Chapter 2: The Art of Confessing Your Feelings
In any healthy, strictly plutonic co-working relationship, it is natural to develop an attachment to your “Work Bestie” that borders on romantic. Being able to accurately articulate these romantic thoughts and feelings is critical to the success of the working relationship.
It’s best not to rush into confessions of undying love and adoration for your coworker. Bringing up the topic too soon could result in uncomfortable working conditions if your coworker does not harbor these same feelings. It’s best to wait until your coworker is in a vulnerable state that makes them reconsider their career. Taking advantage of their vulnerability can ensure that your coworker’s defenses are down, thus increasing the likelihood of your coworker reciprocating romantic feelings. When posed with the prospect of your coworker moving on from the workplace, try these tactics to convince them to remain working with you in the organization:
- Declare that their presence is wanted and needed. Be sure to act surprised when they do not believe your declaration — this will make future steps much easier to complete.
- Ensure that you run after your coworker after they have left the immediate vicinity. These types of actions coupled with accusatory statements, such as, attributing their leaving as a form of “clearing their conscious” while telling them their choice is incorrect can give your coworker pause, thus giving you the opportunity to continue the conversation.
- Unleash the “big guns”. Some examples of romantic overtures that could be used in this step include: “But you saved me”, “You kept me honest”, “I owe you everything”, and “You owe me nothing”. Pile these statements on heavily until your coworker is so overwhelmed by emotion that they are unable to respond.
- Once the conversation feels as though it is deescalating, be sure to position yourself for a kiss; kissing your coworker is completely normal. However, it’s important to note that interruptions may occur if you linger too long. For example: in the animal kingdom, bees are known for their ability to cockblock other animals by transmitting alien viruses in their sting.
While these steps should guarantee success, there are instances where outside factors can thwart your attempts. For example, your coworker could be abducted by Conspirators as a test subject. If by the end, your coworker ends up being taken against their will, be sure to make arrangements to pick them up. A true “Work Bestie” will pick up their coworker when they find themselves in a hairy situation (even on another continent). Being their ride home can increase the likelihood your coworker will see you as a dependable person. Dependability is sexy. If your coworker views your traits as sexy, they will be more likely to sleep with you in the future.
Be sure to follow for more co-working tips!
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