Number Thirty Nine

Chaotic TUA meme energy. TUA side for re-blogging: @numberytwentyfive. Witcher blogs: @alwaysfoolsparsley & @neverfoolsparsley

[numberthirtynine]

Allison: Klaus got hit in the head - we need to check if he has a concussion!

Diego: Klaus, how many fingers am I holding up?

Klaus: Just the middle one.

Lucas: who's the president?

Klaus: why the fuck would I know?

Five: what year is it?

Klaus: honestly? You tell me.

Allison: ok well those answers all make sense for Klaus.

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[numberthirtynine]

Klaus [message to the Hargreeves Siblings Chat]: hey fam, if you find a bunch of black crow's feathers in the fridge YES they are mine and NO do not move them.

Ben: so.... why did you put crow's feathers in the fridge?

Klaus: absolutely no reason at all. I just want to keep them guessing.

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[numberthirtynine]

Klaus: hey Diego, what am I saved as in your phone?

Diego: "Deadbeat Brother".

Klaus: what about Ben?

Diego: "Dead Brother"

Five: what about me?

Diego: "Dead(?) Brother"

Luther: what about me?

Diego: "Luther Hargreeves"

Luther: .... ouch.

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[numberthirtynine]

Five: I had my patience tested - I'm negative.

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[27-umbrellas]

Diego: Luther, you’re so tall. What can you see up there?

Luther: Everyone’s flaws.

[numberthirtynine]

Five: oh, they're pretty obvious from down here too.

[numberthirtynine]

Allison: Five, what's this? 

*Points to a banana on the floor, beneath a big box proped up by a stick*

Five: ... It's a trap for Luther.

Allison: Five don't be mean! He's not an actual monkey and he's not that stupid.

Luther: ooh, a banana!

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[numberthirtynine]

Klaus: what's your biggest fear?

Luther: failing others.

Vanya: hurting others.

Diego: emotional intimacy. 

Luther, Klaus, Vanya: what? 

Diego: oh! I mean, uh, something macho... Umm... Snakes! Yeah. Afraid of snakes.

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[numberthirtynine]

{The Hargraves siblings as quotes from 'witty' T-shirts}

Five: 5'2 but my attitude 6'1

Vanya: Underestimate me, that'll be fun.

Klaus: That's a terrible idea, what time?

Diego: Kinda hungry - kinda horny -  kinda sleepy - kinda wanna get a tattoo

Allison: Nope, not today. 

Luther: It's fine. I'm fine. Everything is fine.

Ben: Yep, still single.

{BONUS LILA}

Lila: Tequila may not be the answer but it's worth a shot.

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[numberthirtynine]

*Luther alone on the moon*

Luther: oh I'm getting a message transmission - must be an urgent communication from dad!

Luther: ... it's from Diego? 

Message: "What would you rather - eat a burrito that tastes like a shit, or a shit that tastes like a burrito"

Luther: *puts down the message* .... Damn, that's a tough one. 

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[numberthirtynine]

Lila: Deigo, do you wanna play doctor?

Diego: sure ok...

Lila: *stabs Diego in the stomach* now, I'll be the doctor.

Diego: *wincing in pain* are you sure... you were just... fake in a mental asylum? Seems...kinda real.

.

[numberthirtynine]

Diego: siblings, I would kill for you all.

Five: I have killed for you all.

Vanya: I nearly killed everyone on earth because of you all. 

Luther: I would die for you all, but I try to avoid killing 'cause I'm kind of a good guy.

Ben: I already died for you all! 

Allison: I would kill or die for you all, but could we please just not?

Klaus: please can none of you kill or die, I don't need to see more ghosts.

Five: ... Well, at least we know where we all stan-

Lila: - I will kill you all. 

Diego: shh, Lila, shh, we talked about this. Sorry guys, we're working on it. 

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[numberthirtynine]

Kidnapper: we have your brother.

Five: which brother?

Kidnapper: the hot one.

Five: wait who?

Allison: ... is it weird if I say Luther?

Vanya: hmm, it's gotta be Klaus.

[Through the Kiddnapper's phone]: what? God damn it! It's Deigo!

Lila (aka the Kidnapper) to Deigo: babe your family are rude.

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[numberthirtynine]

Allison: Klaus, what are you doing?

Klaus: oh you know, just something I'll regret later.

.

[chaoticturtledream]

I’m pretty sure the Umbrella Academy fandom on Tumblr is just, like, seven people because I’m following a few TUA accounts and they’re literally all just reblogging each other’s posts.

[thesevenumbrellas]

Guys am I part of the club?

[mystery-marauder]

@thesevenumbrellas Yes you are

[thesevenumbrellas]

Nice

[numberthirtynine]

Bitch, I'm new here so now there's eight people in this fandom! (I think that makes me the Lila, and I'm cool with that).

[numberthirtynine]

Police Officer: Are you high right now?

Klaus: No! I'm stone cold sober. Tell them Ben!

Police Officer: Who's Ben?

Klaus: My dead brother who I see as a ghost.

Ben: Dude that makes you sound super high.

Klaus: Fuck.

.

[numberthirtynine]

Diego: Hey siblings, you know how we always said we wanted another sister, but one who was as irratic as Klaus, as murderous as Five, and capable of causing as much destruction as Vanya?

Allison: ... No?

Luther: Why would we ever want that?

Diego: Well great news - meet my girlfriend Lila!

.

[numberthirtynine]

Luther: IDK

Klaus: IDC

Five: IDGAF

Allison: I(kinda)GAF

Vanya: I(literally)DK, I have amnesia :(

Ben: I(Do)C but I'm a ghost and can't hold things :(

Diego: IDGAF, unless it's about JFK.

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~Bonus~

Lila: DIGAF? Unclear, I'm British.

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