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because for fuck's sake, our symptoms should describe how we experience them, not how you do.
Relationship Burn-Out, not Discarding. Shame Redirect, not Narc Rage. Supply Drought, not Hoovering.
Another reason redefining these words is important is because the original words are descriptions for actions while the new ones are descriptions for feelings, and not everyone acts on these feelings the same way.
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Discarding is described as when someone with NPD finds that their partner's supply no longer "feels enough", they ignore them on purpose as punishment.
focuses on the NT's feelings rather than the pwNPD
implies that everyone with NPD reacts to symptoms in the same, inherently abusive way
a lot of pwNPD don't even relate
implies NPD is a choice rather than an illness that stems from trauma
Use Relationship Burn-Out
Relationship burn-out is when for any reason (excessive masking, spending too much time together, lack of supply, etc.) you may feel worn-out in a relationship. It may cause feelings of over-stimulation, exhaustion, and irribility. It may also cause compulsions to self harm, isolate, start arguments, and abandon the relationship.
focuses on how the pwNPD feels
opens the door for solutions
points out that feeling this way isn't because others around them "aren't enough", but because this is their response to stress
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Narc Rage describes an uncontrollable rage someone with NPD might feel. It happens at random and used often in response of being unable to control others.
implies that a very broad emotion will inherently lead to a specific response
implies that all pwNPD have the same goal: control over their loved ones
often seen as "the main part of NPD", when NPD can manifest in multiple other ways
*feel free to still use this term if you have NPD and feel like this accurately describes your situation
A big part of NPD is that we feel a higher amount of shame than the average person, and we feel it much more intensely and more easily as well. The shame is often redirected into anger, but it can also be redirected into other actions and feelings such as; insecurity, addictions, isolation, crying fits, irritability, and more.
pinpoints the reason behind the redirected shame
desrigmatizes a common symptom by defining it by our inner feelings rather than abusive behavior
^^ and by destigmatizing a symptom, it's easier to admit to having it and feel less shame when working through it
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Hoovering is usually used to describe both NPD and BPD. It's described as emotionally black mailing someone into giving them (the pwNPD) supply or validation by pretending that they have changed into a better person or by acting vulnerable/pitiful. It's often noted that ignoring hoovering will drive the "hooverer" into acting out in worse ways.
Is often used against the pwNPD (or pwBPD) as an excuse to ignore their boundaries & needs and then accuse them of abuse when they get understandably upset over it.
Implies that a pwNPD will always resort to abusive behavior when feeling neglected
takes a pwNPD when they're in a moment of vulnerability and makes them seem unreasonable
Use Supply Drought (or whatever you would prefer to use, because I made up supply drought on the spot 😅)
pwNPD usually have difficulty defining their identity, and therefore many struggle with defining their true wants and needs in a relationship. On the other hand, some pwNPD are very in touch with their sense of self and have very specific wants and needs. Both of these things (mixed with how easily something can impact our self esteem) can leave you feeling neglected by the people around you. It can cause you to hurt yourself, attempt to change who you are, and force yourself to do things you're uncomfortable with in order to receive validation. It can also make you hurt the people around you without realizing.
helps show how complex the situation really is
again, opens the door for a solution
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these are just words I prefer to use and words I prefer people use with me
not everyone with NPD will prefer these words or even relate to these words
if you have NPD and don't like these words, you don't have to use them
I'll probably use a word different from "Supply Drought" once I think of one
NPD - Narcissistic Personality Disorder
pwNPD - person/people with NPD
Supply- the type of unique validation, support, and love pwNPD may seek that directly affects their self esteem (not everyone with NPD relates to this)
NT - neurotypical (someone with the average neurological brain functioning)
Okay that's all I've got to say about that!
I really, really want to work on redefining NPD symptoms to describe how we experience them rather than how other people experience them! This is what I've got! If anyone else with NPD wants to add anything go ahead!
Oh and one more thing, no symptoms are inherently abusive. But, some people do still insist on using them as an excuse to hurt others. If you hurt someone using your symptoms then you must apologize, you mustn't use them as an excuse, and you must take responsibility.
Here's a link to the version without the words and just the pictures!
