𝖎𝖓𝖙𝖔 𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝖛𝖔𝖎𝖉

31. no longer human, apparently. mainly about my e*ting disorders and clinical d*pression. a bit of social justice content too. DNI if minor/late teens-early to mid 20s. || unloved and unlovable. at this point i don't care about getting better, there's no reason. || «I feel like something bad is going to happen to me. I feel like something bad has happened. It hasn't reached me yet but it's on its way. » - Lake Mungo (2008)

[foxlungz]

If I ever kill myself just know I tried my fucking best and please forgive me

[nothing--beside--remains]

Believe me, I tried. I keep talking to the wall. No one understands or wants to listen. I'm invisible. I'm killing myself tonight. He will never know. I can't have anything good. I just can't. My life is worthless.

[nothing--beside--remains]

I had to call for an ambulance again. I need someone to talk to. About my pain. I have no one. They couldn't send me any because they're all very busy. I feel like my heart is about to explode. I want to k1ll myself right now but I can't. I can't breathe. I have no one to talk to. I need a hug. I need a hug so much. Nobody sees me.

[nothing--beside--remains]

The pub is not going to open for a while. I have nowhere else to go.

[mournfulroses]

Simone de Beauvoir, from "Inseraparable: A Never Before Published Novel,"

[mournfulroses]

Simone de Beauvoir, from "Inseraparable: A Never Before Published Novel,"

[fragments-of-happiness]

My father always told me: "If you want to go for a run, go for a run, don't look for company. Sooner or later, on your fifth run or your twentieth, like-minded people will find you themselves." And only recently have I realized that this principle works everywhere.

[nothing--beside--remains]

I want to cvt my arm until there's only blood and exposed skin. I can't do this anymore please make it end. Please. Either end me or make him show that he cares about me again. I can't do this. My heart hurts. Nobody wants me and there's no place for me. Please. Somebody hold me please.

[nothing--beside--remains]

I think I've done the most blasphemous thing I could ever think of. I went to the church (completely deserted) and cvt myself in front of an altar. Things happened and I can't stop crying. Why isn't there any place for me. I think I'll come here every night instead of drinking and eating. I'll stay here and cry. And maybe cvt myself. My life doesn't mean anything anymore. I just want to lose weight until I d13. Nobody loves me. I just want to lose weight until I d13. I need more physical pain. I need so much more physical pain, but please enough with the trauma and abandonment, I'm begging. I'm on my knees.

[nothing--beside--remains]

I have to necessarily reduce the protein bars I consume to only one per day. This is a real mess. I will miss the kind personal trainer who owns the store.

[nothing--beside--remains]

Oh, I started another huge book and I can't stop reading even if I'm tipsy. Autumn is really something else when it comes to reading.

I almost feel normal. Still depressed, but more like the person I was before.

[nothing--beside--remains]

I neer the comfort of alcohol right now so I guess this is the day I stop having 3 protein bars throughout the day (to then make a mess and b/p when I'm home).

I also just realized need to be perfectly functioning tomorrow because my employer is introducing me a "special" colleague ay lunch. FUCK MY LIFE.

[nothing--beside--remains]

I mean, it's not like I'm not now that I'm away from 50-year-old, I've been even praised for my job and efficiency, but... *anxiety spikes through the roof*

[nothing--beside--remains]

I need the comfort of alcohol right now so I guess this is the day I stop having 3 protein bars throughout the day (to then make a mess and b/p when I'm home).

I also just realized need to be perfectly functioning tomorrow because my employer is introducing me a "special" colleague at lunch. FUCK MY LIFE.

[ritualistic-doll-deactivated202]

born to be constantly on edge and terrified

[nothing--beside--remains]

I unfortunately never played Bloodborne or Elden Ring and unfortunately I doubt I ever will (I want it so much) but god do I love the fanarts.

[bpdohwhatajoy]

It’s beyond disheartening when you finally get to a good place and then something causes you to spiral into the depths of hell

[nothing--beside--remains]

Now I don't want to get up because my mother is here. I have no place to exist.