Strainer
Small bowls
Measuring spoons
INGREDIENTS:
1 purple sweet potato
1 orange medium/ large sweet potato
1 tsp garlic powder
3 cloves fresh garlic
1/2 sweet onion
2 shallots
1 15oz can of white beans (Cannelloni, Great Northern, exc..)
1/4 tsp paprika
2 bags spinach
5 Italian chicken/turkey sausages
1 tbsp balsamic vinegar
3 tbsp olive oil
Salt to taste
Preheat oven to 420 °F ( 216 °C) .
Wash and peel your sweet potatoes and cut into rounds. Rub sweet potatoes with 1 tbsp olive oil 1/2 tsp garlic powder and paprika. Place potato rounds on a tin-foiled and greased baking sheet and bake for 30 minutes, or until slightly crispy on the outside but soft on the inside. Set potatoes aside when done.
Slice sweet onions and shallots.
Put 1 tbsp of olive oil in pan and turn heat to medium. Add onions and shallots and cook till translucent.
Drain and rinse white beans and add to the pan. Cook for 2 minutes.
Add the spinach and cook until the spinach wilts, mixing occasionally to incorporate the bean mixture. Add 1 tbsp balsamic vinegar and stir until the vinegar is incorporated. Set the spinach and bean mixture aside.
In your other pan, heat 1 tbsp olive oil over medium heat. Add the sausages. Cook sausages until cooked through. They should be browned on all sides and 165° Fahrenheit inside. This can be measured with a meat thermometer.
Serve one sausage per plate on a bed of beans and spinach with a side of potatoes.
This recipe pairs well with my Drunken Mushrooms, found beneath this recipe:
This shouldn’t be too hard a sojorn, after all, you’re only after ONE OF THE MOST DELICIOUS SPICE BLENDS ON THE PLANET. No pressure, guys.
All kidding aside, Garam masala is a famed Indian spice blend is used in many of their dishes. It is usually comprised of spices like black pepper, cinnamon, fennel, and coriander.
Taste: Rich, spiced, exotic, savory-sweet.
Possible substitutes: You don’t have to substitute this spice for anything. It’s fairly easy to make yourself. Recipes for homemade garam masala are as numerous as the stars, but here’s one to start you off. https://www.allrecipes.com/recipe/142967/easy-garam-masala/
How to find: Most grocery stores sell it, but beware if you’re not a fan of super spicy food. Some garam masalas have chili peppers in them.
