Everything I Write Is For You

Nothing I write is for you

[nothingiwriteisforyou]

I push you away

It’s all I know to do

Tell myself it will be okay

I might be fine without you

You’ll move on

Seasons will change

Someone will come

To take your breathe away

Every memory of me

Will become a distant footprint

On your heart

That ran astray

Each sweet word I said

Will sound sweeter

With someone new

Each fingerprint I left

Will fade into her skin instead

//someone new

[nothingiwriteisforyou]

I let you in

As if it meant nothing

A passing thought

One shot ringing

Through the dark

You crept in

Wandering endlessly

Bleeding into my veins

Holding my heart

Hostage to your pain

Taking my life

As if it’s all

You ever wanted

As if it meant nothing

//to kill me slowly

[nothingiwriteisforyou]

Was it really worth it?

[nothingiwriteisforyou]

Still.

[nothingiwriteisforyou]

I saw myself in you

A reflection I didn’t want to see

It kept me coming back

Just to find out more

To discover the reasons

You were just like me

Sealed and bonded

Fated to our past

Dark memories corroding

Every bit of sentiment

We had inside of us to last

I told myself it was a lie

That I could fall in love

With someone like you

Since I’ve eternally hated

Every single piece of me

And in the end it turns out

I still do.

//hate you

[nothingiwriteisforyou]

And just like the autumn

You passed right through me

All the vibrancy, the color

The smell of promise in the air

Embraced by the longing

To breathe again, to love again..

Falling, falling

A leaf drifting in the wind

Landing on the ground

Surrounded by the masses

To lay rotting, decaying

Waiting to be buried

To be forgotten

//decay

[nothingiwriteisforyou]

sitting in this silence

basking in it’s taste

empty where you once were

a darkness left

in your place

and for a moment

i still feel you on my skin

i’d go to any depth to keep digging

to the ends of the earth to keep fighting

for the belief that you’re still mine

//no one is you

[nothingiwriteisforyou]

cold spaces

deep valleys,

dark alleys

you miss the sun

underneath covers

silken with longing

for the taste

of your skin

always chasing

always wanting

for the ghost

//sin of her

[nothingiwriteisforyou]

standing on the edge

about to lose it all

trying to find my footing

waiting for the fall

i never saw it coming

this love like a disease

throwing chaos to the wind

then I was drowning

when you came calling

i’ve never soared so high

nor hit the ground so hard

then when you took me by the hand

only to feel like in the end

this heart of mine

will die

//losing you

[nothingiwriteisforyou]

If you follow me

I’d take all your sorrow

I’ll want for nothing

Memorizing every muscle,

Every hill, every valley

Taste every note,

All the layers of your skin

Not a single part of me

Will resist any piece of you

If you follow me

I’d pull you in

Grasp on to any beauty

Beneath the ugliness

Pulsing with longing

Feeling home in your arms

Your breath the elixir

I need to live

Your bleeding heart

Pouring every ache,

Every pain, Into mine

//for I know what it is to love darkness

[nothingiwriteisforyou]

i miss you

not in a good sort of longing…

sort of sweet kind of way

but I miss you

in a tragic comfort kind of way

of not feeling so alone

in my toxic condition

confirmation of all…

darkness surrounding my thoughts

in the way I felt so weak, so small

in the way you made me believe

i was special,

to capture a heart like yours

and bleed into you until …

i was the one missing

afterall.

//abuse

[nothingiwriteisforyou]

when tomorrow comes

i might be missing

an empty space

where my heart used to be

i might have gone out

left the light turned off

so there’s nowhere to look

when you try to find me

just know that I tried

made a promise to myself

that I’d stay until the sun came up

try to find the soul

that washed away with you

i’d search under stones

never meant to be turned

in the past that still tangles

through the vines of our hands

always intertwining, growing viciously

bounding us to the demons

leaving little room for escape

i told myself I’d be honest

wouldn’t keep you in the dark

every truth would be questioned

each lie an open book

in all these revelations

i found the same thing

a love so pure and beautiful

it’s radiance burns through flames

i could think of no other

the best I’ll ever have

a future marked with your name

tattooed on every chasm

of my bleeding heart.

soon to be missing

//words for you, when I’m gone

[nothingiwriteisforyou]

I can still taste better days

Salted wounds and carried memories

Trickling through,

When the light is left on.

Nowhere left to hide

Among the dark valleys and chaos

Prisms of satisfaction

Entertained by soulless lies

I see you in the ember flames

Of a past still haunting

She moves like perfection

Every step a bit closer

Always welcome, always taunting

Shining rays of illumination

On every inadequacy

In every way I’ll never be

The one who holds

Your insatiable satisfaction

In all the ways I’ll never be

The mere object

Of your unadulterated

Affection

//not that it matters

[nothingiwriteisforyou]

If I could

I’d like to hold her hand

Just to feel the way it fit

Perfectly in yours

If I could

I’d stare for hours

Into her beautiful brown eyes

To get lost in the moment

The way you used to get caught up

A devil in disguise

If I could

I’d worship her body

The way you once did

Hands roaming longingly

A foreign desire

An unexplored land

If I could

I’d kiss her pretty lips

Just to feel the softness

You once basked in

To know just what you’re missing

What you’ve left behind

For the next best thing

//replacement

[nothingiwriteisforyou]

Always in December

A cold comes sweeping through

Not just the chill of winter

All the memories of you

The rush of bitter wind

How your eyes would fall on mine

A deep ache within my soul

One that never fades with time

Just when I think I have forgotten

Each day your memory seems to leave

December comes around again

Begging me yet again…

To grieve

//December

For you.

[nothingiwriteisforyou]

I let you in

As if it meant nothing

A passing thought

One shot ringing

Through the dark

You crept in

Wandering endlessly

Bleeding into my veins

Holding my heart

Hostage to your pain

Taking my life

As if it’s all

You ever wanted

As if it meant nothing

//to kill me slowly

[nothingiwriteisforyou]

Was it really worth it?

[nothingiwriteisforyou]

I’ve lost myself

Somewhere along the way

On this broken path

In the absence of your arms

In the promise of your heart

A million miles away

From the place I belong

//without you

[nothingiwriteisforyou]

I wrote for you

Made love with my words

Scattered across the lines

Like lifeless bodies

Strewn across a floor

I wrote for so long

My fingers bled off the edges

The pen pouring out my pain

Songs of everything

You made me feel

Of all the lies you told

That made our love

Feel so visceral, so real

A memoir of letters

Folded into words

Dancing across the skyline

Floating off the edge

Landing at your feet

Pages torn and dying

Hoping you might one day see

That everything I wrote for you

Was my soul still crying

//nothing I wrote was for you

[nothingiwriteisforyou]

I let you in

As if it meant nothing

A passing thought

One shot ringing

Through the dark

You crept in

Wandering endlessly

Bleeding into my veins

Holding my heart

Hostage to your pain

Taking my life

As if it’s all

You ever wanted

As if it meant nothing

//to kill me slowly