Carpe Culum

Hi, I'm Fran. I've had this blog for a while. I'm just farting around doing my best, trying not to take myself too seriously, and enjoying this little corner of the internet I've claimed for myself. If you like my stuff, stick around! If not, it was nice to have you here, even for a little while. P.S. "Carpe culum" means "seize the butt." Do with that what you will.

[interestingmistakes]

Reblogging this manually. Op doesn't want credit for fear of being terminated.

[banchie]

i've been phasing the phrase 'google it' out of my vocabulary and going back to 'look it up'. fuck you youve lost your generic trademark privileges

[clionadraws]

Finished my fullmetal print 🩷

[fruitsgardens]

where is evryone

[furcoat]

[ororium-z]

Happy Pride!

[rootbeergoddess]

Every pride, you must reblog this. No exceptions

[thesaltofcarthage]

I love that four different people on my feed scheduled this joyous person to reblog by 8am on June 1. I look forward to seeing this a dozen more times today.

[prokopetz]

You know, I’ve tried writing material where the number of bisexual and gay characters present matches up with real-world demographics, but even that’s apparently enough to get folks passive-aggressively going “wow, is anyone in this setting straight?”, so basically my answer from now on is “no, not a single person in this setting is straight”.

[elfwreck]

When a room has 30% women in it, men think it’s 50-50. When it is 50-50, they think they’re outnumbered. Just one of the fascinating statistics on how people perceive gender balance, says Laura Bates.

…When a story has 5-10% not-straight people in it, a lot of straight people think “the gays are taking over.”

[krugerevengeinej]

Let the gays take over

[spookyscaryscouticus]

Just assume all of the characters in my stories are bisexual unless explicitly stated otherwise.

[just-another-cat-blog]

pride month!!!

[lemonsharks]

Is that a miette?

[jeanjauthor]

Pride for you!  Pride for a thousand years!!

[lost-and-cursed]

you COME OUT to miette? you come out to her as queer? oh! oh! pride for mother! pride for mother for One Thousand Years!!!!

[stivkun]

sturgeon of approval and motivation

[pinkcherrybloom]

So I heard y’all really liked my FishHans

[dynasoar5]

today is international dinosaur day. hello, i am a dinosaur. here are some dinosaurs i’ve painted. 

[stivkun]

Neon tetra drawn with 10in1 ballpoint pen

[parkayquarts]

now im imagining what pride events in ankh morpork are like

[parkayquarts]

there will EXCLUSIVELY be kink at the ankh morpork pride parade

[wondersmith-and-sons]

(via @takiki16)

[just7frogsinapeoplesuit]

(Tags via @romanceyourdemons)

Extremely correct response, leaving out the inevitable debacle over citizens declaring counterfeit genders in order to have rarer pronoun pins to sell to collectors in the underground pronoun market.

Dibbler, only mildly discouraged, eventually realizes he can sell embellishments for your pronoun pin, which he claims will upgrade your gender.

Also of note is that there are no cops present at Ankh-Morpork Pride. This is not because they aren't welcome (everyone knows Nobby is as kinky as they come), but because the festivities include throwing bricks at the City Watch building and they are busy trying to make sure they still have a place to work the next day. The Night Watch prepares each year with a barricade, and pre-marriage Vimes always collects the good bricks so he can save for a house. Nobody is really sure where the tradition came from, but it's good fun and usually nobody gets hurt too badly.

The bricks are provided by Vetinari, who considers it a good test of city infrastructure and training for the Watch.

[skarabrae-stone]

Cheery would 100% march in the parade. She'd get Nobby to go with her, but Nobby would be completely oblivious as to why (he assumed she just wants company).

Moist von lipwig would have pride-themed stamps made; these would inevitably have some kind of issue, which would create some outrage and ultimately make the stamps more valuable as collectors' items.

I don't get the impression that Ankh Morpork ever had anti-sodomy or crossdressing laws, so I don't think the queer community's history with the police would be the same as it is in the real world. Especially because Cheery Littlebottom literally started the Dwarf trans/feminism movement as an officer of the Watch, with the Watch's support.

Dibbler would totally sell pride flags with the wrong colors (and then insist it was the "new, updated version" if anyone questioned him)

The nobility are all scandalized, meanwhile the Seamstresses Guild has a float in the parade

Adora Belle Dearheart is deeply involved with at least one queer organization and is one of the main organizers of the Pride festival, but refuses to answer any questions about why

Ridcully decides the wizards should be involved, and Ponder Stibbons should make a float and organize the refreshments for them to eat while riding on the float. Ridcully's concept of allyship is loudly saying, "Well done, that man!" and pointing at anyone he thinks is exhibiting particularly queer behavior.

Madam Sharn and Pepe release a whole new line of Pride-themed chainmail

Bengo Macarona is embraced as a gay icon

Reg Shoe decides the main pride event is too corporate, and organizes an alternative pride parade for the same time and place; this immediately gets subsumed by the main pride event. Some Omnians show up to Pride to protest and Reg is delighted to have someone to fight with.

[just7frogsinapeoplesuit]

More from the tags, I love all of you

[thefingerfuckingfemalefury]

The Assasins Guild have a float for queer youth dealing with unsupportive parents that has a banner that reads "Over their dead body? WE CAN HELP"

[digitaldiscipline]

Nobby is voted Most Genderful for the ninth year in a row.

[bailesu]

People keep trying to put Octarine into Pride flags, but since only wizards and cats can see it, it mostly leads to confusion; any wizard with one makes sure to incorporate it on general principles.

[racefortheironthrone]

The average Ankh-Morporkian on the street has a Master’s-level understanding of queer theory, no two people agree as to the definition of any term or theoretical position. The acronym for the movement is too long to fit on the largest banner available and it keeps getting longer every year.

[cheaphalloweencostume]

im trying to go to sleep but i cannotttttt stop thinking about this and laughing

[thestarsaredown]

Listen, we have to keep this thing circulating on the internet for at least another two decades, because I have to believe that one day that little girl will be grown enough to stumble upon it and She Will Explain

[kragehund-est]

sex isn't sexy unless it's a little bit gross. have you forgotten that you are a divine ape? plastic smooth skin, plucked hair, painted faces, scripted reactions, scrubbed til only the smell of perfumed soap remains, proportions that are conflictingly cookiecutter yet unattainable, none of this is even a little bit interesting.

you can laugh at napoleon's "home in three days, don't bathe" letter to his wife, but there's more sexuality in that one line then there is in the entirety of the hypersexualized but painfully unsexy internet.

[the-ghost-of-jetstream-tormod]

What are your thoughts on musk?

[kragehund-est]

i hope he dies

[cosmicrhetoric]

no one did clowns like pratchett. sure "the fool jingled miserably across the floor" but that's just the tip of the iceberg....imagine alluding to a character's tragic backstory and deep repression of his true nature and heavily implying he might be a vampire before revealing the identity he's been battling against all book is actually just a literal circus clown

[cosmicrhetoric]

like this quote is so metal considering it is yelled in a courtroom in a book about the corruption of banks but ive never been more terrified of a man in a massive red elastic nose before. one well thrown custard pie nearly brought down an entire government.

[tiwaztyrsfist]

The fools guild is the only guild more feared than the assassins guild. Mr. Whiteface is possibly the only person in Ahnk-Morpork more terrifying than Samuel Vimes or Lord Vetinari. Sam Vimes will gut you with a dull knife if it's for the greater good. Lord Vetinari will have someone else gut you with a dull knife if it's for the greater good or you're annoying him. Mr. Whiteface will gut you with a dull knife in a lecture hall in front of 1000 student fools while calmly and dryly explaining WHY THEY SHOULD BE LAUGHING, and why you should be laughing, and then make a balloon animal out of your intestines, all without getting his white suit dirty.

[depsidase]

[arctic-hands]

[Image Description: a rain-soaked U.S.P.S shipping label, stuck on an outer wall or junction box, on which has been sharpied, "How many beautiful, kind people have I killed ["killed" in red] just buy paying my taxes". End I.D]