No One Down Here Except Tumblr's Most Unwanted

ever wondered how many cases mulder and scully actually solved in their time on the x-files, but didn't feel like doing the research to find out bc that would be unhinged? never fear! i had a mental break and had to distract myself with a useless project to keep myself (relatively) sane, so i'm gonna do it for you! along with some other stats thrown in just for fun! you're welcome 😘👽 [currently on: season 2] [former url: alexkryceksbutt]

[xf-cases-solved]

Welcome to My Unhinged Project

Hello, I'm Diz, and I'm happy you've come to join me in my unhinged project that no one asked me to do!

I started watching The X-Files when I was five years old, and twenty-six years later, here we are. This used to just be a general X-Files blog, so if you're looking for the stat posts, each one will be tagged "txf cases solved" and then the relevant episode title (ex: s1e1: pilot). I'll add stats as I go, and if you have any suggestions, feel free to hit up my inbox.

Also, while most of the stats on the episode posts will be pretty self-explanatory, I wanted to show you the scale I'm working off of to determine whether or not a case has been solved. See below, and have a nice day.

SOLVED IT SCALE

Yes: Unequivocally captured the one who did the crime and the case was and/or could be prosecuted in a court of law. (If the culprit died, but could have been prosecuted if they had lived, it still counts as a yes.) Alternately, if it's determined that no actual crimes have been committed, or no arrests are even necessary, but they have an answer to the question posed by the case that they can take back to D.C. and not get yelled at, I will give it to them. A case MUST BE a solid "Yes" for me to consider it definitively solved.

Yes, but: They stopped the crime from happening and unequivocally know who the culprit was, but there is not enough evidence to prosecute in a court of law and/or the culprit is not human and therefore is not bound by human law. Or, alternately, the culprit escaped. Whupsie!

Maybe: They have a guess, but it's too impossible to prove/the episode does that thing at the end where it suggests they missed something important and then it fades to black.

No, but: They do not know who did the crime, but the crimes have stopped and/or they gathered new information to level up in their experience in the search for The Truth.

No: Yeah no, they got fuck all.

Uh-oh, mind wipe!: For some reason, they have no memory of the crime ever occurring, rendering the entire investigation moot. 

This episode is too weird to fit any of the above: This is my fail safe for if I missed something. It does what it says on the tin.

[tiktaalic]

Always thinking about that post that’s like you know a shows fucked when people can name individual writers.

[alcoholicanarchist]

[scullysflannel]

the character work in the X-Files pilot is exquisite. the first time I watched this episode, when Scully grips her arm rests on the plane and Mulder just rolls over to look at her while he lounges across a whole row like it’s nothing, I was like OH it’s like that? in that moment I got them both. the X-Files overall is great at making Mulder and Scully full people by giving them traits that are just part of them, and they’re almost never remarked upon or central to the plot, they just are. and that’s the whole pilot. Mulder reads his future partner’s senior thesis to get a sense of her. he makes every space his own but can never get comfortable. he takes runs but would like a running partner. he never seems to sleep. he’s wild eyed, but he still wants to back up all of his ideas with proof. Scully admits when she’s scared. she’s curious and she works late and she laughs when she encounters something she doesn’t understand. but she has Mulder figured out immediately, and she calls him on it. (“better than you expected, or better than you hoped?” like hello!!! that’s PERCEPTIVE, babe.) and it is remarkable that Dana Scully, skeptical scientist doctor, wears a cross necklace and it’s never commented on. no dialogue about what a mystery she is because she has religious faith but doesn’t believe in aliens. Scully’s just Scully. she isn’t someone to be solved. (neither one of them is treated as a puzzle to be solved; because they just get each other right away, and because the show gets them right away, the x-files doesn’t waste time making us ask who these people are. the question is always “what will they find out there?” they are the constant, not the variable, which is why they’re the heart of the show.) they’re going toe to toe the whole time, but every challenge they throw at each other only makes them like each other more. the pilot just gets immediately that these two people recognize integrity in each other. honestly Chris Carter made a faustian bargain to write eight good episodes of television and the X-Files pilot is one of them 

[a-film-deactivated20170613]

[perkymcbadsuit]

#OKAY COOL SEE YOU AT WORK TOMORROW

[rosenkranz-isnt-dead]

made these to distract myself from *gestures vaguely to my whole existence*

[rosenkranz-isnt-dead]

television peaked here

[graciehart]

how to say "I love you" in x-files [487/?] ⤷ 1.05 — “The Jersey Devil”

[dunhamhairograpy]

[graciehart]

It annoys me soooo much when tumblr marks my x files sets as “mature content” because my dude. Do you know what I’d give for some mature x files content

[graciehart]

[rosenkranz-isnt-dead]

I think what continues to draw people to the x files all these decades later is that Mulder and Scully are coworkers. like. all the insane shit they do for each other, and the whole time they're just. colleagues. sure, they're best friends, but we hardly ever get to see them hanging out together outside of work. they drop the most insane flowery monologues that could easily be mistaken for love confessions. but! they're coworkers. so they're like ok, see you monday at the office. they go to hell and back to rescue each other, both of them taking turns being Orpheus and Eurydice. but they're coworkers. they're the most important person in each other's life. they just work together. it's frustrating. it's beautiful. no one's ever done it like them. possibly because it's the wrong way to do it. compels me though

[theowlswalkwithme-blog]

[wintersnails]

assigning Scully to the X-files was the funniest thing the US government ever did because imagine you send this logical, rule-following scientist to spy on the Basement Weirdo but instead they fall in love and soul-bond so intensely that it’s actually a legitimate threat to national security. all the super-important super-evil government conspiracies are at risk because you (the US government) accidentally pulled the best matchmaking job in history and now they’re so in love and oh shit they’re breaking into another top-secret facility, they’re discovering evidence of another war crime, they’re gazing longingly into each other’s eyes next to a crashed ufo and it’s all your fucking fault

[wintersnails]

many such cases…

[ankh-morporkianpostalworker]

Scully in episode 1: I don't really agree with Mulder on anything, but he seems earnest and like a nice enough guy. I think he honestly just needs a friend.

Scully in episode 2: Mulder, my new best friend, has been captured by the US Army, so I will now commit several Class-A felonies and enter into an armed hostage situation to get him back.

[slippinmickeys]

Me walking into 2026

[slippinmickeys]

…2026, one week in:

[cristinaricci]

THE X-FILES ↳ 4.10 | Paper Hearts

[wintersnails]

Mulder truly the celibate slut representation we deserve. he doesn’t fuck, he watches 80+ hours of porn every week, awkward and bemused when woman actually flirt with him, drops sexual innuendos like his life depends on it, gets called a loser by absolute strangers, in love with his coworker, fled to find mothman when same coworker tried to seduce him, black turtlenecks™, doesn’t own a bed, woman find him hot until he starts talking, loses his shirt every few episodes, has a homoerotic Russian nemesis, feeds his fish instead of going on dates, draws big titty bigfoot, mopes when his girlfriend is out of town, once had sex on Sir Conan Doyle’s tombstone, meets up with a guy called Deep Throat but it’s not what you think, a ghost showed him her hole but it’s not what you think, undoubtably has ranked every cryptid by fuckability, that one vampire episode, basically the damsel in a bodice ripper, makes out with Scully’s forehead, visibly turned on whenever ufos are mentioned etc. etc.

[xf-cases-solved]

was wondering why so many msr shippers have been losing it for the gay hockey show, and then i remembered that "nine years of intense pining that starts with a sexually charged handshake and could probably be resolved with one or two actual heartfelt conversations but unfortunately everyone involved is the worst communicator you've ever met in your life, also they've been secretly fucking the entire time" is basically our lifeblood