i feel like there’s actually some good additions to my life right now but i feel like i spend so much of my time watching tv and on my phone and often I don’t even realize I’m doing it, it’s just a habit at this point to spend my free time doing it. just zoning out and almost escaping and just keeping my brain occupied. and then suddenly 2 weeks have passed and I haven’t read, written, or meditated, or reflected on anything or done anything to better or improve myself or even take care of myself. i just keep falling back into these unhealthy habits and I’m so frustrated and exhausted with myself. I feel like I’ll never change. and lately I’ve gained weight and have been eating out a lot and eating so much fried food and I just feel so bad about myself. It’s so hard to unlearn these thoughts and beliefs that my weight and appearance are equal to my worth. that my desirability and attractiveness in terms of societal standards are equal to my worth. I’m just feeling stuck in a lot of ways and frustrated with myself for not being able to shed off these unhealthy and unhelpful patterns, behaviors, habits, and thoughts. i don’t know how to change the multiple unhealthy patterns in my life and how to make the new ones stick bc i feel like they never do, i always fall back into my old habits and it’s so damn frustrating.
