numb little bug

⚠️TW⚠️ they/he /// 23 BLOCK, DON’T REPORT my posts are tagged “my post” My mind gets dark sometimes

[numb-little-bugg]

- these posts can potentially be very triggering so please be careful

- if you are in recover, kindly, get off my blog. i do not want you to screw up your progress by coming onto my blog. i want you to be safe, so please leave.

- all of my posts will be tagged with “my post”

My trauma blog is @its-probably-called-trauma

here are some important posts 🤍:

“Little Reminders”

something to (hopefully) make you smile; thank me later :)

[numb-little-bugg]

gotta love having friends that think you’re crazy now because they think you have bpd

(for context, i’m not officially diagnosed [currently seeking], but my entire friend group and i all think i have bpd so now they keep filtering everything through that lens and don’t trust me/believe me)

[numb-little-bugg]

i feel like i’m watching myself go off the deep end, but there’s nothing i can do about it.

it feels like my brain is splitting at the seems.

[plsdontrecongizmethatsembarrasi]

Its just so unfair how easily people with bpd are dehumanized by others, and even more so by people who "support" them. I remember being told "I dont know how to handle you", as if I'm someTHING to be handled??? I am not! I'm aware my emotions are intense, I'm grown, I can step back, I can communicate my needs and if I need a second to calm down. Yes, I'm more prone to lashing because of my heightened emotions, but I am able to hold myself accountable; Like any other human adult who lets their emotions get the better of them. But most importantly, I'm capable of actually DOING better.

Since I'm just going off, I also want to add I think I'm more susceptible to abusive/toxic relationships due to my bpd and the lonliness that comes with it. I'm trying to keep a favorable distance from people, and ignore lovebombing and anything that could trigger me. But I know it's only a matter of time before I cave.

It's unfair that because of bpd I am less worthy of forgiveness, trust, and compassion. People like me aren't nearly as cruel as made out to be.

[neurodivergenttales]

The ‘you’re mature for your age’ to sleeping with a bed full of plushies in your mid twenties pipeline is real

[emptyglittervoid-deactivated202]

[numb-little-bugg]

tried booking a psych appointment today to get assessed for bpd and found out afterwards that 1) my appointment is in APRIL, 2) there could be MONTHS between appointment #1 and appointment #2 (of 3) and 3) that the assessment itself could cost up to like $2,200. absolutely tf not. i canceled that shit real fast.

[numb-little-bugg]

another update: i did some research last night and found another place that might work. i just booked an appointment for this coming Monday (5 days away) and even if i have to pay out of pocket, it’ll only be between $200-$300. still not the best, but WAY better than up to $2,200 😵‍💫

if this appointment doesn’t go well, i’m just going to bring it up at my med management appointment that i have the next day and see if she’ll do anything then (they’re different places and different doctors)

[numb-little-bugg]

update: she wants to up my antidepressant, put me on $100+ worth of supplements, and do bloodwork. and she didn’t even answer my question of do i have bpd. and turns out, i don’t even need my appointment for tomorrow because she’s changing my meds now. so i just had to chance that appointment with less than 24 hours notice. i just hope i don’t get charged out the ass for the cancellation fee. what a shit show. i just want to know if i fucking have bpd.

[professionallyunstable-deactiva]

"it gets better" - but i've been this way since i was a child.

[numb-little-bugg]

seven years and counting.

[nofuckingideawho]

it would've been better for everyone if I had stopped having a heartbeat years ago

[emptyprescription]

[actuallymagsdump]

[drowningbpdbodies]

I wanted to kill myself and you were screaming about a messy room

[youngdeadboi]

[bl0w-m3]

[numb-little-bugg]

ah shit. me being a homeschooler. 🧍🏻

[numb-little-bugg]

i think i need to just train myself to use this as my dumping ground for my thoughts and stuff that i want to tell people. because i’m tired of saying things and then people getting worried or adding it to their list of possible bpd symptoms that i’m exhibiting. like i want to get these thoughts out, but i hate worrying/concerning people.

[numb-little-bugg]

tried booking a psych appointment today to get assessed for bpd and found out afterwards that 1) my appointment is in APRIL, 2) there could be MONTHS between appointment #1 and appointment #2 (of 3) and 3) that the assessment itself could cost up to like $2,200. absolutely tf not. i canceled that shit real fast.

[numb-little-bugg]

another update: i did some research last night and found another place that might work. i just booked an appointment for this coming Monday (5 days away) and even if i have to pay out of pocket, it’ll only be between $200-$300. still not the best, but WAY better than up to $2,200 😵‍💫

if this appointment doesn’t go well, i’m just going to bring it up at my med management appointment that i have the next day and see if she’ll do anything then (they’re different places and different doctors)

[numb-little-bugg]

is it bad that i’m not willing to bring up the fact that i think i might have bpd to my therapist because i’m scared she won’t want to treat me anymore?

[numb-little-bugg]

update: i got the balls to tell her in the moment, and she took everything so well 😭 she said she personally knows a lot about bpd from her own research and said that she isn’t afraid of me or this disorder and she “isn’t going anywhere.” 😭🫶🏻