out cryptid hunting with the boys

Asher, he/him | 18

[depsidase]

[what-even-is-thiss]

“Where do you see yourself in five years” is kind of an odd question for a job interview now that I think about it. Like idk. Having a job? You could give one to me right now.

[youthincare]

people should be allowed to have low ambition, and also be able to feed a family on the salary of a cashier at a convenience store.

[byjove]

“can you explain this gap in your employment?” why sure! I was not employed at that time.

[bitterdesert]

my foolproof rule for befriending straight boys is that they simply have to be more muppet than they are man. it has not failed me yet

[kitttenteeth]

ᓚᘏᗢ 𖤣𖥧 <- cat sniffing flowers

[twentybrokenipodclassics]

the postal service names their shit exactly like how a 16 y.o. names angsty fanfic

[punk-squirrely-ghost]

Explain.

[twentybrokenipodclassics]

try and tell me literally any one of these would not fit above a short story about two wholly random men from the MCU fingering each other, or possibly 12 chapters of one or more characters from a CW show being in high school while having a photogenic but terminal kind of cancer. try.

[twentybrokenipodclassics]

ok so i want to say in hindsight i think i could probably have been clearer

[dragon-in-a-fez]

the thing that really cheeses my cake about flies getting in my house is they clearly don't want to be there anyway. like at least the ants trying to steal cereal from my pantry had a goal and a plan. you are just here because you're too stupid to use a window twice

[ispyspookymansion]

btw its time to get your flu shot for the year if you havent yet. theres also a new covid vaccine rolling out in the US but because RFK wants people dead, insurance coverage/eligibility is very slim, you may need to be prepared for a bill or to see your doctor about it. but still dont let the season go without getting your vaccines if possible ok thanks

[aqua-cultured]

(via @sinistrasidera )

[thatdiabolicalfeminist]

The meeting where they're likely to curb vaccine access even further starts Thursday, September 18, 2025: https://www.hhs.gov/press-room/cdc-acip-meeting-september-18-19-2025.html

I strongly recommend that anyone in the USA get vaccinated before that meeting if it's at all possible for you.

[banepenis]

perish the thought, dude. *playfully pushes you by the shoulder* haha, like, cease these peculiarities. *becomes extremely violent and starts hitting you with heavy fists without provocation* disabuse that fucking notion

[thepromiscuousfinger]

[weepingchoir]

you have a disgusting storytelling addiction

[atlas-prime]

It’s true. It goes back a long way, too. It all started when…

[its-funnytwittertweets]

[ginny-lala]

[sightofsea]

love when cats hear that you've woken up even just a little bit and they're like hiiiiiii oh my god oh my god!!!!! i wrote some poems in the night let me recite them for you. this one is called: screaming and knocking your water bottle off your nightstand

[gothicprep]

to catch a bus you have to think like a bus

[redstonedust]

its always been surprisingly effective to look at someone being an asshole online and respond with "this is an obvious troll/ragebait" . because if youre right then youve just called them out accurately and you can move on with your life. and if youre wrong then you still kinda win because nothing gets someones goat quite like than having their argument dismissed. like sorry dude you sound so cartoonishly evil that i have assumed youre simply faking it to get a reaction. i dont believe you believe this. no normal person thinks this way. bye.

[podcastwizard]

ideal ways for me to die

1. old age, peacefully in my sleep

2. after a long and illustrious career i am at a rooftop gala hosted in my honor. i am wearing a beautiful gown, holding a glass of red wine, standing by the railing. a scorned lover approaches and, after a passionate spat, they push me over the edge of the building. the wine glass goes flying, splattering their outfit in red as a visual metaphor for the blood on their hands. as i descend my gown flies around me like two beautiful wings, a bird in flight. a photographer on the street manages to take a photo before i hit the ground and that photo wins the pulitzer. a new york times think piece is released regarding whether or not it's moral to profit off a photo of someone's death. the think piece also wins a pulitzer.

3. sex accident.